


Through the Jungle, Through the Dark

by Oh_Land



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Child Abuse, Foster Care, Future Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2017-12-20 07:52:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 69,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Land/pseuds/Oh_Land
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ziam parents to OC. Set in 2022. After an unforeseen amount of success with One Direction, Liam and Zayn welcomed the period of off time from their lives as performers. After publicly coming forth with the truth about their relationship in 2014, the two surprised their entire inner circle by deciding to marry five years later. Now in their late twenties, they’ve turned their focus to starting a family. This is what happens when Zayn and Liam open up their home to a child falling through the cracks of a broken system.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

  
_James Issam Masoud_

It was one of the few names the couple set aside when they were going through the monstrous volumes of profiles at the agency. Stacks and stacks of the largest three-ring binders either man had ever seen filled seemingly each office in the adoption agency building. The six that were brought to their private conference room easily held 300-350 profiles each. They initially felt relaxed when they were told over the phone that the process had been “streamlined" for them, with the agency filtering through their requirements to find only the most realistically suitable candidates. Liam actually laughed aloud when they came into the private council room to find the large volumes stacked atop each other. He could only mouth " _streamlined?!_ " in shock as his husband painfully jabbed him in the ribs. Zayn was forever the optimist.

Liam and Zayn decided to each take one of the worryingly large binders and sift through them separately, pulling out any profiles that caught their eye along the way. Both admittedly felt put off by this selection process when it was originally explained to them. How were they supposed to feel pulled to a certain child just by a photograph and brief description? What would that really tell them? What exactly was supposed to attract them towards any one kid in particular? All of these children supposedly needed love and a home, how were they to know which one they could provide for the best? It started to feel like owning the last life boat for the Titanic, but only having the room for one more.

As horrible as it may sound, it became clear after a while why the system was set up that way. From a practicality standpoint, there were simply too many kids with too many unique situations. There wasn’t time for face-to-face meetings or detailed introductions at this stage in the fostering process. Again, way too many kids, too few case workers.

Liam only found three profiles that caught his attention while he sifted through his binder. He felt nervous. Shouldn’t more children be sticking out to him? What was a good number to come away with? What was too many? He grew even more alarmed when he noticed Zayn was moving on to a second binder and hadn’t picked one child. They had already been here for two hours looking at profiles! Surely their caseworker would march in at any moment and demand a decision, right?

Liam’s worry subsided slightly as Zayn took a brief glance up from his binder, giving a small grin. The warm copper eyes disappeared behind the pages just as soon as they appeared. Liam let out a breath before picking up a second binder for himself, sifting through more names and faces to look for something he wasn’t quite sure of. Thirty minutes passed in absolute silence. Liam hooked his foot against Zayn’s underneath the table. He was about to show him the three picks from his two binders, but he stopped when he felt Zayn’s foot suddenly break away from his.

Zayn popped his binder rings open and slipped out a laminated page. His eyes scoured the photograph of a child that Liam could not see from his position. He watched curiously as his husband’s face took on a serious expression. Zayn was biting down on a corner of his lower lip as he read the small description over and over again.

"What’d you find?" Liam’s voice broke across the white noise of the heating unit.

"I think I want a boy." Zayn said as he glanced over the top of the sheet. “I mean, I know we said we were leaning in that direction to begin with, but Li, I _know_ I want a boy now."

Liam nodded his head at the sentiments he already knew. “Yeah, but who did you find?" He gestured at the page on the table. “Looks like you’ve got someone in mind already."

Zayn fluidly slid the laminated profile across the small space between them. “He’s just turned five and lives in Hackney."

"Let me see," Liam murmured as his eyes flicked to the provided photograph. A boy with dark eyes, blackish-brown hair, and tanned skin stood on a set of stone steps. **JAMES ISSAM MASOUD** was printed in all capitals beneath the photo. Liam looked to Zayn before looking back to the little boy on the page. He did this motion two or three times before he managed to clear his throat. “Is he Pakistani?"

Zayn shrugged. "Most likely. Reckon he's mixed like me or summat."

Liam read the rest of the profile. Noting that James had only been placed in foster care a year ago. He would actually have memories of his parents. Liam felt his stomach go cold when he read the word _abused_ written underneath a section entitled “additional concerns". He also found the words _night terrors_ and _anxiety_ written there as well. Liam then forced himself to read the less worrying parts of the annoyingly brief description. It did indeed say James liked playing football and colouring. A list of placement preferences was usually given at the bottom of every child’s profile, with most children having a number of requests listed detailing what qualities they needed in a prospective home. That section on James' profile only listed one thing in bold: **home with few other children.**

"He’s beautiful." Liam admitted quietly as he continued to stare at the photograph. He found it hard to look away. The little boy’s eyes were wide with a soulful quality that didn't match up on a person so young. The profile explained that James was currently living with another temporary foster family, though the agency admitted that the current placement was not the best fit and they were looking to transfer him as soon as possible to a long term family. “Mind telling me why this one?" Liam asked as he finally looked up from the profile. “Not that I’m opposed by any means, just curious."

"His name." Zayn stated as he rested his chin in his palm. “His middle name."

"Issam?" Liam hesitantly gave what he hoped was the right pronunciation.

Zayn nodded in a gentle confirmation. “Yeah. That was my dada's middle name."

Liam catalogued this new bit of information as his thumb stroked along the white border of the Polaroid shot of James. “What’s it mean?"

Zayn took the page back from Liam, his eyes rolling upwards towards the ceiling as he tried to recall the translation in his head. “Like, to protect or keep safe. At least, I think so, anyways."

"Well," Liam leaned back in his chair to stretch. “He meets the criteria we agreed upon, right? He’s the right age and he has no monumental health issues." He finished stretching his stiff joints before leaning forward over the table once more. “And I can tell you’re already decided."

One of the corners of Zayn’s mouth twitched up. “I am." He admitted before sipping at the tea a secretary provided upon their arrival. “If I'm to be perfectly honest, babe-he's the only one I want. I don't know what you're thinking or whatever, but-"

Liam shook his head. "No, I'm with you." He insisted. "It's just that I need to know you're sure. I know I set a few profiles aside earlier, but that's nothing if I know this is what you want."

Zayn sighed as he let his head fall into his hand. "I can't let him go, Li."

"His eyes are too much like yours." Liam wore a small smile that Zayn couldn't see. "I don't think it's possible to pass him up at this point."

It took a moment for Zayn to register that Liam was giving him a yes. He blinked, sitting completely still for several moments before finally slumping back heavily in his chair. The weight of their decision seemed to be hitting him all at once. His eyes flicked over to where Liam sat beaming in his own chair. "Thank you." He whispered. 

Liam felt an intense warmth spread through his chest as he looked at Zayn. He never would be able to understand how a man like that would feel the need to be grateful toward a guy like him. The bastard had every piece of him wrapped around his wickedly nimble fingers. Worst of all was that he knew perfectly damn well too. Liam could only shake his head as he leaned back in his seat, trying not to be nervous about what they possibly were getting themselves in to. They had a name and a face to think about now. It made everything that much more real and exciting and scary all at once. The way Zayn kept looking in awe at James' photograph outweighed any fear Liam might have been feeling. Fuck being scared. This was a moment he wanted to be happy for, he decided before leaning over to press the attendant’s buzzer on the desk.  
  
It was undeniably eerie how quickly someone came knocking outside the door.

"How are things coming along? Were you able to narrow down some selections?" Their social worker peeked her head in from the hallway. Her name was Holly Adams. Liam and Zayn found her number somewhere in the mountain of agency brochures they were given after being certified to foster.

"Just one, actually." Liam stated.

Holly looked only mildly surprised. “That happens. There are more profiles to look at if-"

Zayn cut her off by clearing his throat. “That won’t be necessary." He said politely. “We would like to know more about this little boy. James Masoud." Zayn slid the profile across the table in the case worker’s direction. “He’s our pick."

Holly smiled as she slipped the sheet away into a folder stamped with the couple’s name. “We’ll start making arrangements immediately. I can have his full file ready for you two to browse over by tomorrow morning. If you still wish to continue, we can work from there."

 


	2. Chapter 2

Zayn and Liam discussed at length what they were and were not willing to take on when they decided to become foster parents. Sometime early on the in the screening process, they agreed that they should start off with one child, only because they had no children of their own and their agency felt all first time parents should start off as small as possible. This created one difficulty in that they couldn't consider any children who were part of sibling groups. The idea of further tearing apart a family that has all ready been through enough tragedy was not something they wanted to face. So, Liam and Zayn marked down to only be considered for kids moving through the system alone. They agreed they didn't want a small baby. Too many of those were adopted while older kids aged out and never found homes.  
  
So many decisions had to be made each step of the way. The conversations they shared about every little detail would last late into the evening, sometimes spilling over to the next day.

When the issue of abuse came up, Liam and Zayn went back and forth for a solid month. Abuse was a reality of the system, they knew that. Sure, children who hadn't experienced abuse existed and were available. Plenty of kids were taken into care from loving homes affected by poverty or illness. This being their first time, that option looked more than appealing. Why take on something extra to an already challenging situation? Ultimately, it was Liam who made their final decision while they were in bed together one night.

Liam was very adamant when he reached across to nudge Zayn awake, positively fuelled by urgency. "The whole bloody point of the thing is to provide love and stability, yeah?" He whispered sharply.

Zayn gave a tiny grunt in reply, rolling over to face Liam with a less than thrilled face. "What are y'sayin', babe?" He forced through a yawn. He was trying to appear awake enough to have this conversation. Something about the serious gaze fixed in his direction let him know it wasn't just late night pillow talk. Liam Payne was one of the few people Zayn knew who could be absolutely knackered and on the very verge of sleep, only to be spurred completely awake instantaneously by a sudden conviction. When he grabbed a hold of something, he didn't let go.

"Like, if we take one who's been hurt..." Liam tried to explain, "I don't want to be afraid of having to give a bit more of myself to someone who needs it." He spoke into the darkness, unsure if he'd get any form of a lucid response in return.  
  
The silence that followed made Liam start to entirely second guess himself. Maybe Zayn was just too out of it or worse, maybe he didn't feel the same at all.  
  
"Does that make sense?" Liam wondered nervously. He was absolutely gob smacked when he felt something shifting on the mattress and then a pair of lips crashing blindly against his face, completely missing his mouth and landing on his chin.

"I think you're right." Zayn sleepily whispered before he landed another kiss on Liam's jaw. He let his lips rest against the familiar stubble, his next few thoughts swimming around in his sleep heavy mind. "I think..." Zayn repeated,  pausing momentarily to lick his lips and let the right words come to him. "There's nothing m'honestly afraid of if I get to tackle it with you. Maybe that sounds stupid, but like, if you're sure of something, I know m'sure too."

Those sleepy whispers had settled their conversation on the topic. But flash forward three months later and here they were picking from real children with real stories. They quickly learned that there existed four main categories for abuse. Sexual, Emotional, Physical, Neglect. Then subcategories below those categories, and not to mention the multiple intersections possible between those categories.

Holly hadn't explained over their numerous phone calls what exact types of abuse James had suffered. The ambiguity made both Liam and Zayn's minds churn with fear after fear. They would be unable to find out anymore until their next meeting at the agency.

______________________________________________________________________________

Liam and Zayn woke up early that Friday morning to make their way down to their adoption agency’s office. A brief ride on the Tube followed by a not so brief squabble over whether they should or should not have taken their car landed the couple in front of the private agency’s headquarters located just north of London. Both men were relieved to have avoided recognition on their way. Liam felt a sinking pit of worry in his stomach the entire journey to the agency. It only ever faded once they were inside the gleaming double doors. They had managed to keep this process fairly under wraps. He and Zayn agreed early on to only inform family and close friends when concrete steps in the procedure were achieved. It wasn't safe to deal in maybes and possibilities with this sort of subject. They never brought up the fact they were even considering fostering until after they received notice of being approved. From the very beginning they both agreed everything would be safer that way.

The two soon found themselves in the bustling quiet of the main office. Prospective caretakers, office workers, and even some nameless children were floating around in the hallways, popping in and out of the various rooms. Liam and Zayn followed their caseworker Holly through the maze of cubicles, both feeling a healthy amount of apprehension. The activity around them was mad.  
  
Holly was young and conventionally pretty, not the type of person they envisioned for this sort of low-paying and emotionally taxing work. She had dark hair with dark features that contrasted against her fair skin, a piercing look more fit for a corporate boardroom than social work. Zayn remembered finding her positively terrifying when he learned what a grizzly bear she could be. Their young agency worker took her job and her cases seriously. It was made clear from day one that no additional preference would be given to the young couple due to their celebrity status. They would be approved to foster on their own merits. It was what had made Zayn and Liam sure that Holly and this private agency were the best choice. It didn't feel like anyone here was about to turn their earnest search for a family into a media circus.

Currently, Holly directed them very purposefully through a sea of shelves filled with binders and filing cabinets, past the chatter of people answering phones in hushed voices, and the occasional group of workers standing around a water cooler. They had a great deal to discuss today, and she seemed very eager to introduce Zayn and Liam to James’ complete file. The rhythmic sound of her heels clicking across the scuffed tiles eventually stopped. Finally, they reached a large, sectioned off desk area. Holly’s office was located in the very back, almost entirely away from the rest of the floor. She directed Liam and Zayn to take the two chairs in front of her desk as she pulled out a small stack of file folders bound together. She explained that this was James’ personal file from the time he entered care.

"His stack is relatively small in comparison to the others we have stored, so he doesn’t need his own binder yet, but he is working his way there. James was originally with a different agency for his first two placements, but was transferred over to us after that agency was terminated. He's been assigned to me ever since." Holly explained as she searched for the correct file folder in the stack. “I wanted to start with the basics of his situation. You both read that he's been in care for a year, yes?" Her eyes settled on the two men before her.

"Yes," Liam nodded. “So he lived with his parents before?"

Holly sat on the edge of her desk as she faced the two prospective parents. She was definitely young, maybe only two years older than Zayn or Liam, but had the air as if she had been performing this job for decades. “James’ mother walked out when he was three. He was left with his father one afternoon and she never returned. Mr. Masoud received notice that she terminated her parental rights, so he kept James for a year. He was affectionate, but his mental condition made the home environment not entirely stable. He admitted himself that he couldn't provide for James, so he left him with his older brother in an attempt to keep family within the family. The two brothers had some sort of falling out over James’ care, we never could determine what. Eventually, James’ father took him from his brother’s home and abandoned him outside a police station in Hackney."

Zayn shifted in his seat. “Did they hurt him?" He asked uncomfortably. "His dad and his uncle?"

Holly shook her head slowly. “It's never been clear, but the abuse was by someone with regular contact and they were the only adults with close access to James. His father refused ever hurting him, and the brother insisted everything was from accidents. When James was brought in to the police station he was given a medical evaluation. We only know that he was malnourished and showed the physical markers of being subjected to semi-frequent beatings. Repeated bone fractures, head trauma, things along those lines. James was never able to tell us much. He was mute for that entire first month, we assume mostly due to shock. When asked who hurt him, he would always clam up and stop talking. Given the unstable nature of his home life and how young he was when everything occurred, he might not actually know the entire truth himself. A brief investigation was performed, but sometimes when the father and mother both agree to give up custody, the courts just see that the child was removed from the harmful situation. Who did what becomes less important." She described while crossing back around her desk and plugging in a kettle.

"James never said anything? Not ever?" Zayn frowned.

Holly didn't look up as she set tea bags into three different mugs. “James has had distinct difficulties with talking about his past and verbalizing his feelings. He’s been referred for sessions with a therapist, but he’s at a low slot on the waiting list. Meanwhile, we’ve found it increasingly difficult to place him in a long term foster family."

"And why’s that?" Liam inquired, speaking up after several long moments of processing the information he was being given. “He sounds like an ideal candidate on paper. No monumental medical issues, doesn't have brothers or sisters, he’s not one of the older children…"

Holly smiled tightly, nodding along with Liam’s assertions. “You’re absolutely right. James’ story makes for an intriguing profile in one of those binders. He’s a cute lad, has a smile that could melt anyone’s heart. Not too terribly old, though that’s quickly changing now that he’s reached five. He doesn’t come with the additional baggage of siblings. He has no apparent learning disabilities or health concerns. There is plenty of interest in his picture, absolutely. But many people get turned off once they look through his complete file." Holly trailed off as she turned to dig through one of the file folders from the stack. She flipped through several pages until she stopped on a stapled packet. With a delicate flick, she pulled the tiny stack of forms from the file and held them out for Liam and Zayn to see.

Zayn’s eyes scanned over the bold black marks covering what appeared to be family placement forms. “ **UNFIT** " was stamped in all capitals across multiple pages. Liam reached out and took the packet, softly thumbing through the forms as he nibbled on his lip.

"James has been placed in seven different foster homes to date." Holly began. “Each one started with the attempt to eventually adopt him. Most families sent him back on their own because they found him too difficult, but his first two families were found to be unfit fosterers. That was at James' old agency, the one that was shut down. The government found too many of the caretakers allowed to foster there were not properly investigated. Abuse and neglect were unusually common. I'm still trying to learn more about what happened to him there, why he was placed with the families he was placed with, how any of it could have happened at all. Both instances were with homes that had a large number of children. They only wanted to keep James so they could further manipulate the system. The sort who take on large numbers of charges so they receive more money from the benefit checks."  
  
"So he's been placed seven times?" Zayn asked incredulously, his brow furrowing together. "Sorry, but, he's been alive for five years and he's lived with how many different people?"  
  
"Ten. That's counting the times he moved before his father abandoned him and not counting the times he has lived in short term group homes." Holly's answer was given so directly, not sympathizing at all with the disbelief written across Zayn's face. She wasn't particularly moved by a first-timer's shock to the reality of the system.

Zayn sat back in his seat, eyes fixed downward as he thought about such a small child- _a baby, really-_ not being able to remember his own mum. James never was able to stay with one person long enough to feel secure or settled.

Holly continued to look nonplussed. “Since he's been under our agency, the issues with his placements have been with his inability to attach and trust. It's been hard to find a family that wants to give James the time he needs to relax and open up. We place him with couples who think they're getting a shy little boy who needs a bit of love, but then they realize he doesn't really talk. He's withdrawn. It's difficult to make him eat. He's uneasy around other children, so he stands in the corner shaking half the time."

"Has he ever been placed somewhere where he's the only child? Surely we can't be the first." Liam asked.

"No, you are." Holly insisted. "It's just not always so simple to meet every need for each child. You try the best you can, but families only willing to take one child at a time are tricky. They’re usually taken up by children with special medical conditions. Apart from the risk of inheriting his father's mental health issues, James' other afflictions of PTSD and anxiety are just par for the course in our world. Many families wanting single child placements are in the market for young babies. Most children over the age of three do not interest them. The few single placement families who would look at James’ in-depth profile often lost interest for a number of reasons. Many were discouraged by his uncertain mental health. They feared he was violent or delayed in some way. Those who have been interested past this point are usually turned away due to not meeting what has been pre-listed for James as an ideal home setting." The caseworker plucked another file folder from the stack on her desk. “That’s why I’m so pleased by your interest in James. I think it wouldn't take much convincing for your home to meet the approval requirements for our agency and the courts."

Holly pulled out a sheet of laminated photographs, holding it out for Liam to take. He looked at the first photo along the top of the page, spotting a tiny child dressed in over sized clothing. The boy on the page looked like he hadn’t had a bath for ages.

"That was James on the day he was placed into care." She explained. “Hard to believe that’s a photograph of a four year-old."

Zayn and Liam both tried to swallow their initial shock. The child in this photo looked far too frail and tiny to be four. But they knew by the bright hazel eyes that there was no mistake, the boy photographed had to be James. Liam watched as Zayn looked over the rest of the pictures along the sheet. The back and front of the page documented James’ first year in the foster system. Most showed his physical state when found, and how he changed after a few months of steady food and shelter. He was still small, maybe only grew a few centimetres altogether, but his ribs protruded less and his face gradually filled out and rounded. His hair had been shaved nearly to the scalp when he was first found. By the final photographs he had thick and dark hair that looked the same texture as Zayn’s. The very last photograph showed a skinny boy standing in a child sized football kit. Even clothes more suited for someone his age still managed to dwarf his limbs. Liam felt his chest tighten at the way Zayn couldn’t hide his smile.  
  
"That last photo was taken on his most recent birthday. It's difficult to tell in pictures, but he's grown a good bit." Holly spoke while they looked over the image.  
  
"It's the only one where he looks happy." Liam murmured as his thumb stroked over the white frame outlining the photo.  
  
"He doesn't smile much, it's true." Holly shrugged. "But I think he would really benefit from living with you two. He's never been placed in a home as the only child. Having two parents who can give him their complete attention would be good for his confidence and sense of security. After entering care he's had no connection with his father's heritage, either. Zayn being able to provide that link really weighs in your favour during the approval hearing."  
  
Zayn's head popped up from the sheet in his lap. "When can we see him?"  
  
A peculiar look crept across her face. "Well, if you're interested, I can arrange some on-sight meetings fairly soon. Just to test the waters..." Her eyebrows raised with the offer.

Liam briefly gripped at Zayn's knee before nodding along enthusiastically. “I think we would love to meet the lad, yeah?" He asserted while looking over for Zayn's confirmation.

Zayn's nod was eager, but he was mindful to keep his excitement contained. "Yeah. I think that would be brilliant."

Holly, for the first time since either man had met her, genuinely broke out into a grin. The moment was brief and was quickly replaced with her typical business-like demeanour, but the way the smile had reached her eyes was undeniable. “I will warn you that he is very timid and it could take several meetings for him to become even remotely comfortable around you. I urge you both to not get your hopes up. James is a hard egg to crack, but absolutely worth the effort."

"I think we’re up for the challenge." Liam affirmed, his voice warmed by the obvious smile stretching across his face. Zayn found himself needing to look down to hide his own grin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now introducing longer chapters! I never notice how short my updates are until I post them. When you're writing it feels like it's this epic length and then you post it and realize you wrote three paragraphs at best. smh. 
> 
> Anyways, this update took forever because I had to cram so much of the fostering process into one chapter, which was difficult. I want to speed things along for the sake of the plot, but I also want to stay at least somewhat remotely true to what a foster home placement is like. Shit's difficult as hell, y'all. 
> 
> All of the comments have been so lovely and encouraging! Thanks so much! Any constructive criticisms or suggestions are welcome as well. I try to work hard on these stories, but I also want to have fun while writing them so quality control can be a concern.

Their first meeting with James happened not terribly far from his group home. They arranged to meet in a private family room within their agency's office building. The set up was designed like a living room with a large observation window taking up the length of one wall. Inside there was toy box, a short climbing apparatus, and a plastic slide meant for a toddler. It was all the sort of thing to encourage prospective parents to interact with a child through play, but with the glass observation window it came across to Liam and Zayn as eerily artificial. It was easy to understand why the staff member who escorted them up referred to the room as the "fish tank".

Zayn and Liam were sitting restlessly on a blue sofa pushed against the wall. They were pulled out of their nervous whispering when a soft knock came at the door. The knob twisted before their assigned caseworker Holly popped her head in. "He's just only woken up." She explained before opening the door wider to reveal a little boy clutching her hand. "They tell me he rather enjoys his sleep." Holly spoke as she guided a hesitant James into the room.

"Well, he'd fit right in around ours." Liam joked as Holly lightly nudged James to come around from behind her and stand in front.

Both men took in the child's appearance with a fair amount of surprise. Despite viewing those early photographs in Holly's office, they weren't prepared for how tiny he was. Liam suspected his hand could easily engulf the boy's entire face. If he or Zayn were standing, James' head wouldn't reach either of their waists. He was dressed in a plain grey polo shirt and jeans, both obviously hand-me-downs and two sizes too big for him. The sleeves of the polo dropped to below his knobby elbows, the jeans only held onto his insubstantial hips by a belt. His trainers were scuffed and dingy. The clothes themselves, though clean, were obviously old and  tattered. The hem of James' shirt was shredded in places, with the collar heavily worn. They could see the scrapes on his knees through the holes worn into his jeans.

James looked hesitantly at the two strangers, trying to keep his back pressed to Holly's legs. Liam and Zayn smiled at him, trying to quell the obvious uneasiness in his eyes. Liam felt a slight tremor course through him the moment James' rich gaze briefly met his. He wondered how a boy so young and small could have eyes that looked ten times his age. 'Soulful' was still the only word that came to his mind.

Holly, in attempts to progress the situation, gave James another tiny nudge, "Can you say 'hello', love?" She asked quietly. The boy looked up to her, then back to Zayn and Liam several times before he finally shook his head. Holly seemed undeterred by his hesitance as she only smiled at him. "Just a wave then? Go on." She encouraged.

James gave a small shrug. He seemed to think it over for a moment before finally lifting his left hand from his pocket and giving a short wave over to Liam and Zayn. He began to let his eyes fall back to the floor, but all three adults noticed the way he suddenly lingered on Zayn. It wasn't clear if he felt startled or simply just curious, but every few seconds he would risk another look in Zayn's direction before quickly averting his eyes as if nothing ever happened. It raised the question of how long it had been since James was last around an adult who wasn't white.  
  
"Alright, James?" Liam spoke softly. "My name's Liam, and this is my husband Zayn." They watched the boy's face for any reaction to the word, but were equal parts surprised and relieved to find none. "We're really happy to meet you, mate." Liam finished, reassured just by seeing that James didn't instantly burst into tears or try to run from the room.

Holly finally made a point to back away from James and take a seat on the solitary plastic chair to the side. Despite the way James was trying to keep the one familiar person close to him, he suddenly found himself left to stand alone in the centre of the room. He clasped his little hands tightly together for a moment before cramming them nervously into his pockets. He stared at both Zayn and Liam, looking unsure.

Zayn, sensing that the boy was going to need more than a fair bit of coaxing before he could open up, slipped out of his seat and knelt down to the child's level. He gave a muted smile at the little person standing only an arm's length from him. "How old are you, James? Can you show us?" he asked, trying to make eye contact.

James chanced a quick glance at Zayn before looking down to the linoleum floor. He pulled out the same left hand from where it was crammed in his pocket and hesitantly showed all five fingers. He looked warily over Zayn's shoulder at Liam before quickly stuffing his hand back into his pocket and returning his gaze to the ground.

"Five years old? You probably know loads of stuff then." Zayn spoke as he sat back on his haunches, trying to keep his body language non-imposing. Now that he was closer he could tell that James hadn't taken a bath in a while. His hair was limp and greasy. Zayn also could detect what looked to be a dark smudge smeared across the bridge of his nose.

Much to everyone's surprise, James gave Zayn a sharp nod in response, folding his arms over his chest. When the expression on the child's face grew serious, Zayn couldn't help the soft laugh that escaped him, which only made James furrow his brows. Holly looked intrigued as she watched the interaction. It normally took hours to get much of any kind of response from James. She remembered the last first-meeting they tried with him where he broke into tears within the first ten minutes. After the prospective foster mother reached out to hug him, he screamed before turning to cling to Holly's legs, quietly begging until he was taken from the room.

Zayn scooted back slightly from James, being sure to give him plenty of personal space before standing and sitting back on the sofa. He looked over at the bag by Liam's feet and gave a small nod.

"We have something for you." Liam spoke up as he dug into the backpack. He pulled out a brown stuffed monkey dressed in a tiny football uniform, cleats and all. He and Zayn were at first unsure if a five-year old boy would want a stuffed animal like a teddy, but felt the footie uniform would make the present more cool, just on the off chance that a stuffy was too babyish in James' eyes. They ultimately agreed that even if the lad didn't particularly care for the present, it would at least help him realize they were nice people.

"You like football, James?" Zayn asked as Liam stood from his sofa and took a turn kneeling.

James nodded quickly, showing the first bit of enthusiasm or eagerness all afternoon.

Liam smiled as he held the monkey outwards. "I used to play all the time. Our mate Louis is really good, he played with a professional team for a little while. We weren't sure who you support, but we like United and, well...." He trailed off as he nodded for James to take the toy. "He's all for you, mate." He softly implored.

James frowned as Liam extended his hand outward, he scrutinized the gesture for several beats before finally reaching out and taking the stuffed animal. He almost immediately began to hug the little monkey to his chest with one arm.

Liam looked pleased as he stood to take his seat back on the sofa. "Glad you like him."

Zayn held out an inviting hand. "You want to come sit with us?"

The small boy froze, looking warily at the open spot between the two on the couch.

Sensing the cause of James' apprehension, Liam tugged lightly on Zayn's wrist so he would scoot down toward him. "There's a spot at the end for you, James." Liam offered with a tiny nod towards the empty seat. This would place James only next to Zayn, with Holly still sitting close by at the door. He hoped that would make the situation feel less pressured and more secure.

James nodded and finally stepped over to the sofa. He shook his head when Zayn offered him a hand and stiffly clambered on to the piece of furniture by himself, taking his seat with his legs curled beneath him. He set his new stuffed toy in his lap, holding onto the little monkey with both hands.

"We have something we wanted to show you." Zayn explained as Liam dug out his Ipad from their backpack. "We heard a lot about you before today, but you probably don't know a lot about us, yeah?" Zayn placed the device on his lap so James could see. "This is where we live." He spoke softly as he opened up a photo album of his and Liam's flat. He scrolled slowly though a few photos of their apartment, the building's courtyard/playground, the local dog park, even their cat, Loki. It was just a few pictures of their home and of them, nothing more. Liam and Zayn agreed early on to not tell James right away what they did for a living. If he already knew of One Direction, that was fine. If he didn't, why let that image get in the way of first learning who they were as people?

Holly smiled at the progression, pleased with how Liam and Zayn were able to put the normally timid boy at some state of ease. Most of James' first meetings never lasted this long. Parents either became too fed up with his lack of response and declined a second meeting, or they tried too quickly to smother him with affection and frightened the daylights out of him. Liam and Zayn spoke to James like he was a normal five year old lad. They were patient and kind, and showed no signs of wanting to initiate contact without James' permission.

"I'll be out in the hall for a few minutes, darling. You can play if you want." She offered the last bit hesitantly, knowing that it was highly unlikely. She was met with even more surprise as James didn't immediately cry out or try to dart after her. The boy gave a nervous glance towards the door while nibbling on his lip, but made no effort to move from his spot on the sofa.

James slowly turned his attention back to the pictures, as he admittedly was curious about the two men. One was dark like him. He kind of looked like his abbu, maybe just handsomer. James wondered where he was from. His accent sounded different in a strange way, sort of thick and heavy. The other man was white, but James noticed right away that he was tall and had muscly looking arms. They said they were husbands, which James had never seen before, but knew about a boy who lived in the group home being adopted by two mums. He decided they looked too young to be parents, which was terribly confusing. Why would these people want anything to do with him?

No one ever bothered to tell him much about the people in the meetings. He had to go in and meet strangers every time. That's what scared him so bad. He never knew what was behind the door. One time he dreamed his uncle came to the meeting room. James remembered wetting himself when he woke up and making everyone angry. All the kids laughed at him, even the few he thought were friends. He tried not to think about that as he looked at pictures of a really nice looking apartment. It looked massive! There was a kitchen and a room with a big TV and even a bedroom they said that could be his. He smiled when he saw a picture of a small grey cat sitting in a chair. The man who didn't look like his dad explained the cat's name was "Loki", like in the Avengers, which James had never heard of.

When James looked blankly at the name of the Marvel superheroes, Liam inwardly breathed a sigh of relief at the new conversation path that appeared. "What? You mean you don't know the Avengers?" He asked incredulously while raising an eyebrow.

James shook his head, looking disappointed with himself. He never knew all of the things kids at school watched and that made it hard to make friends. People always seemed upset with him and he grew tired of it. James really hated upsetting the people in the meetings. Sometimes he would do something and then the new strangers would look at Holly with a frown and then he would have to leave. That wasn't so bad when James didn't like the new people. But, sometimes, they actually seemed nice and Holly would get the frowny look all on her own and make him leave. Everyone always seemed to be expecting something from him and he could never figure out what. James often thought he might actually want to be adopted and go somewhere nice, if he could only know what it was he was supposed to be doing.

Zayn gave a small smile. "No worries, mate. I can show you." He explained as he opened a kid's e-comic that served as an introduction to the Avengers' storyline. He pulled his legs up onto the couch and sat cross-legged. "Mind if I read to you?" Zayn asked softly as he watched the five year-old regard the pictures with curious eyes.

Understanding suddenly dawned on James. He had seen these people before! _Those_ were the Avengers! They were superheroes. James had seen these figures on lunch boxes at school and on the few glimpses of telly he caught at some of his foster placements. He watched the Ipad screen as the figures moved in each tiny frame, sometimes making little sound effects if they were fighting a bad guy. James quickly looked up at Zayn and nodded, passing the device carefully back to him.

Zayn struggled to mask his chuckle by clamping his lips together. "Here, hold the Ipad, James. It'll be easier that way." He encouraged before carefully scooting closer to the child. He hesitated, watching for James' reaction as he slipped the Ipad to sit on the boy's lap. James showed a slight sign of discomfort as their legs bumped, but made no move to leave the sofa. He scooted slightly away from Zayn before turning his attention back to the screen.

Liam watched from his side of the couch as Zayn read to the sable-haired boy, prompting him to touch the screen and turn the page when necessary. He pulled out his phone and took a quick picture or the pair, sending one to his mum and Zayn's with the text: _first meeting going well! timid little lad, but he's really sweet._

Liam put the device away and continued to watch as Zayn read to James. He couldn't shake the apprehension he felt at the way the boy looked at them. He couldn't tell if James was just wary or properly terrified. He prayed they would be given another meeting together. Maybe things would get easier if they could all be given the time to get comfortable around each other.  
  
________________________________________________________

 

The young couple were elated to find out after their first meeting with James that they had been cleared for another. Holly had assured Liam and Zayn over the phone that the boy's hesitation was normal, and they actually had the longest meeting with James out of any of his previous matches.

That particular phone call with Holly had been one of their longest yet. She filled them in on the location of the next meet up, explaining that it would be held at a different building owned by their agency. She went on to advise that neither man should be expecting too much from the boy. It would be very likely that he would refuse any sort of affection or attempts at playing, but he could possibly open up and talk. Holly ran through some of her impressions from their first meeting with James. She praised their constant effort to respect his need for space. She was also pleased to see that neither man spoke to him like he was an infant, going on to explain that James was quite bright and often grew frustrated when other adults or children would assume he was challenged in some way due to his withdrawn nature.

"I can tell he's interested in you two, even if he won't come out and say it." Holly chattered away on the other line. "He actually asked me some questions about both of you when I walked him back. I've known the lad for a year and still nearly jump out of my skin when I hear his voice. It's always a shock. He's never asked much about the matches we introduce him to, but he was eager to know more about you."

"What did he want to know?" Liam asked. "How much do the kids usually know beforehand about the people they're matched with?"

"Not much." Holly admitted. "James wanted to know how old you both were. He wondered if you had any other kids, if where you lived was far away or really close. Those sorts of things."

"Has he ever seen a gay couple before?" Zayn wondered aloud. He and Liam sat together in their office, listening in through speakerphone. It had been something they both worried over when they came back home from their first meeting. What if a child rejected them? "We wondered if he might have questions about..."

"No, I don't believe he has in person." Holly admitted. "But on that note, I don't think he's seen many happy heterosexual marriages up close, either. He's been moved in and out of a variety of family structures in his previous placements. I don't think a normal exists for James."

Liam nudged Zayn at Holly's words, giving him a 'see! I told you!' expression with almost mirthful eyes. "That's probably a good thing, then." He smiled. "We did wonder if he asked anything about our jobs or what kind of work we do."

"No, he didn't." She promptly assured. "I understand that is something you both would wish to address on your own."

They sat huddled around the desk. Liam propped himself against the edge as Zayn sat curled up in the office chair, tapping his finger idly on Liam's knee.  "Yeah. We would appreciate keeping our work as secret from him as possible, at least for the moment." He admitted.

"That shouldn't be a problem. He doesn't really have easy access to the kinds of things that might make him wonder." Holly said brightly.

"We were also wondering if there was anything we could do for James." Liam spoke up. "Regardless if we are ever approved to foster him, Zayn and I would be glad to provide some new clothes or school supplies or..."

"I'm sure that would be lovely, but it is my job to encourage you..." Holly hesitated over the phone. "...to not become too attached. I think it's brilliant the amount of interest you're taking in James. I think you two are a strong match for him, but it still stands that he is not your foster son. You may meet several more children before you finally receive a placement. Don't get too hung up on one child." Her voice wasn't cold, but had shifted back to an unapologetically straightforward tone.

Zayn's hand stopped flicking at Liam's knee. "We understand that." He stated. "This is something we want to do regardless of any future outcome."

"Alright, then." Holly began. "The two of you probably noticed his clothes aren't in the nicest of states at the moment. It's hard to dress them properly when they move into the group homes. The only clothes they have are whatever their last placements allowed them to leave with and whatever hand-me-downs are left behind in the home by previous children. James seemed to not get much of either, I'm afraid."

"Could it be possible to have things sent to him? We could have them sent by tomorrow. Anything he needs, really." Zayn asked.

"I'm sure that could be arranged. I'm not really certain what size he is, but you both have his weight and height listed on the packet I sent you home with the other week."

Liam reached for the file. "Yeah, we have it here." He affirmed.

"Well, they're always needing new coats and warmer clothes when the winter months approach. I'm sure James is no exception. I'll send you the address to have the things shipped to. I'll be sure to make a visit to the group home to ensure they get to the right place." Holly offered.

Liam grinned as he watched Zayn start to make a list of things they should buy. "Sounds brilliant. We'll have everything ready to be delivered by tomorrow, I'm sure."

The phone conference soon ended after a few more pleasantries were exchanged. Holly reminded both men of the location and date for their next meeting before hanging up. They had two weeks to prepare everything. Liam could not decide if he felt the time was too long or too short. It seemed a frighteningly perfect blend of both. They wanted to plan everything to be perfect and be completely prepared for whatever could happen. At the same time, two weeks seemed like plenty of time to worry and think of all the possible disastrous outcomes.

"Stop fretting and help me." Zayn urged as he punched playfully at Liam's thigh.

The action was enough to pull Liam from his thoughts. He looked over to see several clothing retailers' homepages already pulled up on the screen. "Are you sure you'll be able to guess his size?" Liam asked.

Zayn shrugged. "Can't be that hard. It's not like we're buying the lad a custom suit. Just a coat, a couple of jumpers, a few tops, some trousers, and maybe a couple pair of trainers..." he trailed off as he began to look through child sized Nikes.

"Zayn!" Liam interjected, already sensing the man was in over his head. "We can't buy him Jordans! I think we should shorten that list. One coat. Two tops. One pair of trousers. One pair of trainers."

Although initially seeming deflated, Zayn relented. As time went on and he searched through more options, he looked slightly relieved to have Liam step in and set boundaries. Looking at the clothes had made his mind start to race with all of the things James could possibly be needing. The list seemed endless, now that he thought about it. They weren't meant to buy him an entire new wardrobe, just some essentials. He and Liam weren't his parents, Zayn reminded himself. The thought was crushingly sobering.

Liam noticed the change in Zayn's demeanour as they finished picking out their little list of clothing items. His eyes seemed hard behind his glasses as he gazed at the screen. His sombre mood carried on even after they had left the office. Zayn was quiet throughout most of that evening, only really ever speaking up when they half-heartedly bickered about what to have for dinner.

 

________________________________________________________

The morning of their second meeting with James came quicker than they had assumed. This new building belonging to their adoption agency was not as far north of London as the headquarters had been. It had been explained to them over the phone that this local was extremely close to the actual group home James was currently staying in. Liam and Zayn had Danny drive them to the refurbished brick building, vowing they would take the Tube back when he offered to pick them up once the meeting was finished.

"There's no telling how long we could be, Dan. We'll be fine on the Tube, mate." Zayn assured as he pushed the SUV's door shut.

His life-long friend just shrugged before he shook his head. "Hope it goes well for you. Give me a shout when you're finished, yeah?" Danny spoke through the open passenger window.

Zayn nodded, waving Danny off before he turned to walk inside with Liam. The weather wasn't bad for late January, strangely enough. London had managed to avoid snow for a solid week and a half. Today was only partly cloudy. The occasional glimpses of sunshine were warming. It was completely unheard of for Southern England at that time of year. Holly had mentioned to them over the phone that normally prospective matches would play outside in the building's courtyard if the weather was nice enough. She lamented that Zayn and Liam would probably not have such chances, seeing as their meeting was scheduled in the middle of winter.

Liam wondered aloud as they approached the entrance if they would actually get to play outside after all. Zayn shrugged as he tucked a bag of McDonald's under his arm. When they noticed their meeting would be just before noon, they had offered to bring lunch for James. Sure it wasn't the healthiest option, but they wanted to make these meetings feel less scary and more like a treat. Plus, Zayn couldn't think of any easy to grab food options that were more universally kid-friendly than McDonald's. Even their caseworker agreed, stating that lunch could possibly be another opportunity for bonding.

The two men made their way into the building's lobby and straight for the stairwell. They climbed to the floor Holly had said they would be meeting on. Once they reached the right floor they found a long hallway covered in marble. The couple made a few steps down the corridor before their young caseworker appeared further down.

Holly stepped out of a doorway and waved at Liam and Zayn. "I'm afraid I won't be able to sit in for your entire meeting today." She explained as they reached her. She had slipped the door softly shut behind herself. "I'll stay for a bit, but will probably have to leave to go address some business regarding James' placement in the group home. One of the caretakers for his group will sit in for the remainder."

"Is something wrong?" Liam asked.

"Some of the officials from James' group home have requested a meeting with me specifically. I wish I had more to tell you, but I only just found out last night. I can assure you that whatever the matter is it will have zero influence on your status as prospective matches for James." She assured. "It's just a new development in his case. Could be something incredibly minor, to be honest. Last meeting I had similar to this was for another child and it turned out to be over the girl developing lactose intolerance." Holly explained.

"But you're sure it's nothing serious?" Zayn questioned, looking only partly assured.

"I can't tell you if it truly is or isn't at this point." She admitted. "It's extremely likely that it's nothing to worry over. Whatever the matter is, I'll be sure to telephone you by this evening."

Zayn nodded, running a hand over his stubble as he tried his best to put this new bit of information in the back of his mind. Something about Holly's face made him unable to completely accept her reassurances, as much as he may have wanted to. Still, he knew he would have to make an effort. Zayn wanted to be in the best mood possible. He wasn't going to allow anything to negatively affect today's meeting.

Liam, on the other hand, seemed perfectly capable of completely pushing away any possible concerns. As far as Zayn could tell, he readily and easily hid any signs of the worry he may have felt. Liam smiled as he adjusted his hold on a small backpack they had brought for James before reaching out and taking Zayn's hand.

Holly made a pleased look at them before she turned to the door she had just closed. "I'm not so sure what his mood's like today. They told me he was upset last night because one of the older boys in the group home took the monkey you gave him and hid it somewhere. He seemed fine this morning, though." She explained quietly over her shoulder before she opened the door.

The room was much like the room they held their first meeting in. A few toy bins lined the walls. A small indoor slide sat in one corner, an indoor climbing frame occupied another. A sofa and armchairs were lined up against the opposite wall away from the play area. The only change noticeable was how the older building made the space seem less clinical than the meeting rooms at the agency's headquarters. As Liam and Zayn stepped all the way in they noticed an unfamiliar woman sitting on one of the armchairs.

She was middle aged with freckled skin that suggested too much sun exposure in her youth. She smiled politely and stood as Liam and Zayn entered. She held a hand out for them to shake. "Dianne, I work in James' group home. Nice to meet you."

After greeting the caretaker, both men turned to see James kneeling in front of a toy bin. The boy had stopped what he was doing to stare at the new arrivals. He blinked in surprise when he saw the two adults from the first meeting. James actually hadn't believed the grown ups who told him he would be seeing Zayn and Liam again today. He never got to have two meetings with the same people before, he usually messed something up the first time to ensure that he wouldn't see the same people again.

 James stood up, looking between the four adults who were staring at him. Dianne held a hand out to him in attempts to offer a secure place, but he scampered off towards Holly instead. The young caseworker rested her hands on the five year-old's shoulders. "Say hello, James." She prompted, giving him a small nudge.

James gave a brief wave to them, swinging slightly on the balls of his feet.

Zayn couldn't hide the grin stretching across his face at the sight of the boy dressed in the clothes they bought him. James looked much cleaner this time around, he observed. Though he was still so tiny in Zayn's eyes, wearing clothes that actually fit him made James look closer to his actual age. The grey jumper was a hare too big on him, but both men were relieved to see the black jeans and converse they bought for him looked to fit perfectly.

"You love the nice clothes they bought just for you, don't you?" Holly stated.

James blushed as he nodded, giving Liam and Zayn an embarrassed smile.

"What do you say, James?" Dianne prompted, giving him a pointed look.

"Thank you." He murmured, his chin pressed into his chest as he made only the slightest eye contact. It was the first time either man had heard James' voice.

"You're welcome, mate." Liam beamed warmly at him.

"I'm afraid I have to be going now." Holly spoke, more towards James than anyone else in the room. "I'll come and see you before you go back home, love." She promised to James, who was now turned and looking up at her with pleading eyes. "Go on and have lunch with Zayn and Liam. They brought McDonald's for you." She urged while backing out of the room.

After Holly left, James turned and looked at his prospective company for the afternoon. He looked nervously from the two men and to the caretaker standing just behind them. Liam and Zayn both thought it was strange that James didn't run straight for the other woman. They assumed she would be the next most familiar adult in the room. Instead, he just stood between the two prospective foster parents and the door, looking lost. For a moment, Liam thought James was about to cry until his eyes curiously fell on the backpack resting at his feet. James looked at Liam before nodding down at the bag, an inquisitive expression on his face.

"I'm afraid we brought something else for you, James." Liam spoke as he picked the small electric blue backpack up and handed it to Zayn. "Show him what you and Danny picked out for him." He urged before turning and taking a seat on the couch.

Zayn took the bag and knelt on the ground so he was at the small boy's level. He unzipped the largest compartment before he held the bag out towards James, beckoning him to come closer. James only timidly shook his head, a small smile on his face as he tried to peer into the bag from a meter away.

"Go on. He's not going to eat you." Liam encouraged with a nod.

 James blushed as he sheepishly took two steps closer to Zayn. He held out a small hand and grasped the backpack. Once his fingers had wrapped around the black handle at the top he quickly retreated back to his original distance with his gift. It was equally the most intense and adorable case of shyness either man had ever seen.

James reached inside the large compartment and pulled out a stack of five colouring books. The small boy sat down on the ground with the heavy stack in his lap. James' hazel eyes went wide as he looked over the pictures. They were dedicated to some of Zayn and Liam's favourite things when they were kids: Power Rangers, Spider Man, Batman, Curious George, and Toy Story. James couldn't believe it. It was all of the super heroes and characters from TV that he had seen other kids wearing at school or playing with in the nice foster homes. Even better, they were colouring books! James had never had any fresh ones to call his own before. He mostly had to colour with old books where most of the pages were either ripped out or already scribbled over.

"There's more, sweetheart. Keep looking." Liam encouraged from the couch.

James' brow furrowed as he turned back to digging down into the bag. He pulled out a large package of coloured pencils. The boy's eyes lit up as he poured over the bright yellow box. He looked from the gifts to Zayn and Liam, shock apparent on his face.

"And I think there's one more in here." Zayn spoke as he crossed over slowly to the boy. He hesitantly knelt down before James, relieved to see the five year-old was too wrapped up in the first two items to care about Zayn's closer proximity. He unceremoniously opened the smaller compartment of the bag and pulled out a black notebook. James stopped looking at the pencils and colouring books to curiously regard the object. "Do you like to draw, James? I wanted you to have a blank one so you could draw whatever you wanted." He explained.

 James nodded as he took the sketchbook from Zayn's hands. He took a meagre step back, but only as reflex. It wasn't in the same nervous way he had earlier. It was clear James was a bit overwhelmed. He had never been given such nice gifts before. There were the little stockings filled with fruit and cheap candies that the kids in the group home got at Christmastime, but they weren't like this. Those were always filled with identical gifts so no one got into fights. In some of his foster placements he had received handed down toys from previous kids that had been placed there before him. They were often broken or meant for kids much smaller than he was. Even if he had received something he liked, he always had to leave it behind once he was moved. James had never had something that was specially for him.

"Thank you." He sighed quietly while staring disbelievingly at the items.

Zayn grinned at him. "You're so welcome, James." He said softly. "Here, put the colouring books back in your bag. We'll go sit by the coffee table and draw while we eat, yeah?" He offered while standing. He watched as James neatly put the colouring books back in the new backpack. The little boy tucked the pencils and notebook under his arm as he struggled to heave the bag off the ground in his free hand. "Do you want some help?" Zayn laughed.

James shook his head as he started to make his way over to the table. Zayn stepped aside to let him pass, watching the determined five year-old struggle with all of his parcels. Finally, James managed to reach the table and set his things down. He knelt onto the floor across from where Liam sat on the sofa, eagerly opening up the blank notebook. Zayn crossed over to the table and took a seat next to Liam.

Liam began to unpack the McDonald's sack as Zayn helped James open the box of coloured pencils. He dished out everyone's food while watching the boy make his first little doodles on the blank pages. James seemed completely enthralled in what he was doing, not even noticing the juice box Zayn had opened and set in front of him. Several minutes passed where Zayn and Liam ate their food, with Zayn occasionally stopping when the boy showed him whatever he was working on. He would nod enthusiastically, picking up a pencil to add to the drawing before sliding it back to James. With a concentrated look, James would add on to the expanded piece. He never gave more than a second glance over to the chicken nuggets, apple slices, and chips set before him.

"James, eat your lunch." Dianne spoke up from her armchair against the wall. The boy nodded absently, only giving a blank glance over at his food. "You made a deal this morning after you didn't eat your breakfast. You said you'd eat all of your lunch." She warned.

James stopped drawing and picked up the juice Zayn had given him. He took a few sips before sliding his work over for his new found collaborator to see.

"It looks sick, mate." Zayn praised. "But you should probably take a break and eat some."

James' face fell. He looked over at his food dejectedly before setting the pencil down and closing the notebook. The boy picked up an apple slice and took a few nibbles. His eyes looked over the entire meal he had left to eat and an expression of defeat came across his features.

Liam, who had nearly finished his food, looked thoughtful. "Are you not hungry?" He asked.

 James shrugged as he finished the apple slice, casting a longing look over at the notebook. He picked up another apple, taking the same slow nibbles as before. A sigh came from across the room as Dianne stood from her chair. It was clear this was a battle she had face before.

"I'm running down the hall for five minutes, James. If you haven't made real progress in eating your food by the time I get back you're not going to have playtime with the others this evening." She stated before crossing the room and opening the door. "I mean it." She gave a final warning before wagging a finger at the boy and leaving.

James' shoulders slumped as he looked at all of the food spread before him. He set down the half-eaten apple slice he was working on and picked up one of the chicken nuggets. He took one bite before setting the morsel down. He let his head fall into his hand, his hazel eyes sad as he nibbled down on his lip.

Zayn frowned as he reached over and picked up James' notebook. He flipped open to a fresh page before he reached for a couple of coloured pencils. The boy looked up to stare at him curiously. His small brows furrowed together as he watched Zayn begin to create something in his notebook. "I'm making something for you." He explained while working.

James strained to see from his spot, but Zayn was keeping the notebook close to his chest. Liam grinned as he leaned over, catching a glimpse of the fast doodle his husband was sketching out. "Oh, that's quite good, that is." He remarked with a smirk, noticing James fidgeting impatiently from how badly he wished to see.

"Eat your food and I'll show you." Zayn offered, his dark eyes hopeful.

James nodded as he moved to pick up the piece of chicken he had previously abandoned. The boy ate with a renewed purpose. After he had finished an apple slice and another chicken nugget, he noticed that he was indeed somewhat hungry. He ate quite happily. He had finished all of his apple slices and chips by the time Liam had reached for one of his colouring books. James watched enviously as he began to colour away at a picture of Buzz Lightyear. He was about to stand up and join Liam when Dianne re-entered the room. James glanced at his remaining bits of food. He hoped the three untouched chicken nuggets would be a small enough amount to please the woman, because he had really tried his best. He really didn't care about playtime with the other kids that much, but he knew she or one of the other caretakers might take away his colouring books as punishment. He also didn't want Liam or Zayn to think he was bad for not listening or simply just strange for not eating his food.

Dianne nodded her approval as she inspected the amount of food before James. "That's much better." She praised. "You didn't get any help from this lot, did you?" The woman teased while nodding over to the pair sitting on the sofa.

 James, seemingly unaware that he was being teased, shook his head with an incredulous expression. Liam and Zayn had to fight to hide their smirks.

"Well, the weather outside is quite nice for January. If you want, you can play with Liam and Zayn out on the playground." Dianne offered.

James nodded his head, looking relieved that he could throw away the rest of his food. It had been a struggle to eat what amount he did. It wasn't that James didn't like the food, either. He loved McDonald's on the rare occasions he was ever offered some. It was just that there were a lot of times when he simply wasn't hungry. Try as he might, food just didn't look appealing to him. Then there were other times when he felt as if he were completely starving and ate until it felt like he would burst. James helped Liam and Zayn pack away his colouring supplies into his new backpack. He paused when he saw the drawing Zayn had done for him. It was two clouds making silly grumpy faces while shooting lightening bolts at each other.

Zayn watched as the boy grinned at the drawing he quickly sketched out. He even took the time to sign his name in the bottom corner. James' eyes fell to the signature and a sudden spark flashed across his face. He eagerly reached for the notebook and flipped to the drawing that he and Zayn worked on together. It was of a dinosaur and a robot fighting each other in a large city. The dinosaur Zayn drew was using one of the surrounding buildings as a shield, while the crude robot James sketched shot orange laser beams from his eyes. The small boy picked up a black coloured pencil and neatly began to print his entire name at the bottom. Zayn watched as James carefully ripped the page out and handed it to him.

"You want us to keep this?" He asked him.

James nodded eagerly at both men.

"This is brilliant." Zayn beamed. He showed the drawing to Liam, who quickly took the paper to examine it for himself.

"A robot shooting lasers from his eyes!? That's genius, sir." He praised.

"Do you mind if I fold this?" Zayn asked. "I don't want it to get messed up when we're outside."

James nodded as Zayn began to neatly crease the piece of paper and slip it into his inner jacket pocket. Liam stood and helped James slip his new backpack onto his tiny shoulders. Dianne turned for the door and they all followed her out into the hallway. They started to walk towards a staircase at the very opposite end of the hall from which Liam and Zayn had arrived.

Liam hung back with Dianne as Zayn and James walked ahead of them. "Has he been alright?" he asked Dianne casually as they reached the staircase.

The woman made an unsure face. "It's hard to say. I've only been just recently assigned to his group home. I worked at one for girls not too far away, but I only just met the lad last week."

"Is that normal? Do the caretakers get moved around a lot?" He wondered aloud. This did explain why James seemed so unsure of her. Technically, he had known Zayn and Liam for longer than he had known Dianne.

She nodded grimly. "It's not at all unheard of."

"His caseworker told us this morning that some of the older boys have been ganging up on him. Someone is trying to put a stop to that, aren't they?" Liam asked. "It's just that he's so shy and he's small for his age. We worry that he might not be able to defend himself."

The blonde caretaker bit her lip as they reached the bottom of the stairs. Zayn and James were nearly at the door for the courtyard. She and Liam hung back a few more steps. "I've noticed that three of the older ones in particular do seem to target him. It's hard because most of the little boys are too afraid of becoming targets themselves to stand up for each other. If one of them is singled out, there's often no one to stand up for them."

Liam made a face. "That's where the adults should intervene. Surely it's not left to a gang of five and six year-olds to stick up for each other against a band of pre-teens."

Dianne nodded. "Of course we try. But when there's only two constant on-sight caretakers for a group home consisting of 20 boys on any given week, it becomes hard to keep an eye on everyone."

Liam shook his head slowly. "I can understand that. I'm sure it's difficult for you, but he can't just be left to fend for himself. Someone needs to look out for him."

Dianne gave an understanding nod as Zayn and James walked out towards the small playground in the courtyard. The pair looked back at the two adults lagging behind, but Liam just waved them on. "I believe that's what the meeting your caseworker had to attend is about. Usually when there's a problem amongst the children in a home there's a meeting between the leaders of the home and that child's caseworker." She spoke.

Liam tilted his head. "What do they talk about?"

Dianne shrugged. "From what I've seen, they talk about moving the child being affected to another home or another placement. It doesn't always happen that way, but if they feel the situation is severe enough it's often the only solution. I can't tell you what the leaders for James' group home think because I've only been on-sight for such a short amount of time. It could be less serious then that. Truthfully, it often is. You shouldn't worry." She tried to ease the apprehension on Liam's face, but it didn't seem to do much good.

Liam gave a tight lipped half-smile for politeness' sake. "That's what they keep telling us. Thank you." He murmured softly as he began to walk out into the courtyard to join his husband and James. The ground was a bit soggy beneath his feet as he stepped out onto the grass. The pair were standing at the small playground in the centre of the courtyard.

"Hey you." Zayn greeted as he turned at the sound of Liam's approaching footsteps.

Liam smiled at the two as he reached them. He looked down to watch the way James stared uncertainly at the different climbing apparatuses, slides, and swings that stood before him. Liam felt almost sure at that moment that the boy hadn't had many experiences on a real playground before. He looked as if he didn't know quite where to start.

It was true. Now that he stood outside with Zayn and Liam, James felt more than a bit nervous. _Please don't let them think I'm stupid,_ he worried. He was probably the only kid they had ever seen who didn't know what to do on a playground. It wasn't that he didn't know how to play. He had seen the older kids on the playground at the group home a thousand times. He had played some on the playground at his school, too. It was just that usually the older boys wouldn't let the little kids play on the swings or the really tall climbing frames. He wasn't used to having an entire playground to himself. He wasn't used to having two adults all to himself, either. To be honest, James wasn't even sure if Zayn and Liam counted as adults. They looked so young. He was pulled from his thoughts when Liam nudged his shoulder.

"You any good at climbing, James?" He asked. James shrugged as the corners of his mouth tilted down into a semi frown. He honestly had no clue.

Zayn started to walk forwards. "Well, there's only one way to find out. C'mon, mate." He held his hand out to the boy. James looked at the tan hand offered before him for a moment. He eventually began to follow behind Zayn, choosing to ignore the man's offer to lead him. They pretended to ignore James' refusal at physical contact and walked alongside him to the tall climbing structure in the centre of the playground.

Just as Liam thought, they had to sort of teach James how to play. He watched as they foolishly began to climb all over the structure, giggling at Zayn's nervous face when Liam jokingly nudged him every time he climbed higher. James slowly walked around the base of the frame, laughing as he watched Zayn and Liam's antics from below. This went on for several minutes before Zayn beckoned from up top for James to join them. Cautiously, he pulled himself up onto one of the bars. The two men stopped to watch as the lad began to make his way up the side of the structure, a triumphant look gracing his little features.

Liam watched as James climbed with them, no longer paying attention to Zayn babbling about how much he hated heights for the little boy's amusement. He felt a strange feeling in his chest that he tried to ignore, but it proved worryingly impossible. They had been told at every turn in this process to not get attached too early. Every child they were introduced to could walk out of their lives just as quickly as they had entered. They knew that. Liam was sensible. He should have known best of all. But yet here he was, hoping with every fibre of his being that the universe would sway in his favour. _Don't take this one from us_ , he prayed internally. Liam knew he was probably a damn fool for thinking this way, but he couldn't help it. _Just not this one,_ he thought to himself. _I don't want to see him go._


	4. Chapter 4

Liam and Zayn were silent on the Tube ride home from their second meeting. They both felt a certain sadness as the dirty concrete whizzed past them in the underground tunnels. The feeling was made worse by realizing that there wasn't any one true reason to feel sad. It was arguable that this last meeting had been more successful and productive than the first. James had interacted with them properly this time. He let Liam show him how to swing without being pushed and how to jump off. He drew pictures with Zayn and didn't flinch when the man rested a hand on his shoulder as they walked back towards the caretaker. There was finally hope that maybe James hadn't shut himself completely away from others, something both prospective parents desperately wanted to see. Yet Zayn couldn't help but feel like they left their first meeting in infinitely higher spirits. It was sometime between saying goodbye and walking back to the station when different details from the afternoon started to replay in their minds. Liam remembered the moment when Zayn had promised the boy that they would come back and see him again. James nodded at the words, but ultimately just looked bitter. _How do you even begin to assure a child who has been lied to by every adult figure he's ever encountered?_ Liam wondered as they walked away from the agency building.

Covered by either hats or hoods, no one was able to tell the identities of the two young men sitting together on the train. After more than a decade of living in the city, both Liam and Zayn had learned which hours were better to ride public transport and which lines to avoid all together if they didn't want to be recognized. It was a tricky process, but one they felt they had mastered. Liam had been a fidgety bundle of energy the entire journey home. In contrast, Zayn sat stock-still. He was seemingly lost in thought as he replayed the afternoon over and over in his head. Meanwhile Liam repeatedly shifted in his seat, bounced his foot, and tapped little beats on his partner's hand and knee. At one point, Zayn finally reached over and stilled Liam's fidgeting, squeezing his hand in a silent plea. It wasn't that he was particularly annoyed, he just wasn't going to serve as something for Liam to use as an anchor. He wasn't going to let him sit there and use taps and twitches as some sort of distraction from having to process things. Zayn was often the one guilty of withdrawing and navigating feelings all alone, but Liam would cling to his routines and act overly fine to avoid a situation all together. One would dwell while the other avoided. Zayn felt they couldn't do that right now. That dynamic wouldn't work here. He needed for them to be somewhat remotely on the same page for that moment. 

Once they stepped off the Tube and back out onto the streets of their West London neighborhood, Zayn wordlessly grabbed for Liam's hand. He began to lead them back home, Liam allowing himself to be pulled along. They walked close together, their clasped hands kept hidden between their bodies covered by heavy coats. They didn't normally hold hands out on the street, but they were tired and Zayn wanted nothing more than to get them in the confines of their home. He wanted dinner. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to begin the long process of finding out where the hell Liam's mind was at. They were finally close to their building, the early evening air cutting through their coats in a way that urged their tired legs to walk faster. The pleasant mildness of the mid afternoon was long gone. Zayn shuffled them inside the warmth and protection of their building's lobby. He released Liam's hand and quietly guided them both onto the lift.

Their shoes thudded lightly down the hallway to their front door. They shared this top floor with another family they had only seen on two occasions. It was hard to remember to be courteous to neighbors that you rarely ever saw. They slipped quietly inside their flat, the early evening sun providing the only light. Liam's hands rested atop Zayn's shoulders, causing him to glance back in curiosity. Brown eyes met hazel and Zayn realized that he had only wanted to take his coat. He allowed Liam to pull the thick garment off of his thin frame. He made a small show of rolling his shoulders now that he was free from the excess weight. A satisfying crack sounded that made him sigh in relief. He didn't even have to look back to know that Liam grimaced.

"I'm starting dinner..." He trailed off while beginning to cross through the living room.

Liam simply nodded his head, seemingly finished with putting their coats away. He stood gaping at nothing, looking as if his mind had checked out.

"...you going to come help me then?" Zayn prompted. Liam startled and nodded his head sheepishly before following along behind.

Zayn watched his partner out of the corner of his eye as he began to dig for a pan. Liam was inattentively pulling out produce from the bottom bins in the refrigerator, operating completely on autopilot. Zayn ignored when Liam began to chop greens completely off the cutting board. It was making a mess, sure, but it still made progress to the eventual end goal of dinner. It was only when Liam chose to reach for a raw jalapeno pepper that Zayn felt he had step in and stop him.

"I can't quite recall jalapenos as one of the items for Caesar salad. I mean, I'm all for adventure..." He teased lightly as he squared up right behind the taller man's back

"Oh, bollocks..." Liam pulled a face as he came to his senses. Zayn then watched in horror as his husband's hand went to rub at his eyes. Reflexively, he lashed out and tightly gripped the wide wrist.

"Look at what you're doing." Zayn said while nodding at the seeds sticking to Liam's fingers. He released his hold only so Liam could turn and begin to wash his hands at the sink. "What's gotten in to you?" Zayn pressed. "You going to tell me what's wrong?" His hand travelled up to stroke lightly at the back of Liam's neck, tone shifting from annoyance to genuine unease.

Liam's head dipped as he dried off his dripping hands. "Can you give me a chance to figure it out?" He asked softly. He always did want to tell Zayn what was bothering him, he just needed the time to work out exactly what it was for himself, first.

Zayn licked his lips before nodding, letting his hand smooth down the toned back. "Just take it easy for me, will you? Could you do with not chopping off a finger or temporarily blinding yourself, maybe?"

Liam gave him a tight-lipped half grin. "Try my best."

Zayn was about to make a dirty joke suggesting that Liam explain it to him on all fours later that evening, but either he aired on the side of sensitivity or was silenced when he heard his phone ringing on the corner of the kitchen table. He would never be able to distinguish which line of rationality reached him first. He opted instead for pushing his hips firmly into Liam's backside before pulling away and crossing over to answer his phone. Zayn's eyes widened as he read Holly's name across the screen.

"Zayn? It's Holly Adams. Are you and Liam somewhere where you can talk?" Their caseworker's familiar voice sounded from the speaker.

"Yes, we're good to talk." Zayn's eyes shot across the kitchen towards his husband, silently imploring him to stop what he was doing.

"My meeting with James' group home leaders brought on some issues we need to discuss." Holly explained, the usual background noise of her office space absent. "It turns out the meeting was called for matters more serious than I or you had been led to initially believe."

"What happened?" Zayn demanded. Liam had crossed over to him by this point, leaning over to rest his head on Zayn's shoulder in attempts to hear Holly's end of the conversation.

"James has become the target of attacks from older boys living in the home. I know I mentioned he was being picked on earlier this morning, but what was described to me this afternoon crosses those lines."

"Crosses them how?" Zayn asked as he finally switched to speakerphone.

"James has been repeatedly locked in closets for periods exceeding 24 hours. He was found this evening hiding under a bed with marks suggesting some sort of physical altercation."

"How bad of an altercation?" Liam interjected.

Holly was silent for a beat. "There were no broken bones or signs of concussion." She quietly assured. "They noticed some bruising around his abdomen and ribcage, so they naturally asked for him to tell what happened-"

"He wouldn't talk, would he?" Zayn cut in as his eyes met Liam's face, his lips pressed tight.

"He talked." Holly remarked. "James was very reluctant, as you would assume, but he did confess after an interrogation from the group home leaders. They saw it more crucial to identify the boys and their actions than to be sensitive to James' trauma."

"What did they do?" Liam quietly asked the question that they both knew Zayn wouldn't be able to.

"A group of three thirteen year-old boys took turns sitting on James' chest until he lost consciousness. We pieced together that the times he wouldn't come to right away, they would just hide him in a supplies closet to keep him out of sight until he woke up."

"How long has this been going on?" Liam continued, his brow now furrowed together. "If people knew there were repeated offences and never once stepped in to do anything-"

"How were they supposed to know any sooner?" Holly reasoned. "James doesn't talk! It's what makes him a target in the first place."

"What does this mean for James? Surely they're not going to leave him in the home." Zayn wondered.

"That's the reason I'm calling you this late in the evening." Holly started. "James must be removed from the group home. Legally, no child in care is allowed to be placed in a group home setting for longer than two months. They are only meant to be temporary solutions when an agency cannot find an immediate foster family. James was just two weeks short of that time frame, meaning that he was due for finding a new long term placement. We've discussed how difficult it has been for our agency to place James, which was why he had to spend such an abnormally long time in a group home to begin with. I've made the necessary motions for him to be transferred for emergency placement."

There was a moment of silence as both men looked at each other. Equal amounts of confusion and terror reflected back at them. _"Emergency placement?"_ Liam mouthed at Zayn.

Holly cleared her throat, bringing both of them back to the conversation. "With your permission, I would like to submit your home profile to my supervisors for emergency approval to foster James."

Zayn could hear the blood rushing through his head. He gazed at Liam, whose face had paled considerably. He had turned away, fingernails jammed into his mouth as he began to pace around their dining nook. "Of course." Zayn stammered as he watched Liam. "...what does that mean?"

"It means that, upon approval, James could be placed into your home in two nights time." Holly stated.

Liam turned abruptly on his heels, his eyes wide as he stared at where Zayn stood with his mobile. "He's going to live with us? This week?" He asked.

"I realize it's not the circumstances any of us envisioned, it's by no means a desirable situation, but James needs this. There are no other candidates to foster him other than the previous homes that terminated his placement. I don't want to try sending him back to a place that already rejected him when two-"

"Of course we'll have him." Zayn cut her off. "It's sooner than we expected, but he's more than welcome here. Have you been able to speak with him? Where is he staying in the meantime?"

"The boys who hurt him have been removed from the home, meaning James will have to stay for only the next two nights. I haven't had a chance to see him since earlier today. I've been busy after the meeting making the necessary arrangements to have him moved." Holly said.

The conversation lasted for nearly another hour. Zayn and Liam sat listening while their caseworker explained the workings of an emergency placement. There would be additional paperwork they would have to sign the very next morning, followed by a meeting with their agency's review panel. Holly assured them that she was certain their file would be approved. James had no other viable options lined up and they were the first single placement family to ever be open to accepting him. She agreed to personally drop James off at their flat Friday evening if everything went to plan, giving the couple two days to prepare.

___________________________________________________________________________

Liam seemed distracted the remainder of that evening. He and Zayn rattled off back and forth things they would need to do before Friday came. The list would grow by three items, only to have one knocked off before another four were added. Liam couldn't sit still as they discussed things. His fingernails had found their way into his mouth just as Zayn made plans for them to run to the hardware store after they signed all the necessary papers at their agency's office.

"We should probably call your parents first with the news, yeah?" Zayn wondered aloud as he looked up from the list he was scribbling down.

Liam nodded absently as he worked at nibbling away the hangnail he had given himself earlier that evening. "Yeah..." He murmured.

"You're not here with me right now, are you?" Zayn remarked softly as he set aside the notepad he was etching ideas into. "I can see it on your face, Li. You're miles away."

"I'm just knackered from today, s'all." Liam assured with a small smile. "Shouldn't we be going to bed soon, anyways? It's midnight and we need to be up early tomorrow." He insisted upon changing the focus off of himself.

"There's just so much to do and we have like-what? Two days? That's nothing." Zayn argued.

"Zayn, imagine how exhausted we're going to be from here on. I'd like to claim our last nights of childless adult sleep." Liam's eyes pleaded.

Zayn frowned at his husband's words, but eventually relented. Any list they tried to make would never truly be completed, he realized. There would be plenty of things they would not know to need until James actually arrived. Zayn stood from their sofa, reaching down to grasp Liam's arm so he could haul him to his feet. "C'mon, to bed with us, then." He urged while dragging a slow-moving Liam behind him.

Liam struggled to settle down once the couple had curled up together in their bed. Zayn pretended to sleep as he listened to the sound of legs shifting and a hand rubbing through short hair. The toned arms that usually snaked around Zayn in the middle of night were tense and busy slipping in and out from under the covers.

"You're going absolutely mental, you know that?" Zayn quietly murmured from his side of the bed. Liam sighed before turning to face him, defeat apparent on his face. Zayn's gaze locked on to his collarbone, his slender fingers lightly smoothing over the area. "Tell me what's going on, then. Let me at least try to fix it for you."

Liam inhaled as he watched the tan fingers smooth up and around the dip in his collar. "It's just..." He began, blinking his eyes rapid fire in attempts to steady his reeling mind. "...He's been hurt a lot before, right?"

Zayn hummed quietly in agreement, allowing his fingers to walk down Liam's chest before traveling back up to feel the birthmark on his neck.

"How are we supposed to fix that for him?" His voice grew tight, sounding like his jaw was clenched in frustration. "I haven't even started yet and I already feel useless."

Zayn slipped his hands down Liam's shoulders and over his biceps. He coaxed the toned limbs to slip around him, scooting so he was pressed to Liam's chest. "You can't think about it like that. You know you can't." He soothed.

Liam pulled the smaller frame tight against his. "It feels like such a pass/fail sometimes, you know? Like, what if we just fail him like all the others? What if we only add on to all the other shit that's been thrown at him?"

"Liam..." Zayn breathed out against the neck he was nuzzling. "How long has this been eating at you?"

"Don't know..." He admitted. "To be honest, it could have just hit me now."

"You don't think any of that's normal?" Zayn looked up, his nose tickling the man's jaw. "To be nervous about this kind of thing?"

"Doesn't seem to be much of a bother for you." Liam argued.

"Do you remember why we chose to foster? Like, when both Ruth and Doniya offered to be surrogates and every agency was trying so hard to push us to adopt a baby." Zayn pulled back slightly so their eyes could meet. "Do you remember why we said 'sod it' to the rest and chose this instead?"

Liam shifted before nodding. "Wanted to do something for someone else." he mumbled. "Everything else just felt like it would be completely for..."

"Felt like it was something just for our benefit, didn't it? That wasn't why we decided to have a family, was it? It wasn't a decision just for us." Zayn pressed.

"Yeah and now it's really happening and I suddenly feel like maybe those well wishes and good intentions won't be enough. Are we really meant to do this? Cause if we're not, now seems like such a shit time for me to be figuring that out."

"Li..." Zayn shook his head before pressing his lips to Liam's bare shoulder. "Your good intentions will always be enough." he murmured against the cool skin. "If it were anyone else, I don't think I would bother trying to say all this, but it's you, and I know m'right. It doesn't do any good to worry y'self into this sort of state, babe. What you have, what we have, it's enough. Why shouldn't it be?"

Liam ducked his head, letting Zayn's lanky arms pull him in close. He nestled in underneath Zayn's chin, trying to avoid the way the dark stubble felt against his forehead. Liam listened as the smaller body he was pressed to made little ticks and gurgles. "I won't be able to forgive myself if I hurt him. If I let anything-"

"Shh." Zayn silenced him with a squeeze. "I've never seen you not leave something better than you found it, Liam. Stop doing this."

Liam sighed against Zayn's neck. "I'm trying. I really am."

Zayn kissed his husband's hairline. "Then make me believe it, y'daft sod." he scolded fondly. Zayn reached to pull the covers higher over their bodies. "Hush for me, will you? M'right here. S'no sense in worrying away the night.

Liam burrowed deeper into Zayn's embrace, feeling completely encased by limbs and warmth. He felt the tightness leave his shoulders and managed somehow to keep his teeth from grinding. Zayn's throat hummed against his cheek as he listened to nonsense filled murmurs drift down to him. He never stopped worrying, it wasn't in Liam's nature to stop. Zayn knew that about him and had grown to accept it. Everyone else in Liam's life had grown accustomed to just letting Liam worry, as well. There wasn't anything to be done about something so intrinsic to his nature. Zayn was different in that he refused to let the man worry alone. No matter how much confidence he possessed in Liam's ability to solve his own problems and to look out for others, Zayn would always sit up and shoulder some of the weight.

___________________________________________________________________________

They told their families first thing the morning after they received the phone call from Holly. Zayn's parents were elated, the squeals of his mum and youngest sister could be heard in the background as his father congratulated them. Yaser reminded Zayn to not be stubborn and to call if he or Liam ever felt overwhelmed. "He's not just getting two new fathers. He has an entire new family just a few hours north." He insisted. Trisha stole the phone to voice her confidence in the boys' capabilities, particularly Liam. "Anyone who possesses the patience to break through Zayn has all they will ever need to be a parent." She asserted. Liam's parents were surprised at the fast pace of everything, firing off one question after another. Zayn took his turn to assure them that they were as ready as they could ever be, and that they would bring James to Wolverhampton as soon as things settled down.

Liam and Zayn spent the past two days cleaning and rearranging things around their flat. They stocked the fridge and cupboards with groceries and kid-friendly plates and silverware. They held off on actually decorating James' room properly. They bought plain bedding and put a coat of bright green paint on the walls, but decided all of the more personal touches could wait until later. Liam initially wanted to go all out and choose an elaborately themed room to surprise James, but Zayn managed to persuade him otherwise. James had never experienced a room of his very own before. Him being able to pick little things like the posters on the walls and what super hero adorned his bed sheets would be more meaningful.

They were fidgeting uncomfortably in front of the telly when their door buzzer sounded. Neither had been paying attention to the evening news flashing across the screen, they truthfully just wanted some sort of background noise as they tried to contain their nerves. It was agreed that Holly would drop James off in the evening. It made the transition easier if the little boy didn't have to face an entire day with his new family as soon as he put a foot through the front door. This way he would at least have a night of sleep in his new home before he had to live out his first day with two new fathers.

Liam tried hard to suppress all of the nervous energy thrumming through his veins as they headed for the entryway. He was self-conscious about inconsequential things like what to do with his hands and how to smile without looking like a loon. It felt like his tongue was swelling up in his mouth and like his heart beat was dangerously surging. It wasn't at all the sort of jitters he experienced before going out on stage or standing in a huddle before a football match. Liam felt like some sort of weight sat in his stomach and the bottoms of his feet, keeping him glued to his spot underneath the living room archway.  
  
Zayn was the one to take the plunge and step forward to open the front door.   
  
James stood clutching onto a ratty blue duffel out in the hallway. Saying he looked 'lost' was an understatement. James didn't seem to match up with anything surrounding him, from smartly dressed Holly holding his hand to the ultra modern decor of their building. For Zayn, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as he slid aside to let James and Holly enter. He felt like that one simple step over their threshold held the same significance as the moon landing.  
  
Even though Holly and Liam were speaking, Zayn couldn't keep his eyes off of James. He was struggling to unbutton the black peacoat he and Liam bought him after their first visit. The sleeves of the garment were too long and his little fingers barely peeped out far enough to touch the buttons along the front.  
  
"C'mere, James." Zayn called as he knelt down. He gingerly began to reach for the backpack James carried, but retracted when James' hands flew defensively to the straps. "Need you to set your pack down so I can get your coat off, mate." He reasoned gently, hands kept at his sides.  
  
James slipped the bag from his shoulders before reluctantly stepping up so Zayn could properly reach him. He stood still as quick work was made of unfastening and unzipping his coat. The moment he was freed from the garment, he stooped down to re-claim his backpack. James refused to let his hold on the bag loosen, even after his coat was put away and Zayn had untied and removed his trainers.

"I won't be able to stay long," Holly explained as James moved to stand at her side. "I thought I'd just see the little one off before I had to be out of the city by 9." She smiled as her charge tried to reach for her hand as he took in his new surroundings. 

Liam moved to grab James' suitcase, but stopped when the little figure rocketed forward and grasped the bag. James looked up apologetically as he possessively gripped the handle of his little suitcase. Liam only nodded understandingly at him. "You want to carry your own things?" He affirmed. James gave a short nod as his dark brows furrowed together. Liam didn't feel too put off by the behavior, though it hurt him some to witness it first hand. He and Zayn were advised in their fostering classes that new children often clung to their few possessions when moving from home to home. They served as the only few elements of stability and identity that they knew.

"Is it alright to leave them in here while we show you around?" Liam asked kindly. James nodded slowly before he slipped his backpack from his shoulders and set it neatly beside his larger bag. The boy hesitantly left the items, giving them a final look over his shoulder before he crossed back over to stand by Holly.

"We'll give the tour and you can be on your way then." Liam nodded at Holly before he turned and led everyone out of their small entry area.

"Here's the kitchen. Snacks are in the long cupboard behind you and the fridge is almost always stocked. We keep fruit on the counter, so you're always welcome to get whatever you want. Just be sure to ask, first." Liam explained as James stood hesitantly in the doorway of the dining nook area. He held onto Holly's hand, refusing to take a step into the actual kitchen.

Zayn watched from behind as their new foster child looked around cautiously. He noticed that James looked like he hadn't taken a bath recently. His clothes were the same outfit he had worn on their second meeting. Zayn was internally thankful they had thought to pick up a few more simple outfits for him before his arrival. If those few bits they had given him initially were truly all he had, they would have to take him for a real shopping trip soon.

Zayn was broken from his thoughts as Liam stepped forwards and ushered the small group down the hallway. "Zayn and I sleep at the end. This room's the office. This second door is your bathroom, James." He opened a door to reveal a simple sink, toilet, bath/shower set up.

Zayn noticed how James only gave the briefest glance into the tiny bathroom, choosing mostly to look at the floor or straight ahead at Liam's legs. He frowned as he watched the child follow meekly behind the adults. Zayn had thought that they had made some progress in the first meetings, but now it became apparent in this new environment that their work was only beginning.

"And this..." Liam paused as he stopped at the last door in the hallway before their bedroom. "This is your room." He slipped the door open to reveal a twin bed with a white and green duvet, green walls, a black and white toy box, and a little black and white desk in the corner. "We haven't done much with it, yet. We could decorate it later however you like." Liam explained as Holly nudged James to step forwards into the little bedroom.

The boy's eyes were wide as he took everything in. He looked scared to actually stand in the room, like he was afraid of dirtying it just by being there. "Do you like it, James? They made it so nice for you, didn't they?" Holly prompted with a grin and nod.

James nodded his little head as he chanced a glance at Zayn and Liam, looking like he earnestly meant it. He looked around the room once more before he stepped back out into the hallway.

"Well, I suppose I'd better be off." Holly spoke up as she began to dig in her purse. She handed a thick packet to Liam. ' **JAMES I. MASOUD** ' was printed across the top in all capitals. "Some additional information is included in there, most of which you already know. My personal number is posted just at the top, in case you have any questions or concerns when I'm not in my office. You're free to call at any hour, so never feel the need to hesitate." She smiled before bending down and saying a soft goodbye to James. She gave the boy an affectionate pat on the cheek before she stood and walked with Liam to the front door.

"Thank you for dropping him off personally, Holly. We appreciate all you've done for us." Liam spoke as he stood in the threshold of the flat's front door. "Drive safely." He smiled.

"Absolutely, Liam. Either another agency worker or myself will be by in a week's time to perform a routine check-in. We'll be notifying you by Wednesday with the time."  She explained before giving a final wave and walking down the hallway to the lift.

Liam closed the door softly behind her, fixing the latch before he turned and stepped back into the living room. He smiled as he saw James hefting his backpack and little blue suitcase he had arrived with. He followed slowly behind Zayn who led him back down the hallway towards his room. "We'll get you unpacked in a bit, mate." Liam heard his husband speak quietly as the boy followed him.

Liam followed behind the pair, stopping in the bedroom's doorway to watch as Zayn slipped the suitcase into the bottom of James' wardrobe. "Are you hungry?" Liam asked softly.

Despite his gentle tone, James hadn't noticed anyone standing behind him and jumped slightly before he spun around. He gave a shrug in response, looking up at Liam as if he wanted to be told if he was really hungry or not.

"Have you had dinner?" Zayn asked from where he was squatted down in front of the wardrobe.

James shook his head, his dark hazel eyes remaining stuck on some point on the floor.

"We'll make you something. How's pasta sound?" Liam asked with raised eyebrows, trying to make the option of their leftovers from earlier sound as appetizing as possible. They had originally planned for James to eat with them, but Holly had brought him later than they had initially expected.

The little boy nodded his head, showing no sign of hesitation or displeasure with the given option. Both men felt relieved, as they had been worrying over the past few weeks about how skinny James was. The caretaker from the group home had told them the difficulties she had with getting him to eat regularly. Holly had explained that he hadn't been fed properly in his several of his previous placements and his eating habits had suffered. Liam and Zayn knew they would definitely have to put some weight on him over the next few months. James was almost a full stone under the average weight for a five year old. He easily stood around 7 or 8 centimetres shorter, as well.

Liam held his hand out for James to take, pausing a moment to see if the boy would respond. James looked up at the adult towering over him, then back to the limb offered. He bit down on his lip worriedly, clearly not sure of the situation at all.

"Come on, then." Liam smiled before he dropped his hand back to his side and headed off towards the kitchen, Zayn and James following behind him. Zayn nearly bumped into the small boy as they reached the entryway for the kitchen. James stood hesitantly perched outside, looking into the room with apprehension.

Zayn placed a light hand on the area where the boy's neck and shoulders met. "Go on, James. You're allowed." He encouraged as he tried to not notice the way the child lightly flinched at the contact. Zayn gestured towards the table as James entered with him. "Take a seat right there. Juice alright to drink?" He asked over his shoulder.

James gave a tiny nod as he stood awkwardly by one of the chairs. He watched from a safe distance as both adults moved about in the food preparation area of the kitchen. Liam was heating a bowl in the microwave while Zayn was filling a small green glass with what looked to be apple juice. James worriedly played with his hands as he watched the two men prepare his dinner. He didn't know what to do with himself. He wasn't sure where he was supposed to be and what was and wasn't okay. It was only a matter of time until he messed something up and they stopped being so nice to him.

Liam came back over to the table with the bowl of pasta and the cup of juice. He set both down on the place mat of the chair James was standing by. "Here, go on and sit." The man spoke softly as he pulled out the large piece of furniture. James stiffly climbed onto the chair, having to curl his legs beneath him so he could lean over his food all the way. Liam stood back and tried not to watch the lad too closely.

Gently, Liam pushed James' chair so it was a touch closer to the table. He was brought from his thoughts as Zayn pushed a warm mug of tea into his hand. Liam looked up as his husband took a seat at their table with his own bowl of pasta. His confusion lasted only for a moment, until he realized what Zayn was doing. He didn't want for James to eat alone. The thought warmed Liam's heart slightly. He quietly took his own chair and began to sip at his tea. They ate in relative silence, only looking up when they realized just how quickly the boy across from them was eating his food. Much to Liam and Zayn's relief, James ate with quite the appetite. They had been worried the boy would be picky or only eat in small quantities after what they had witnessed in the second meeting, but their fears seemed wasted as they watched him shovel the food in with his fork. On the contrary, it looked like James' only problem was that he hadn't been fed regularly. Liam painfully noticed that he ate as if he weren't sure when his next meal would come.

Once James had finished, Liam stood and took everyone's dishes to the sink. Zayn had split a couple of biscuits with him as they waited. James ate those eagerly, too. Liam noticed quite happily when he returned that the child was rubbing his stomach contently, a sleepy haze crossing his features.

Zayn stood and offered his hand carefully to James. "Let's get you ready for bed, yeah?" He prompted.

James, with much hesitation, took the offered hand and allowed himself to be helped down from the chair before quickly letting go. He followed behind the tall figure as he was led down the hallway and towards the little bathroom he had been shown earlier. James froze at the entrance as Zayn stepped inside. The man strode over to the tub and began to fiddle with the taps. James watched curiously as the water began to run. Zayn glanced over his shoulder after a few moments, noticing how James hadn't moved.

"Alright, James?" He asked softly as he turned around. Liam had come down the hallway now, standing behind their foster son and casting a confused stare at Zayn over the child's head.

Liam watched as the boy stood in the doorway, looking like he wasn't quite sure of his surroundings. "Go on, sweetheart." He encouraged quietly as he placed a hand on James' shoulder. Both men noticed how he tensed momentarily at the contact. James bit his lip before stepping cautiously in to the bathroom. He stood awkwardly in the centre of the room, looking back and forth from Liam to Zayn.

Zayn watched him for a moment, noticing how James acted so unsure of the new situation. "Just a quick bath and then you can watch a bit of telly with us before you go to sleep. Won't take but a second." He assured him. James did not move from his spot in the centre of the floor. He made no motions to undress himself as Zayn stopped the flowing water.  

"You want us to leave so you can have some privacy?" Liam tried from the doorway.

James cast a glance over his shoulder at the other man before nodding slowly, as if it should have been obvious he wouldn't want them there. A slight blush crept across his cheeks.

Zayn smiled, the realization finally coming to him. "Oh, sure thing, mate." He spoke while trying to hide his own amusement. He stood back to his full height, hoping internally that he hadn't been too embarrassing. After setting out a towel for James and explaining that they would bring pyjamas for him to put on, Zayn and Liam slowly slipped out of the bathroom. They left the door cracked, Liam  catching a final glimpse of James slipping his arms from the sleeves of his jumper before they both walked away.

Liam and Zayn shared a look of worry as they crossed over into their tiny office room. "It's just going to take him some time." Zayn reasoned as he stretched out on the fluffy carpet. He draped an arm lazily over his eyes, his foot finding one of Loki's toys on the floor. He played with it absentmindedly as Liam stretched back in the office chair.

"You saw the way he flinches, though." Liam rubbed a hand over his face. "I mean, it's understandable that he's scared, given the circumstances. Maybe I was a bit naive, but I just thought the meetings would have helped him trust us more." He continued.

Zayn continued to use his toes to manipulate the little squeaky mouse toy as he pondered Liam's words. "Yeah, but in light of everything, I think that's pretty normal, right? S'got to be some sort of miracle he hasn't started crying yet."

"We need to fetch some clothes for him." Liam spoke after a few minutes of easy silence passed between them. "Gotta be nearly finished by now." He reasoned before standing and crossing out of the office. Liam made his way down to James' bedroom. He opened the little wardrobe and pulled out the blue suitcase. He opened the lid to find several dirty looking shirts covered in holes. Underneath the old clothes he found some of the new items he and Zayn bought. Liam dumped the contents of the suitcase out onto the floor before returning the empty bag back to the bottom of the wardrobe. He tossed the small pile of old clothes into James' trash bin under his desk. He then opened one of the drawers inside the boy's wardrobe to pull out some of the pyjamas they purchased ahead of time for him. He silently thanked the heavens that they thought to buy a few extra items of clothing before his arrival. Liam pulled out a black t-shirt with Marvel characters and a pair of grey joggers before finding some clean boxers in the top drawer. He stood with the folded clothing under his arm, grabbing the liner from the now full trash bin before exiting the little bedroom. He went back to the office and handed the bin bag to a confused Zayn.

"We're really working from scratch with this one." Liam explained. "All of the clothes he brought with him are filthy. Like, beyond salvation."

"Well, he can wear the few little bits we bought, right?" Zayn scratched at his neck as he took the bag. "We'll get him more things when we get his new uniform. Go check on him while I throw these away."

Liam nodded before turning to cross over to the bathroom door. Zayn exited behind him, throwing the bin bag over his shoulder as he went to take it to the rubbish slot in their building's hallway. Liam now hesitantly pressed his ear to the bathroom door, frowning when he heard the light sound of sniffling. He turned the handle and peeped his head in cautiously. James was standing in the tub, looking down at the water with tears in his eyes. "James, love, you alright?" Liam asked quietly.

The boy let out a sharp cry as he was startled. Liam winced, instantly feeling horrible about scaring him. He stepped into the room as James quickly wrapped his arms around himself, pressing all the way against the back wall of the bath. He desperately tried to hide his body from view.

"Get out!" James screamed at a very bewildered Liam. "I'm not done!" The boy's chest huffed up and down as he stared at the intruder standing across from him. His little face was red in a mixture of anger and fear. Liam could only gape.

"The hell's all the screaming for?" Zayn asked as he appeared in the doorway behind Liam. He stepped inside once he noticed the obvious look of alarm on James' face.

"Think I startled him." Liam softly offered as James continued to try and cover his body.

"Please get out." He begged once more, his voice gone strangely soft.

"James..." Zayn started, his tone gentle. "We're all lads, yeah? There's nothing to be ashamed of." He tried to console. It was only when Zayn really looked that he noticed how James made no effort to cover his crotch. He seemed only preoccupied with covering his torso from their view, and his skinny limbs were doing a poor job at the task. Now that Zayn had pushed in front of Liam and stood directly before the tub, he could clearly see what James was trying to hide.

His skin was mottled all over with faded scars. The majority of the marks looked to be old, but Zayn could see some bruising around his ribs and collar bone that must have been from the incidents in the group home.  
  
"Mate, I'm sorry. I hadn't meant to scare you." Liam offered quietly from near the door. "I only wanted to bring some clothes."

James sniffed, peering around Zayn to see the little pile of folded clothing Liam set on the counter. He acted defeated as he allowed his skinny arms to drop to his sides. A series of three angry burn marks covered his abdomen. They were clearly old, but looked as if they hadn't been treated soon enough and failed to heal entirely. Liam bit down on his lip as he noticed what looked like a large cluster of cigarette burns on the boy's thighs.

Zayn fought to keep his expression soft and unaffected, even though countless red flags were going off in the back of his mind. He noticed instead how James' face was still dirty and his hair still dry and unwashed. He obviously didn't make much progress in bathing himself. "Here, how about you let me help?" Zayn offered as he picked up the flannel from the tub.

James watched warily as Zayn began to build up a small lather of soap. Very slowly, he stepped away from the back wall, reluctantly giving himself over to the assistance.

"You can stay standing if you want. I'll start with your legs and work up. Is that okay?" Zayn looked his foster son in the eyes, waiting for some form of approval. James gave a small nod as he took another tentative step toward him. "Hold onto my shoulder and lift up your foot." Zayn instructed quietly as he gently began to scrub the boy's feet and ankles.

Liam watched as James gripped onto Zayn's t-shirt, allowing him to scrub his way up toward his legs. He felt a slight sting in his throat as he noticed the way the boy's limbs trembled. He tried to ignore how shaken up he was from hearing his foster son's first real spoken words as terror filled screams. He tried even more to ignore how he felt about those screams being directed at him.

"Could you go get one of the plastic cups from the kitchen, Li?" Zayn asked over his shoulder. "You know the taller ones..."

Zayn saw from the corner of his eye how the younger man nodded before turning out of the small bathroom. He turned back to continue scrubbing at James' knees and thighs.

James couldn't deny the feeling of relief he had when he noticed how gentle Zayn was being. He remembered when his last foster mum scrubbed him red and raw when he first came to her house. She called him filthy as she forcibly stripped him down and plunged him into a tub of hot soapy water. She looked at his scars and healing wounds from the previous house with a mixture of fear and disgust. She completely ignored when he cried about how much the soap hurt his body. James was happy that he didn't have any new cuts or burns to sting from touching the soap. He was also happy that Zayn hadn't looked at him meanly when he saw him naked. He hadn't been rough or forceful when he started to bathe him, either. Zayn was only soft spoken and careful. James felt slightly mesmerized as Zayn continued to speak quietly to him, his voice low and soothing as he repeatedly assured that it was okay. The new quiet in the bathroom was only partially disturbed when Liam re-entered. He watched for a moment as Zayn continued to carefully scrub at James' knees and thighs.

"Everything alright?" Liam asked softly, setting the cup on the edge of the tub. He noticed how James still had tears streaming down his cheeks.

Zayn glanced over his shoulder. "Yeah, fine. Lad just needed a hand is all." He kept his voice casual as he prompted James to turn around. He knew Liam had to be freaking out like he was, but felt so thankful at that moment that they could keep it bottled while James was present.

However even Zayn couldn't help but wince when he noticed the bruise stretching across the James' bum. It looked as if he fell directly onto some hard concrete. Zayn wondered how the boy was even able to sit comfortably. "Almost done, James." He murmured as he scrubbed at the bony shoulders and arms. Once finished in covering James' body in suds, Zayn reached for the plastic cup Liam had brought. He was glad he had remembered how his mum used to give him and his sisters baths when they were little. He initially felt pretty sure that a five year-old wouldn't need much help bathing, so he hadn't really prepared himself for this moment. He made quick work of rinsing James off before tackling his dirty hair. Zayn had him kneel so he could wash and rinse the dark locks without sending water everywhere.

Liam watched from behind as Zayn finished bathing James off. The boy looked less shook up as the tub finally began to drain, signalling the bath was over. Zayn offered his hand to the trembling child, helping him step out and on to the mat. He wrapped James in a towel and took a seat on the closed toilet before carefully helping him dry off. Zayn was sure to let James do most of the task, only really stepping in to help dry his thick hair.  

Liam passed the tiny pair of boxers over so Zayn could help James slip into them. "Let Liam get you dressed and then we can all watch a film out on the sofa, yeah?" Zayn asked as he placed a hand on James' shoulder. After receiving a nod, he stood and began to head for the hallway. Liam turned James' attention to him, taking a seat on the now unoccupied toilet lid.

James stood in surprise as Liam very gently helped him slip into the fresh clothes. He was sure that Liam would be upset for how he yelled earlier. You weren't supposed to yell at grown ups ever, James was sure of that. Yet Liam was completely calm as he tied the drawstrings of the sweatpants that were too loose on James' skinny hips.  Carefully, he slipped the black t shirt over the boy's head, assisting him in slipping his arms through the right holes.

"C'mon, you can sit out on the sofa with us." Liam held his hand out again, only to be ignored as a sleepy looking James chose to follow behind him instead.

Zayn apparently popped in _Captain America_ while they were in the bathroom, because the title screen was looping loudly on the TV. James stood frozen under the archway, the blue light from the screen dancing across his face as he gazed with a partial slack jaw.   
  
Liam honestly couldn't think of many movies that were geared toward a five year-old boy quite like _Captain_ _America_. He and Zayn were relieved to find out their foster son had at the very least some interest in superheroes, it made entertainment choices much easier for everyone. A light nudge from Liam prompted James to clamber on to one of their two sofas. Zayn stepped in from the kitchen and took a seat beside the boy, pretending not to notice how James scooted to create more distance between them. Liam took the adjacent loveseat, happy to have space to himself to stretch out

About thirty minutes in to the movie, Zayn had been repeatedly glancing over at James through the corner of his eye. He was fighting sleep with every ounce of strength he possessed and was definitely losing. The sight of James struggling with half-lidded eyes to keep his head upright was pitifully adorable. It was only when Zayn started to pay attention to the film again that he felt a little weight fall against his arm. He looked down and saw James slumped over nearly into his lap. Zayn glanced over to Liam on the other sofa and got him to meet his eyes. He followed Zayn's gestures toward James, who was now completely asleep.  
  
Liam frowned. "Is he really-?"

"Out like a light." Zayn confirmed with a whisper.

Liam looked unswayed as he took in the way the boy was situated. "Should we just leave him like that?"

Zayn shrugged. "It's not like he has school tomorrow. He'll be fine for another hour." He reasoned softly.

"You might want to move him a bit to the left so his neck's not at that angle." Liam nodded to how James was bent against his husband's arm.

Zayn carefully shifted so he was leaning more against the arm of the sofa, causing James' little body to ease lightly across his lap. He didn't stir despite the slight shuffle, and remained peaceful throughout the rest of the movie. Zayn could not help but muse how James would not willingly be this close to him if he were fully aware and awake. He ran a hand lightly through the damp hair, noting how it wasn't quite as dark as his own. James' hair was more of a dark brown than a true black. His skin was not quite as tan as Zayn's either, though there was an undeniable olive tone to his complexion. Their eyes were undeniably similar. James' rich hazel irises had a slight green undertone to them, and were covered by long and thick lashes. Liam had been right in saying the child resembled Zayn in that aspect.

Once the film ended, Liam stood and stretched his back. He grabbed the remote and shut off the television before turning to Zayn on the larger sofa. "Need to put him in bed." He whispered before kneeling down in front of the pair.

Zayn brushed his fingers through James' hair once more. "You want to get him? I'm afraid if I try he'll wake up." He replied, an unsure look on his face.

Liam shrugged, sitting back on his haunches as he regarded James sleeping. "I doubt I'll do much better, but I can give it a go." He offered before straightening back up. Gingerly, he slipped an arm beneath the resting boy's head and beneath his knees, easily lifting him off of Zayn. "Doesn't even weigh a full 3 stone, I bet." He hummed as he adjusted the slight weight in his arms.

"Careful with him, Li." Zayn hissed as James faintly stirred.

Liam nodded, pausing for a moment so James could fall back under into his deep sleep. "He's fine," he quietly assured before turning and heading off down the hallway. Liam cradled the little body all the way into the bedroom. He crossed the short distance to the bed and waited until Zayn quietly padded in and pulled the duvet and sheets down. Liam  was painstakingly gentle as he deposited James onto the mattress, making sure his head rested perfectly in the middle of the pillow.

"Not bad for me first go around, eh?" He quipped, obviously pleased to see his foster son's sleep go undisturbed.

Zayn could see Liam's grin flashing up at him despite the darkness. He hummed a wordless agreement as he grabbed for the stuffed monkey sitting alone on the little nightstand. It was a duplicate of the one they originally gave to James, just minus the Manchester United footie uniform. Discreetly as possible, Zayn rested the monkey down on the pillow before pulling the covers up to James' chest.  
  
"You softie." Liam whispered through a suppressed snicker.

It was the sort of teasing that Zayn felt he could easily endure. He didn't at all mind the ribbing smile Liam was shooting into the back of his head. The little lump laying across the center of the mattress was worth destroying any last shred of coolness or youth he had left.  
  
"The stuffy was your bloody idea in th'first place." Zayn reminded as they cleared out of James' bedroom. It earned him a firm shoulder bump that nearly caused him to crash into the door frame of their bedroom. Sleepy and faintly giggling, he allowed his hand to brush against Liam's as they fumbled into bed. They were both too tired to undress properly or even wash up.  
  
Considering just how tired they both were, Liam was surprised when Zayn's face found its way into the crook of his neck. After being together for so long, they didn't normally prioritize cuddling over the need for sleep anymore.  
  
"I just want him t'be happy, y'know." Zayn breathed. "I've never met a lad so serious before."

Liam kissed the black hair poking against his chin. "He seems to trust you enough."

"That was just a touch of bad luck you had. Could have easily been me that startled him." Zayn argued.

Liam shrugged as he carded his hand through Zayn's messy hair. A sigh escaped from Zayn as he relaxed into the touch, tilting his head forward to expose more area for the massaging fingers. "Well, he's proper terrified of me either way. S'a good thing he didn't wake up when I was carrying him." Liam mused.

Zayn huffed against his husband's neck. "He's just as wary of me. You've seen the way he stares."

"That's curiosity. It's probably been a while since he's been around someone who looks like he does." Liam mused while scratching lightly at Zayn's scalp.

Quiet, half-hearted laughter from Zayn floated up above their heads. "I doubt they looked an awful lot like me." He smoothed a hand absentmindedly across the smokey ink covering his forearm. "When did Holly say we were going to have a check-in?"  
  
Liam's chest suddenly expanded as a yawn stretched through him. "In a week." He curiously looked down at the top of Zayn's head. "Why? S"there something you want to ask her?"

Zayn shook his head. "I just can't stop thinking about the cigarette burns on his legs. Like, what if he's already smelled smoke on me?" His tone grew grim as he wondered the last bit.

Liam carefully shifted so they could both be flat and no longer propped against the headboard. "I've always said you should've quite ages ago." His scolding was only half-hearted as his lips brushed Zayn's crown. "It was strange in the bath, though. The way he didn't want us to see his body, I felt shit just for putting him through it."

"But we're the ones looking after him now, yeah? We had to see eventually." Zayn reasoned. "B'sides, looked like he didn't quite know what he was doing. He's only been properly clean one out of the three times we've met with him."

Liam nodded before letting his nose rest deep in the dark hairs tickling beneath his chin. "Dianne told me the number of kids living in the group home. I imagine it was easier for whoever looked after him to just do everything for him, rather than help him learn."

"I can imagine why. He's such a passive little thing." Zayn argued. "He won't say yes or no when you ask what he wants, he just looks for you to tell him."

Liam squirmed as a warm mouth pressed faintly to his collar bone. "He'll learn."

Zayn pulled back to show an unsettled sort of face. "It would feel so much better if I knew I was doing something that made him feel less scared."

Their words died down after that final sentiment. Liam allowed Zayn to sleep buried into his side that night. He envied how Zayn could go silent and shut off his mind to sleep so easily. He envied even more that Zayn would stay asleep well into the following morning. Liam always battled to drift off at night. When they first started touring, he would watch all of the other lads sleep instead of going to bed himself. Then he would often be the first one to rise, going out for a jog before the band had to start their busy day. It was a routine Liam still followed despite his wishes. He finally managed to drift off to sleep as he thought about how Zayn didn't even stir anymore when he would roll out of bed at the crack of dawn.


	5. Chapter 5

James could remember quite clearly the first couple of times he had to leave a foster home. Even though he hadn't particularly liked where he was at, both moves were terrible. The grown ups at the home would tell him to go to bed, and then he would wake up a few hours later in the back of a car driving off to a new place. Each time James was very scared when he woke up. The person driving was always a stranger with a name tag he couldn't read. The second instance he was moved that way had been the last, mostly because he became so upset that he bit one of the agency workers on the arm. Holly made them stop after that and James was never moved in the middle of the night ever again. Holly was often nice in that way, though James didn't like how she never told him what was truly going to happen. He used to try and ask her questions about a new family or how long he would have to stay somewhere, but she would always give an answer that didn't really tell him much. He learned to stop asking after a while and to just accept that no one was going to tell him anything. 

Moving from a house to another house wasn't always so scary, though James still didn't like it very much. Moving from a house to the group home had been really horrible. There were too many kids and not enough grown ups. James was the youngest kid there, too. He was terrified of all the older boys, but after a while he learned he could sometimes blend in with everyone else and he might go unnoticed for a stretch. He never understood why he seemed to move around so much, but he had learned not to ask questions. After a few months of straight moving James grew to believe it was because he was absolute rubbish at fitting in wherever he was placed. Something must have been his fault.

Immediately upon waking, James couldn't grasp where exactly he was. The bed underneath him was soft. The sheets wrapped around his body were clean and felt smooth against his skin. The combination of new smells and textures was startling. Try as he might, he could not place where he was or how he may have gotten there.  Familiar feelings of unease came flooding back to him. His pyjama-clad legs kicked against the unfamiliar duvet wrapped around them, fighting for freedom. He began to roll in attempts to escape the cocoon he was trapped in, but ended up sending himself off the edge of the bed. James landed on the floor with a thump. The fall was jarring, a loud crash informing him that he took the lamp from his nightstand down as well. All he could do was let out a confused whine as he lay on the rug, arm and hip throbbing.

His tumble had made quite a bit of noise, the lamp he knocked over caused a crash that was surely loud enough for others to hear. James couldn't help but suck in a sharp breath as he looked at the toppled over piece of furniture, knowing he would be in trouble with someone for that. His panic grew as he looked around the bedroom. Sniffling, he untangled his limbs from the green and white duvet he was covered in. James' eyes fell on a brown stuffed monkey dressed in a Manchester United uniform, and suddenly everything dawned on him. _Zayn and Liam. New home. New rules. Broken lamp. Alone with two strangers. Alone._

The group home had been horrible, but at least there was the advantage of not being the only kid. James had never been in a house all alone before. True, there was less risk of being beaten up here, but now he would have to take all the blame if something went wrong and something just went wrong. He let out a nervous yelp as the sound of feet could be heard approaching from a distance. James felt a stab of dread in his stomach as he looked with bleary eyes to see his door opening. A familiar face peeked in.

"You okay?" Liam's hushed voice called, surprised to see James sitting on the floor. It took no time at all for Liam to gather the gist of what had happened. Loud crash, empty bed, and an upset child on the floor did not make for a hard equation. After a few moments of standing in the doorway he began to wonder if James was truly awake. Liam watched as he sat on the ground, seemingly still half asleep judging by his droopy eyelids. Realizing they weren't going to get anywhere like this, he decided to quietly slip into the bedroom. Liam stood a few feet away from where James sat, wary of coming too close. "Fall out of the bed?" He asked while crouching down.

James sniffed before nodding at Liam, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. A tiny hand wiped away at what was threatening to trail down his cheeks. He clearly wasn't awake, Liam decided. James kept looking around the room before his eyes would rest again on Liam. His expression was glassy, looking like he might still be dreaming.

Liam approached slowly, staying crouched so he was constantly on James' level. He reached a tentative hand out, trying his hardest not to startle the boy. Much to his relief, James seemed too out of it to remember at the moment that he didn't trust him. "You're okay. It was just a tumble." Liam assured as he placed a hand on James' knobby knee. Any sense of confidence Liam might have had was starting to waver as James continued to stare up at him, clearly on the brink of sobbing.

"C'mere, let's get you back up on the bed." Liam held his hands outwards, offering for James to come to him first. He was rewarded by the boy actually leaning forwards into his reach, giving permission to be picked up. Liam hefted James' body off the floor, easily setting him back onto the mattress. "Go ahead and lie back. I'll fix your sheets."

James nodded, his eyelids fighting to maintain their half-lidded state as the duvet was placed over him once more. He wiped at his face before glancing over at the discarded lamp. He let out a nervous gasp when Liam turned to follow his gaze.

"Oh, don't worry about that, love. Doesn't look broken." He soothed while stooping down to place the fixture back on the nightstand. A quick inspection affirmed that the light bulb inside hadn't shattered. "See? No harm done." Liam smiled before taking a seat on the edge of James' bed. He waited to see if there was any problem with their proximity, but James seemed too tired to notice. "Listen, it's still pretty early." Liam started to explain. "I'm going out for a quick run, but I'll be back soon. It looks like you could still use a bit more sleep, yeah?"

James only curled into his pillow, clutching at the monkey Liam had placed next to him. He paid little attention to the figure sitting nearby.

"Right, so just sleep for a touch longer. Zayn's across the hall if you need anything. He'll listen out for you." Liam had lifted a hand to smooth down James' mussed hair, but stopped himself. The urge had been purely instinctual, but he realized that the action might not be comforting for James, even in his sleep-addled state. Instead Liam chose to lift the duvet higher above the boy's shoulder, making sure he was protected against the slight chill that could creep into their flat on early January mornings. Liam stood from the bed and quietly exited the room, being sure to leave the door cracked behind him.

He couldn't help but feel relieved the brief encounter had gone well. Liam still felt nervous around James, which was funny because it was more than apparent that the boy felt terrified around him and Zayn. Admittedly, it had been Liam's first instinct to run and get Zayn when he peeked his head in the door to see James had fallen from his bed. Even after one night he felt like Zayn was miles better at parenting than him. He possessed this natural ability to nurture that made him excel at putting people at ease. Liam was a protector and would say that he was excellent at fixing things, but he often lacked Zayn's gift for empathy.

Liam delicately crept back into his and Zayn's bedroom. He thought his husband would remain asleep on their bed, but was surprised when Zayn rolled over to face him. "Little man okay?" Zayn slurred as he watched Liam lace up his trainers.

Liam nodded as he double-knotted his shoes. "Looked like he fell from his bed. Might have had a bad dream or something, seemed a little upset."

"Did he cry?" Zayn raised his head, looking as if he was about to sit up and check on the boy himself.

"No. No, he was fine." Liam assured, lifting a hand to wave Zayn to stay. "Went back to sleep easily enough." He explained as he stood from the little bench set at the foot of their bed. Liam took a moment to pat his pockets and make sure he had his phone and keys before looking over. "You going to rest here for a bit more?" He didn't even know why he asked when he already knew the answer.

Zayn nodded before rolling back towards the centre. "I'll listen out for him. Just don't be gone for long." He mumbled.

"Never am." Liam grinned.  He shrugged on a hoodie before making the umpteenth check to confirm he had grabbed his phone and his set of keys. Zayn raised hell whenever Liam accidentally grabbed his set of keys by mistake, so he tried to avoid the conflict. Finally satisfied, he slipped quietly out of the bedroom and made his way out of the flat.  
  
______________________________________________________________________________

Zayn was out of the shower just as Liam returned from his run. Moisture still clung to his skin while his towel was left forgotten on the floor. He searched through their walk-in closet for lazy day clothes to wear, a pair of Liam's pants the only thing covering him at the moment. They planned on staying at home so James could settle in and get a feel for them and the apartment first. As much as they looked forward to bringing him around to meet friends and family, they couldn't stomach the idea of overwhelming James anymore than he already was. There would be time to introduce him to all of the new people and new places later.  
  
Zayn was momentarily startled when Liam's figure moved past in his peripheral vision. He hadn't heard him enter the flat. Liam was in the middle of pulling his sweaty workout shirt over his head. Zayn didn't know anyone else who could sweat so badly in the middle of winter. "I figured I would get him up and fed while you shower."

Liam turned, surprised to see that Zayn was up and showered off this early in the morning. "Sounds good. Although it'll probably be me who gets him up during the week, right?"

Zayn blinked. "What makes you say that?"

Liam fully faced him for a moment, giving a meaningful stare as if the answer were obvious. "His school starts at 8:30, love. That's a struggle even on your best days." He adored Zayn for wanting to try, honestly he did. He was sure that they would both be there for James' first day, but was highly doubtful Zayn would make a habit of rising at 7 in the morning, at least not without some serious conditioning. They were thrown into this life sooner than planned.

"Don't take the piss! I'm sure I could adjust." Zayn argued. "I've come a long way since the old days."

Liam shimmied out of his track pants, amused smirk never fading from his lips. "If you want to give it a go then by all means! I'll be sure to rouse you when 7 o'clock rolls around." He turned and began to slip inside the moist shower Zayn left for him, but stopped when a hand gripped his arm.

"So we'll bring up his new school tonight, yeah?" Zayn's voice was hushed, he eyes appearing big and earnest.

Liam tried not to dread that impending conversation, but he and Zayn were prepared for a possible bad reaction from James at the news of starting a new school. Switching schools in the middle of the year was rough for even a well-adjusted child, for foster kids it just seemed like another unnecessary adjustment they were forced to make. Liam and Zayn originally fought so that any prospective child placed with them could stay at their current school. They swore they didn't mind driving to another borough if it meant their child could keep that one facet of life stable and unchanged. Holly was quick to inform them that it just didn't work that way. James was in a state school where he didn't receive the individual attention he deserved. His frequent moves in the last few months alone made him wrack up an astounding number of absences and he was in danger of having to repeat Reception. Ultimately, sending him to a private school became their best and only option.  Zayn found a nearby primary that looked promising enough. It was not too posh, had small class sizes, and boasted a large staff.  James was meant to start on Tuesday.

Liam finally nodded, adding a hum as a verbal affirmation when Zayn's eyes didn't break away from his. "I figured we would try after dinner." He agreed. It seemed to placate Zayn some, because he grinned before leaning up to sneak in a peck onto Liam's lips. He soon made a face as he pulled way. Some of the sweat from Liam's upper lip had gotten onto his clean face. 

"You're like a human swamp when you sweat, Li. 'S bloody awful, you know that?" Zayn complained as he backed off.

Now Liam wore a grin as he stepped into their shower. "I won't be long in here." He called through the glass door. "Set out a plate for me?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Zayn agreed as he pulled on a worn pair of jeans. Finally dressed, his bare feet padded across the hall to James' room. He peered in through the cracked door to see the boy curled on his side facing away. Zayn knocked lightly on the doorframe. "You awake, James?" He called before peeking his head in completely.

The little lump on the bed squirmed about before rolling over. James blinked several times as he pieced together his surroundings. He sat up once he noticed Zayn was what woke him. His thick hair stuck up in a few places, making him look terribly dishevelled. It raised the question if he had done more tossing and turning than actual sleeping.

"Want to help me whip up some breakfast?" Zayn offered.

James gave no direct reply, but only began to untangle himself from the duvet and clamber down from his bed. Zayn watched from the doorway as his bare little feet touched down on the rug. James stood on the floor for a moment, looking down at his pyjamas before glancing over at the wardrobe by his desk. He looked up at Zayn with unsure eyes, imploring for some form of instruction.

Zayn saw the confusion on the boy's face. He understood that James was looking for a piece of routine or direction to cling to. He and Liam hadn't really worked out a set schedule for mornings, they sort of planned on winging little details like that as they went along. "You can get dressed after you eat." Zayn prompted as he opened the bedroom door all the way. "Come on, help me put the tea on." He beckoned before making his way down the hall. The sound of tiny feet pattering behind him informed that James had decided to come along.

Once in the kitchen, Zayn set to rummaging through the large fruit bowl set on the counter. James stood back by the table, right next to the chair he sat in the night before. He watched as Zayn started to cut up oranges, bananas, and apples. James felt unsure of what exactly he was meant to be doing. It felt safe enough to stand by the chair he was allowed to sit in last night. That area had been pre approved. Zayn offered a smile to James before crossing to flip the switch on the electric kettle. "Let me show you what you can do, mate." He called over his shoulder.

James stood still for only a moment before he moved away from the table to stand by the island. It looked like he pre-calculated every move in his head for any possible risk. This was his first time in the part of the kitchen where the food was made, and he chose to keep a safe amount of distance between himself and his new foster parent. Everywhere James ever lived had different rules about who could go in the kitchen, and James was almost always told he wasn't allowed. He certainly never was asked to help in one before. It was only a matter of time before he messed things up and Zayn would never ask him to help again. 

Zayn nodded at James before sliding over a little blue stool. It was a spontaneous thing Liam picked out the other day when they were buying paint at the hardware store. He argued that James would feel more included if he got to help out with meal preparation and that it could help with his eating issues. Zayn was instantly sold on the idea. "Stand up on that so you can see what you're doing." He instructed lightly. 

James carefully stepped up onto the plastic stool. His expression changed to one of mild surprise when he could suddenly see over the tall countertops. Two mugs stood before him. He looked at Zayn with a healthy amount of self-reproach. James felt like they were only seconds away from Zayn realizing his mistake in asking for his help. He was bound to become frustrated and send him back to the table or maybe even to his room.

Zayn wasn't the least bit bothered by James' reluctance. "Put one tea bag and two sugars in each." He explained as he slipped some bread into the toaster. "Tea's in the white box. Sugar cubes are in the blue." He added once noticing that James only stared blankly at the supplies set before him. 

Together, the two managed to put together a decent breakfast. James made the two cups of tea, although Zayn helped pour the boiling water. Not accustomed to being in such a fancy kitchen, James took the opportunity to do what little snooping he could with just his eyes. He couldn't believe the glimpses of food he saw from the looks he managed to steal over Zayn's shoulder. He wondered how two people could have so much to eat. James never realized some people had so much while others had so little. He climbed down from the blue stool as Zayn finished transferring their breakfast. Three plates filled with toast and fruit were neatly placed on the table just as Liam entered the kitchen. James moved to stand by his chair, standing on his toes to inspect the plate Zayn made for him. He watched as both men took their seats, only feeling okay to take his own once they were fully settled.

Liam risked a sideways glance as he took a bite of his toast. James poked his food around on his plate, but never made a move to bring any of it toward his mouth. He was careful not to make eye contact with anyone, focusing instead on moving the little bits of fruit into separate piles, occasionally swinging his feet while Liam and Zayn ate.

"You should eat, Jai." Zayn urged. He didn't give much thought to the new nickname that spilled from his mouth. It was a completely organic action for Zayn to communicate that way, he couldn't think of one friend or family member he called solely by their given name.

James looked at his breakfast with a torn expression. He could feel Liam and Zayn's eyes constantly flicking over to watch him. A mix of frustration and worry bubbled up inside his belly. He wondered why he had to eat in front of them. Food worked so differently in each home. James could never tell when he would be fed or how many times a day. Somewhere at one of the homes he stayed at he started saving his food for later. James never did know when there wouldn't be food anymore, and he always worried about it, so he liked to make whatever he had last. How was he supposed to make himself eat so soon when he had the rest of the day to worry about? 

"You ate a good bit last night. Are you not hungry right now?" Liam asked between mouthfuls of his own food. He hated the worried expression James wore over something as simple as a meal. He and Zayn felt so relieved when they watched him enthusiastically eat the night before. Liam could easily understand a kid like James wanting to eat everything in sight, but this other behavior of avoiding food was something he couldn't at all wrap his head around.

James' feet swung idly before he finally raised his eyes to meet Liam's. He shook his head timidly in response to the question.

Zayn, who was nearly finished with his breakfast, quietly stood from the table. "It's okay if you don't want to eat right now. We won't force you." He explained while reaching over to take the plate set in front of James. Both adults in the room couldn't mask their own surprise when a small pair of hands darted out to grip the plate, protecting it from anyone's reach. Zayn took an immediate step back, drawing his hands down to his sides. "Okay, okay. Take your time." He pacified.

Liam finished off the last few orange wedges on his plate. He licked his fingers before holding his own dish out to Zayn. "You can still take mine if you'd like." He offered with a sly smile.

Zayn took the plate from Liam, casting another glance at James before he crossed over to the sink. Liam slowly stood from the table. He made note of James taking small nibbles out of the corner of his toast and counted it a marginal victory.

James sat at the table for fifteen more minutes after Liam and Zayn had finished. Once he was sure that both men were intently watching the morning news in the living room, he clambered down from his chair. James only managed to make himself eat one piece of toast and two chunks of banana. He secretly slipped the remaining piece of toast and apple slices into his pockets, casting a nervous glance over his shoulder to be sure no one was watching him. Satisfied with his now empty plate, James brushed his hands off on his shirt before hesitantly stepping away from the table. He stood awkwardly in the living room doorway.

"Finished?" Liam smiled as he rose from the loveseat. He noticed the crumbs covering the boy's top and had to fight the urge to brush them off. "Let's find something for you to wear, yeah?"

Liam walked with James down the hallway toward his bedroom. Opening up the wardrobe, he easily fished out a comfortable outfit for lounging around the house. Liam would have probably let James stay in his pyjamas all day if he hadn't smeared his messy breakfast hands all over his top. He hadn't been expecting perfect table manners from a five year-old, so he didn't feel the need to step in and say anything. If he were completely honest, he wouldn't care if James ate with his feet as long as he ate regularly enough to put some weight on. Gingerly, Liam tossed the fresh clothes onto the twin bed behind him. He nodded at James. "There's a basket for your dirty clothes in the hallway closet. It's the one right across from the toilet. I'll show you after you get dressed."

James stood in the middle of his room, staring expectantly at Liam.

"Do you want me to leave or do you want some help?"  
  
"Leave." James decided with a small nod.

Liam smiled knowingly before moving out into the hallway. He listened to the sounds of scurrying coming from the bedroom with curiosity. Liam wondered what could possibly have James so antsy, but he let a healthy minute pass before deciding to cross back in and check. James stood fully clothed in the fresh trackies and t-shirt he was given. Liam instantly observed how his hands were clasped behind his back. His entire body language seemed tense. James refused to meet eyes for even a second, choosing to stay fixated on one spot of flooring just ahead of his feet.

"Come on, get your old clothes and we'll put them in the laundry basket." Liam instructed as he waved off his initial feelings of confusion.

James' face took on a pained expression before he turned and got down on his knees next to his bed. He quietly dug out his discarded clothes from where he crammed them under the piece of furniture. Dejectedly, James turned to face Liam as if facing an executioner. His head remained bowed as he held the wad of clothing under his arm.

"It's okay, James." Liam laughed quietly. "I used to cram things all over my room, too. I'll show you the right way." He gestured for the clothes to be given to him. Liam couldn't fathom what had the boy so fearful, so he was mindful to keep his movements slow. James reluctantly handed the clothes over, following silently behind as Liam turned and made his way down the hall. It was just before they reached the linen closet that he noticed a sticky residue around one of the pockets of James' sweatpants. His hand was about to turn the door handle when he looked down into one of the pockets to find mushy bits of apple and a small corner of toast.

"What's all this?" He asked in the most neutral tone of voice he could muster. Sure, he hadn't stayed to watch James eat, but his table habits couldn't be this bad. Liam glanced at him over his shoulder, causing a little squeak to come from James. They locked eyes for a second before the boy took a large step back and pressed himself against the hallway wall.

"M'sorry." James offered immediately. The words left him so fast that they were almost indistinguishable. "Sorry, m'really sorry." he repeated.

Liam followed James' gaze as it flickered from the closet they stood in front of to the food covered piece of clothing in his hand. "It's okay. Everything's washable." He tried to soothe. "Were you trying to put food in your pockets?"

James quickly nodded, turning his head away like he expected to be struck. When the blow never came, he remained shrunk back against the wall, eyes flicking from Liam to the linen closet. _Closet. sweatpants. closet. sweatpants._

"I'm not mad, mate." Liam kept his voice quiet and even toned, but James didn't dare ease up off his spot against the wall. "I just want you to not do this next time, yeah?"  
  
James still wouldn't move.   
  
Liam sighed before giving the boy a gentle smile that he hoped proved there wasn't any reason to doubt him. "How about you put your shirt in the basket while I toss these into the wash?" Liam offered as he opened the closet door to reveal the little laundry hamper. He held the black t-shirt outward, but James remained frozen where he stood. Unsure of what he could do, Liam tossed the shirt into the basket himself. "Just give me a second and I'll be right back." He assured before slinking off towards the laundry cupboard located at the back of the kitchen.

James remained glued to the spot, unable to break his gaze from the closet door Liam left ajar. The dark little storage space barely a meter in front of him felt like it was reaching out to swallow him up. _Not inside, you're outside. Not inside, you're outside._ James repeated these words over and over in his head, trying to quell the uneasiness building up in his stomach. _Notinsidebutoutside. Notinsidebut-_

"Y'alright, babe?"

Zayn suddenly appeared at the mouth of the hallway. He stood watching as a set of bright eyes snapped around to look at him, trepidation evident.  
  
"What are you doing?" He wondered as he took a cautious step closer. "Something wrong?"  
  
Zayn noticed how James' eyes darted back and forth from him to the linen closet. He noticed how his chest rose and fell, the movement rapid and shaky. He took another small step, conscious of keeping a comfortable amount of distance between them. Zayn analyzed the pained expression on James' face and something in his head clicked as he looked over at the partially agape closet. Wordlessly, Zayn reached over and pushed the door softly shut. The click of the little latch falling into place seemed to break James out of his fixation, his shoulders went slack as he took in a quick gulp of air.  
  
Zayn knelt down, facing the little boy that still remained all the way against the wall. "Hey..." he tried to coax James' attention on to him. He slowly set his hand to rest atop one of his bare feet as a nonthreatening attempt at comfort.

James obediently faced Zayn, casting a quick glance down at the large hand resting where the top of his foot met his ankle. It felt so warm on his cold skin. He wasn't sure if it felt nice or not, so he focused on controlling the underlying urge to jerk away.

"Holly told us 'bout what happened at the group home." Zayn's voice was quiet as he spoke, he watched carefully for any hint of reaction in James' face. "I'd be wary of closets and cupboards too, mate." He continued, wishing fiercely that he could make those worried hazel eyes meet his own for even a moment. "But you're here now, yeah? That's not going to happen again."  
  
Zayn received no response from James, and he guessed that he truthfully didn't need one, because he could tell the boy was at least listening to what he was saying. Even if he might not believe any of it, listening was at least something. Zayn patted James' foot before completely removing his hand. Slowly, he stood back to his full height. "G'on and brush your teeth for me. I'll go find something fun for us to do." He gently guided the boy over to his bathroom, staying for a moment to make sure he found his toothbrush and used the right amount of toothpaste. Satisfied that James could handle the rest, Zayn left to go search out Liam.

"Li..." He called quietly while crossing through their kitchen.

Liam popped his head out from the closet that held their washer and dryer. He had shoved on a faded snapback that had been with them since Zayn lived by himself in a ritzy house in North London all those years ago. Zayn was pretty sure the cap used to be his, but he and Liam had be sharing clothes for so long that he couldn't be entirely sure anymore.

"Did something happen with James?" He asked.

Liam turned back to the open washer and pulled out the grey pair of sweatpants James wore earlier that morning. "He tried to cram his pocket full of fruit and toast. I think he got a bit scared when I noticed."

Zayn bit his lip. "Please say you didn't-"

"No. I told him I wasn't mad and came back here to start the washing." Liam's voice was hushed, despite the way he jumped to quell Zayn's initial suspicion. "I think he might have hidden some of his breakfast somewhere in his room."

"Christ..." Zayn breathed, rubbing a hand over the stubble surrounding his mouth. "Okay-right, so...we can't be cross with him, yeah? Because it's about food and he's probably worried we aren't going to feed him."

"Yeah, I never planned on being cross, but we can't let him hoard bits of apple and toast in his room, Zayn. It's not sanitary." Liam whispered back.

"I know, I know..." Zayn tugged at his hair while Liam tossed the sweatpants back into the washer. "I hate to go and take it out behind his back. That's his space. He's only trying to fend for himself."

Liam closed the metal lid softly, turning around to lean against the machine. "Can't very well leave it, though, can we? Half the rats in London will be here if we let him carry on like that." He noticed Zayn preparing a comeback and Liam quickly put a hand to his chest to stop him. "He's got to learn that we're the ones looking after him now."

Zayn's shoulders fell, suddenly looking exhausted and in need of another night's sleep. He chewed on his lower lip for a moment before nodding his consent, his mouth pressed tight as he pulled away from Liam. "Let's just leave it for today, alright? If he tries again, sure, we'll talk to him. But he's had enough of a fright."

Liam nodded. "I can sneak back there and clean up whatever he stashed away. I'll be quick so he won't see." He wanted so badly to show Zayn that he could fix everything, make it seem like they could all pretend nothing happened.

They both agreed to a makeshift plan before breaking away from the laundry closet. Liam hung back in the kitchen while Zayn went to go hunt for James. He made quiet steps down the hallway as he noticed the bathroom was dark and empty. Zayn reached the end of the hall and found James in his bedroom, sitting atop his unmade bed with the backpack they gave him. A colouring book was opened across his legs.

"You don't have to stay cooped up back here, Jai." Zayn called from the door.

James jumped, having not noticed the figure watching him.

"Sorry, should have knocked." Zayn offered, internally grimacing at startling the boy for what was easily the 15th time since his arrival. "Do you want to come sit with me out front? We can colour or watch telly or something."

James nodded at the offer, though Zayn wasn't sure if it was out of willingness or just sheer subservience. James paused after he climbed down from his bed, looking purposefully through the stack of colouring books in his bag. He turned and looked over his shoulder at Zayn thoughtfully. He seemed unsure for a moment as he dug his toe into the material of the rug.

"Um..." James bit down on his lip as he gathered the necessary confidence to continue. "Which one d'you want?" His words were slurred together in one big rush, but Zayn easily understood. He felt an undeniable grin tugging at one of the corners of his mouth. They rarely ever got to hear James speak, but his accent was pure South London.

"Bring them all." Zayn decided. "The sketchbook, too. I'll draw you something sick."

They walked out together from the hallway and set everything down on the floor of the living room. Zayn rested on his stomach as James pulled out the black sketchbook from his backpack. He turned his back to Zayn momentarily, flipping through the pages until he landed on a blank space. Zayn was surprised to see how much James had been using the gift. He couldn't make out much of what was scribbled onto the pages, he could only make out bright bursts of colour as James hurriedly flipped to a fresh page.

James didn't seem to keen on letting Zayn see the things he had drawn. He wordlessly ripped out the blank page, set it on top of the Batman colouring book, and slid them both over before setting up the box of coloured pencils to act as a makeshift barrier. Zayn was surprised once more when a quick inspection of the Batman book revealed that nearly two thirds of it had been completed. He risked a glance over the pencil box to see that the Toy Story colouring book James was flipping through looked to be in the same state.   
  
Zayn made a mental note to bring home some art supplies from his studio. He could never be certain, but maybe James would be interested in using something other than crayons or pencils. It took a fair amount of self control to keep from asking what exactly the boy had been drawing in the sketchbook, but Zayn kept his focus on the drawing he promised. He began to rummage through the yellow box for a pencil that was the perfect shade of blue, ideas for an evil alien warlord beginning to form in his head. Neither he or James noticed Liam slip past them from the kitchen, making his way silently down the hall towards James' bedroom.

______________________________________________________________________________

As the day went on, the overall mood in their little home felt like it lifted significantly from that morning. They spent the afternoon colouring and putting on different cartoons for James in the living room.  
  
Liam sat back several times to marvel at how everything seemed a bit _too_ easy. James was so content to do whatever they suggested. Liam half expected the boy would have readily complied if they asked him to simply sit and watch paint dry. He knew deep down that James was probably still too uncomfortable here to properly be himself, it would probably take several days until they started to see glimpses of his true personality, but at least for once he didn't seem overly wound up or frightened.  
  
Dinner that evening went much smoother. Zayn whipped together a large batch of chicken biryani that filled the entire flat with the aroma of spices.

Liam nuzzled at Zayn's neck while he attentively watched over a large steaming skillet. His hand gripped at Zayn's hip from behind before he leaned forward to press a kiss to his temple. The moment was sweet and short. Just as soon as Liam slinked up behind Zayn, he easily pulled away to begin pouring ice water for everyone.

James stood back and watched his foster parents from the safety of the table. He had never really seen two grown-ups be so casually affectionate towards each other. The homes he stayed in before were so different from this one. He had never seen two dads before, at least never in person. The other homes usually had a mum and a dad, but one time there was just a mum. Grown ups always seemed so serious to James, but Liam and Zayn were different somehow. There wasn't a lot of yelling or tense conversations. Things were so easygoing.

Zayn was pleasantly surprised at how well dinner went over. He and Liam were both relieved to see James' appetite return to the greedy type of hungry they witnessed the night before. His eyes grew noticeably wider the moment Zayn set a plate in front of him. After only the briefest words of encouragement, James eagerly dug into his food. Mostly on a whim, Zayn chose not to hold back on how spicy he made this batch of biryani. During dinner, Zayn sat back from his own plate and watched as James used his right hand to shovel bite after bite into his mouth. It clearly wasn't his first time eating Desi food.

Thankfully, pickiness appeared to be less and less the real issue surrounding James' unstable eating habits. Zayn wondered about the greater psychology that came into play while he watched the boy easily devour his second helping. He could remember when he and his sisters were small and his dad would lecture them about not eating their vegetables with stories of poor kids in Pakistan who would hunt for half-eaten garbage. The kids allegedly ate what they found like candy. Watching James reminded him of those stories for one clear reason: James ate like someone who knew real hunger. Not the type of hungry when someone misses a meal or two, but the type of hungry where someone is fighting against the pain of their stomach eating itself. Zayn desired to know just how much James remembered from living with his father, but he also knew that a number of those memories were probably not happy ones. 

James finished off four helpings that night. He stopped only when Liam made him wait five minutes after his fourth plate, and then asked him again if he wanted more. Fullness finally set in and he refused more food. He sat back in his chair, looking more than a little dazed as he rubbed his swollen stomach. His face looked oddly shocked, so much so that it made Liam wonder when had been the last time James felt truly full.

______________________________________________________________________________

Getting ready for bed that night went much smoother than their experience the night before. Liam stayed behind to do the washing up while Zayn helped James bathe off and brush his teeth. James moved sluggishly throughout the entire process. He struggled against the weight of his own eyelids as he slipped into joggers and another t-shirt Zayn found for him.

"We're going to have to take you proper clothes shopping soon." Liam mused as they all slipped down the hall to James' bedroom.

"Danny and I will probably take him Monday when the shops aren't busy." Zayn added as he flipped the light switch along the wall.

James wondered to himself who Danny could be as he climbed onto his bed. It was after he had slipped under the duvet that he realized both Zayn and Liam remained standing in his room.

"Is it okay if we talk for a little bit?" Liam asked while taking a cautious seat at the very foot of the twin bed.

James gave an unsure nod, watching as Zayn pulled out his desk chair to take a seat across from him.

"You know how you haven't been going to school these past few days?" Liam began. "And you know that we live a long ways away from where you were staying, right? You're far away from that part of London now." He explained.

James continued to nod along to Liam's words, but his face seemed concentrated on something else.

"That means that we can't send you to your old school anymore." Zayn stepped in. "You don't live in that borough, so we had to find a new school that's closer to us."

Those words seemed to reach James. Now listening, he sat himself up, his brow furrowing as he tried to piece some sort of objection together.

"You're supposed to start school again on Tuesday, mate." Liam spoke. "We found a really nice place for you. We've met your teacher and saw your class. It's all really ace, I promise."

James shook his head slowly as he looked from Liam to Zayn.

"It's okay to be worried. It's new and it's different, but I promise we're not sending you anywhere bad." Liam tried to give some assurance. He watched James for some sign of understanding or relief, but saw mostly hints of indignation from the child's eyes.

"It's not the first time you've switched schools, is it?" Zayn asked, receiving another shake of the head. "I guess that's pretty hard then, having to miss your old mates and be the new bloke."

James shrugged. "Didn't have any."  His eyes remained set on the duvet covering his legs, hands anxiously scratching at the material.

"Well, we're going to make sure this is different." Liam promised with what he hoped sounded confident, even though he felt a little shaken by James' negative reaction. "You're going to be at this school for a while. Well- if you like it, that is. If it doesn't work, we can try something else."

James seemed to be no longer listening to Liam. His eyes stayed fixed on his lap as he picked repeatedly at his left thumbnail.

"Does that sound at least a little okay?" Zayn asked hopefully. "You think you can try for us?"

He only gave a short nod in reply.

Zayn offered to read a book to James before he went to bed, but the boy turned away as means of rejection. He slid down to lie on his side, pulling the covers high over his shoulder, ignoring the two adults in his bedroom.

Liam rubbed James' foot through the covers. "It's going to be okay. You're not doing this alone." He murmured before standing.

"Get some sleep, Jai." Zayn whispered as he tucked the desk chair back to its original spot. "We're just across the hall if you need us."

______________________________________________________________________________

James couldn't sleep that night and he wasn't exactly sure why. He felt strangely far from home, even though he hadn't known what home felt like in a very long time. He could remember when he was little and still lived with his abbu, James suspected that was the closest he ever came. The times when his abbu wasn't sick and they didn't have to live with Taayaji had been nice. James often wished he could go back because he never really understood why he was sent away. He knew that people started to come around and ask questions after his abbu stopped acting like himself. He wasn't nice to James anymore and would disappear for days without saying anything. Someone explained to James that his abbu was a type of sick where he wouldn't ever get better. That explanation never really made him feel better about anything. James switched back and forth from thinking he must have done something wrong to thinking that maybe he was just stuck with rotten luck. He remembered a judge asking him in a courtroom if he understood why he had to move away and live with strangers. All of the adults in the room turned and looked at him like he was supposed to hurry up and say yes. At only four years of age, he was too scared to do anything but nod his head.

It was hard to fall asleep in this new flat because it came with too many new sounds that James couldn't identify. Liam and Zayn's cat kept stalking up and down the halls, emitting a soft meow every few minutes. Light from the city streets outside streamed through the large window across from the bed. It bathed over parts of the bedroom at a sharp angle, making strange shadows out of lamps and the desk chair in the corner.

James struggled to not think about what Liam and Zayn told him, but he couldn't keep the thoughts away. He felt like such a baby for being scared of switching schools. He had changed schools a few times before when he was moved, so it shouldn't be such a great surprise anymore. Nothing was ever allowed to feel familiar for too long, he knew that much by now. He thought about how he would have to be in a room full of strange kids all day with some teacher he didn't know. Things with Liam and Zayn were all ready different enough, there were rules he didn't know yet and the constant worry of messing up. A new school came with all of those things as well. It was hard to have strangers at home and strangers out the door.

Not long after he was left to sleep, James' stomach began to churn painfully. He tried ignoring the discomfort at first, it wasn't like he was a stranger to stomach pain, but the intensity kept growing. James pressed his face firmly into his pillow, biting down on the material to try and ride out the uncontrollable twists and jolts in his middle. Dinner was so good and he hadn't been able to stop eating. Now it felt like his stomach was getting tighter and tighter. James tried to close his eyes in hopes that would help, but then the bed started to feel like it was floating. He tried breathing in deep and slow breaths, the kind Holly told him to do when he was scared, but they didn't work for this queasy spiny sensation.

With legs and arms that felt wobbly and weak, James slowly slid down from his bed. The moment he managed to place himself upright his arms circled around his midsection, trying to hold off the spasms of pain. James grimaced against the bad taste building up in his mouth and urged himself to walk towards the bedroom door. His steps felt uneven. His hands and feet were coated in sweat. The thought of being sick all over the clean floors made his heart start to beat loudly in his ears, sounding like it was located in his head instead of his chest. James gripped the doorknob and let himself out into the dark hallway. He crept down towards the bathroom as quietly as he could manage, biting down on his lip to keep from groaning out.

As the pain level in his stomach made another violent jump, James abandoned caution and roughly bolted inside the little bathroom. He fell onto his knees in front of the toilet, wincing as his knobby joints hit the tile floor. His head whirled as an awful taste crept up his throat and into his mouth.

Liam was answering some late night e-mails in the office when he heard a noise come from across the hallway. His first assumption was that Zayn had forgotten to tidy up the bathtub after James finished bathing earlier that evening. Liam went back to scanning over an e-mail about a session proposal for a newly signed artist at the recording studio when more muffled sounds came from across the hall. He slid the rolling chair away from the computer, leaning back to better hear the commotion. He grew startled when he detected gagging noises coming directly from James' bathroom. 

Liam crossed over to open the office door. The door to James' bathroom had been left completely open. He could directly see across to where James was crouched down in front of the toilet. Liam took a tentative step closer, fighting his instincts to act quickly in fear that he would make things worse. James' face was red, a few tears streamed down his cheeks as he gagged over the bowl. It was a wonder how his little limbs even managed to support him through each jarring heave. Liam slowly entered the bathroom, crouching down to sit an arm's length away.

James cast a quick glance over his shoulder at Liam. A worried, sputtering sort of cry left him before he had to turn back around and face the toilet. The sudden appearance of one of his new foster parents was not looking at all to be very comforting for him.

Liam, despite the very real sensation of panic rising in his chest, reasoned that there wasn't much he could immediately do. James made it to the loo all on his own, and Liam couldn't very well reach inside the boy to stop whatever was making him vomit. He opted to remain kneeling, letting his hand find it's way to the curve of James' back.

"It's alright, mate. You're not in trouble." Liam tried to console in the beats of silence between James' heaving. He could feel the involuntary tremors in the boy's body coursing under his palm.

James let out another choked sound as footsteps could be heard approaching the small bathroom. Zayn appeared in the open doorway, shirtless and clad only in an old pair of track pants. "S'wrong?" He mumbled, his facial expression suggesting that he had been pulled from sleep.

James heaved a last bit of food into the bowl before he finally slumped down. His breathing immediately began to even out. Liam and Zayn wore mirrored clueless expressions as they looked to one another for help. They clearly hadn't been expecting this.

Liam smoothed tight circles into James' back, regarding him carefully to judge if he was truly done. "I think you might have ate a bit too much at dinner." He spoke softly.

James refused to lift his head off the toilet seat. He gave a shuddering little exhale, eyes glazed over with exhaustion.

"You feel better now?" Liam pressed. A moment passed where he couldn't tell if James was contemplating the question or outright ignoring him. It was only after Liam reached forward to flush the toilet that he received a small nod from the nearly collapsed child on the ground. "I'm pretty sure that was the last of it." He assured quietly.  
  
Even after Liam stood from the hard floor, James remained where he sat curled around the toilet, unmoving and still refusing to lift his eyes.  
  
Liam and Zayn shared another look between themselves. A moment of silent communication passed, where neither one of them was entirely sure what to do. Being pulled from the peace and quiet to find James vomiting himself empty over a toilet had shaken them both to the core.  
  
Zayn yawned softly from where he stood in the bathroom doorway. "I'll clean him up." He decided, his blunt nails scratching at the short hairs on his nape.  
  
Liam's shoulders slumped as he nodded in agreement. He definitely would have appreciated a switch in positions. "I can probably find something gentle for his stomach." He mumbled as they swapped places in the cramped space.

As Liam padded down the hallway in the direction of the kitchen, Zayn crouched down to where James was still curled up on the tile. The boy looked down at this thighs, scrubbing a hand over his messy face in shame.  
  
"No one's upset with you, babe. You haven't done anything wrong." Zayn tried to reason, but it was hard when he couldn't make even a brief moment of eye contact.  
  
James sniveled dejectedly. He felt embarrassed to have someone being so nice to him while he was sat on the floor with a face covered in sweat and sick. His head continued to hang down as a pair of hands slipped under his arms.

"C'mon, up you get." Zayn encouraged quietly as he placed the boy back on his feet. He was careful not to let go until he was confident James' quivering limbs would hold up. Out of reflex, he pressed his hand to James' forehead and cheek, frowning when there was no sign of fever. Maybe Liam had been right saying that he just ate too much at dinner. "Let's clean up a little." Zayn murmured, trying not to think of how James was actually worried about being punished for getting ill in the middle of the night. The implications were enough to make his blood run cold.

James sniffed and swiped at his eyes, allowing himself to be guided over to the sink. He refused to look up regardless of how many times Zayn nicely asked. It was only when a cup of water was pressed into his hand that he meekly raised his head.

"Rinse, spit, then we'll brush your teeth. You'll feel loads better." Zayn encouraged as he watched James shake his way through taking tiny sips of water. He finally had to step in and brush the boy's teeth for him. James was so clearly zapped of energy, it was all he could do to hold still with his mouth open.  
  
After they managed to get the last bits of toothpaste spat out and rinsed away, James straightened up and blinked at his reflection in the mirror. His face was a mess of tear tracks, saliva, and dried snot. He was surprised to feel Zayn's hand press at the back of his head, imploring him to lean over the sink. James instantly screwed his eyes shut as the tap was flicked on, preparing himself to be forced underneath a relentless stream of water. He was used to that sort of man-handling, it was all he knew to expect after waking up foster parents in the middle of the night. That's why he was all the more surprised to be met with the delicate sound of trickling water and the gentle sensation of a wet hand smoothing across his face.

Zayn managed to clear the mess off of James' face easily enough. Once satisfied that he was clean, he nudged the tap off with his elbow. He reached for the white hand towel hanging on the wall, handing it over so James could pat himself dry.

Just as Zayn was about to lead James out of the bathroom, Liam appeared in the hallway. He held out a plastic Iron Man cup. "It's just Gatorade and water." He offered in explanation when James looked at the yellow liquid suspiciously.  
  
Zayn meanwhile took a moment to be thankful that Liam was the one to actually take those ridiculous parenting classes seriously. When they were going through the first steps of being accredited to foster, Zayn always subscribed to the philosophy that parenting was a 'learn as you go' type of skill. No one was going to tell him something that would prepare him any better than good old common sense. It was Liam who hungrily listened to all of the unsolicited advice and read through all of the stupid pamphlets. In the middle of Zayn's "eh-I'll-just-wing-it" confidence, there was Liam's practical knowledge thinking about things like re-hydrating and replacing electrolytes.

Together, they walked with James back towards his bedroom. James trudged along between Liam and Zayn still with that defeated air. His head was level but his eyes remained fixed on the floor.

Liam took in the way James' bed sheets were twisted and looked like someone had kicked them nearly off the mattress. It was looking highly unlikely that James had slept for even a moment. He stayed back in the doorway and watched Zayn step forwards to straighten out the covers. James set his drink on the nightstand and climbed back onto his bed.

Once the sheets were back in a semi sleepable order, Zayn took a seat along the side of the bed. James turned on his side like he had earlier, refusing to face him. "It's okay, James, really." He murmured as he watched the boy's small body shakily breathe in and out. "Lot's going on right now. You got a bit sick. It happens." Zayn assured as he pulled the duvet up. "I'm going to leave the bin by your bed just in case, okay?" He stood and slid the little trash bin under James' desk over to the bed.

James listened as Zayn and Liam quietly left him once more. Just before the door shut he heard Zayn remind him softly that he could always come across the hall if he needed anything. James knew he couldn't ask them for anything right now, he didn't know if or when he'd ever feel okay enough to do that, but it was still nice that they offered. He lay there in the dark for several minutes, focusing on his breathing, and trying not to think about school.

Liam went back to the office to shut the computer down before he joined Zayn in their bedroom. He slipped into the sheets on his side of the bed, guided by the soft light from their TV. A  rerun of  _That 70's Show_ was playing half-muted. 

"You want me to keep this on?" Zayn asked as Liam situated himself.

"Please." He wanted the background noise. Liam faced the center of the bed, watching Zayn continue to sit up and stare at unattractive young Ashton Kutcher. He used to hate this show when they were younger. Liam had told the boys it was his favorite when the band was still getting to know each other at Harry's. Somewhere through the years it had switched to being Zayn's guilty pleasure and something Liam had grown slightly sick of. At that moment, though, it didn't really look like Zayn was paying much attention, just staring at something with light and sound.

"Don't know why you're watching with the volume so low." Liam mumbled after a few minutes. "It's not like he's going to call out if he needs something."

Zayn glanced down at him. "M'trying to keep myself from thinking."

"Well, this is the show to do it." Liam agreed. He found himself rolling onto his back and propping his head forwards so he could watch as well. They sat in silence while the episode played out, Liam kept glancing around the room as his mind traveled elsewhere. By the time the episode had ended he was fairly confident that Zayn had paid attention just about as much as he had. "You're not going to sleep until you get to talk about it, are you?" Liam broke the silence.

"Reckon not." Zayn admitted.

"We knew he'd need time." Liam rumbled, eyes fighting against slipping shut. "He's never stayed anywhere long enough to build an attachment to anyone. S'no surprise he doesn't trust us."

"I wasn't expecting him to trust me." Zayn sighed, his head shaking. "I just hate to know that he could be over there suffering or worrying himself over something and there's not much we can do. It could take him months before he feels comfortable enough to talk."

"It could." Liam agreed. He learned a long time ago that honesty was something Zayn appreciated much more than being coddled. Liam often knew that he himself could not be that strong.

"And now that I know he worries himself literally to the point that he becomes ill..." Zayn trailed off.

"Eats himself sick as well." Liam added. "At least we found out immediately."

"It all boils down to trust, doesn't it?" Zayn mumbled as he shifted to lie flat. "He doesn't believe he's going to have food. He won't tell you if he's hungry, if he's scared, if he is or isn't happy about something." He turned so he was facing Liam. "Then that business with the closet this afternoon..."

"Oh, so you you did see that?" Liam felt a touch surprised, though he didn't know why. Zayn had come to find him almost immediately after he had managed to put James' dirty clothes in the wash.

"We have to put his laundry bin somewhere else. Can't be in the closet anymore, Li." Zayn bit down on his lip.

"Yeah, you're right." Liam couldn't believe that he hadn't figured it out right when James had first acted scared. "It was like he was tranced out in front of it. I didn't know what to think." He admitted.

"I get that kids do shite things to other kids. We both know that better than most." Zayn started. "But for adults to allow for things like that to happen and not step in..."

"We'll never be able to do anything about that, Zayn." Liam found his wrist under the sheets. His thumb pressed lightly into the pulse point before tracing small circles. "We'll never be able to change all that's happened to him."

"He's just so young. He's barely five, innee? Can't even tie his own trainers." Zayn's voice started to grow thick. His mouth went partially slack and he was blinking in rapid fire.

Liam reached out for Zayn's abdomen, starting to smooth circles into his stomach using his knuckles and back of his hand. "He's got a lot of child hood left then, hasn't he? Lots of time for him to be happy and have a better idea of normal."

"I didn't think it would be like this, Li. I don't know what I thought, but-"

"I didn't either." Liam whispered. "But m'not scared." He let silence settle between them again before he added "...and neither are you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally managed to churn out this update. I'm terribly sorry it took a while. I try to post every week but sometimes I struggle now that school has started back. Thanks so much for all the lovely comments! Critiques have been very helpful as well! =]
> 
> Chapter six is well on its way to being complete, just need to flesh it out. Expect that to be posted soon.


	6. Chapter 6

The sunlight struggled to seep in through their apartment windows on Sunday morning. The heavy clouds outside acted as a blanket between the rays and the ground below. Moisture refused to leave the air, but the rain never truly came. Drops occasionally fell against the rooftops and windowpanes, but would end just as soon as they arrived, never delivering the real downpour the overcast sky threatened. The environment outside did nothing but urge everyone inside to hibernate and stay in bed a little longer than they normally would. Beds were inhabited. Pots of tea were made. Windows and front doors stayed locked, curtained, and shut.

Liam, much to his own surprise, chose to lie in rather than take his usual morning jog. He wanted to be one of those secured away in a cocoon of covers on the bed. He wanted to be lulled in and out of sleep by the drizzle, discouraged from peeking his toes out from the blankets and feeling the slight chill running through their flat. Liam rarely ever chose to break the comfort of routine. It was unlike him to deny himself the early morning solitude he enjoyed on his runs through the slow starting streets of Putney. It was just after ten o'clock by the time he had woken, showered, and dressed himself. Zayn had long since been up and moving about. Liam only knew this because he could vaguely recall stirring awake much earlier, watching Zayn slide out of bed with a groan to address the cat's constant scratching at their bedroom door. Instead of letting Loki in their room and climbing back into bed, he retreated down the hallway to the office and never returned. Liam hadn't initially thought much about it. He chose to roll over and dig for a few more hours of sleep. By the time he dared to step out of the bedroom, Zayn and James were seated at the table, nibbling on different odds and ends for a late breakfast.

"Morning." Zayn greeted before shoving the last bits of something into his mouth. "Only had one bagel left. I gave the other half to you." He nodded at the plate set at Liam's chair. "Should still be warm."

"That's okay. I'm in more of a porridge mood, to be honest." Liam shrugged. He paused, taking a moment to card his hand through the back of Zayn's hair in attempts to give wordless thanks. "Go on and take the rest."

Zayn shook his head as he quickly downed the remaining tea in his mug. He stood from his chair and took his crumb-filled plate over to the sink. "Not really a whole bagel kind of bloke, m'afraid."

Liam poured steaming water from the kettle into his instant porridge. He frowned as he noticed Zayn clearing away his own mess. They normally ate together on weekend mornings, but Zayn was making to leave the kitchen altogether. James sat at his own seat, leaning over a plastic bowl of cereal. He refused to look up from his Frosties and milk, seeming to purposefully avoid eye contact with his foster parents. Liam suspected that he hadn't fallen asleep too easily after his brief episode Saturday evening. The way the boy ducked his head suggested he wanted nothing more than to finish his food and run away from the breakfast table as quickly as he could. For the time being, James chose to keep himself as secluded as possible in his little corner.

Now satisfied with the bowl of hot mush he prepared himself, Liam slipped over to the table. He dropped down into his own seat tiredly, looking over to catch James staring at him. "Morning, little man." He greeted quietly.

The corner of James' mouth faintly flicked up before he looked back to his cereal. He hated being caught staring and certainly didn't want to be caught smiling on top of that. 

"You sure you couldn't just finish this off?" Liam called to Zayn's retreating back. He hated for perfectly good food to not be eaten, but he also hated the idea of the three of them not eating breakfast together.

Zayn glanced over his shoulder, looking at the bagel sitting off to the side. "Just wrap it up for later, Li." He urged. "I've got to make a few calls. I'll be in the office for a bit."

Liam shook his head as he dug in to his porridge, trying to assure himself that Zayn wasn't doing something work related on a Sunday. He couldn't think of anything management had booked for them anytime soon. He took a swallow of his tea, letting the warmth distract him from his mild annoyance.

"Liam?"

He was pulled from his thoughts by an unsteady small voice off to the side. Liam looked over to James, who was done with his cereal. Despite being finished with his food, he hadn't moved from the table. James sat propped up on one elbow, looking intently at the buttered bagel sitting between them.

"Can I...could I..." James shrugged a bit as he nodded over at the untouched bit of food. He stumbled over his words, trying to work up the nerve to ask the entire question.

"You want it?" Liam asked, more than a touch surprised to be on the receiving end of a direct question from the same foster child who spoke complete sentences about as often as sunny days occurred in a London winter.

James looked at his empty bowl before glancing back at the piece of bread. He nodded his head timidly, starting to look as if he regretted asking.

Liam slid the plate towards James, giving the boy an approving nod. "Have at it, mate." He assured.

James blinked in surprise before taking the toasted bagel. He sat back with the bread in his hands, looking unable to fully believe that asking for anything had been so easy.

Liam quickly finished the last spoonfuls of his porridge. He stood from the table and set about tidying things around the kitchen. He placed his bowl and mug of tea in the sink. He wiped down a few countertops before pitching pieces of yesterday's junk mail into the trash. He spied James' empty glass at the table, so Liam quickly gave him a refill of orange juice, not wanting James to have to work up the courage to ask for more. He noticed how James still held on to his bagel with no small amount of wonder. It was only when he noticed Liam kneeling down next to his chair that he finally looked away from his new prize.

"You know all you ever have to do is ask, right?" Liam softly implored.

James nodded, still holding the bagel close to his chest.

"I mean it, Jai." Liam pressed, somehow managing to draw eye contact with the boy sitting across from him. "What we have is what you have, understand?"

James nodded once more, but Liam suspected it was his practiced way of supplying the answer he felt an adult wanted to hear.

Not wanting to crowd James' space any longer, Liam straightened up from the floor. He affectionately ruffled James' sleep tussled hair. "I'll be right back. I want you to take your time and eat." 

Liam left the kitchen and found Zayn in their office, texting busily on his phone. The amount of noise Liam's socks made on the office rug was negligible. He slipped into the room unnoticed, taking a moment to watch as Zayn frowned over something he read across the screen.

"Babe..."

Zayn only subconsciously detected movement out of the corner of his eye. He hadn't been fully aware that Liam was there, so he tensed at the unannounced voice. His hand flew up to press against his chest before he set his phone face down. "Jesus, Liam." Zayn forced out a sigh, his body coiling up out of reflex. "Never like to make yourself known, do you?"

Liam pulled a face before crossing over to the desk. "Come off it."

"You can't just sneak up like that. Startles me." Zayn countered, slowly starting to unravel from the ball of tension his brief moment of fright caused him.

"Your delicate nerves will mend, I'm sure." Liam responded dryly. "I just wanted to know if there was something work related going on I needed to know about? If not, I'd like for us to go back to Sunday now." He nodded his head out towards the hallway at the end of his statement, almost like a coach coaxing a player back out onto the pitch.

Zayn flipped his phone face up, reading a new message he just received. "Nothing 'bout work, just talking with Danny. Says he hasn't seen us in ages."

Liam blinked. "He's not wrong."

"You know I forgot that United plays today." Zayn looked up from his lap to meet Liam's eyes. "I was thinking maybe we should just have the lads over like old times and watch here."

Liam tilted his head, looking hesitant to agree. "S'only James' third day. Might be a bit early for new people to come 'round."

"But he's going to meet Ant and Danny sooner rather than later." Zayn rebutted. "We don't have to be shut ins for the foreseeable future, you know."

"It's just that he wouldn't even look at us this-"

They glanced towards the open office door when the sound of pattering feet charged down the hallway. Liam caught a brief glimpse of James zipping by in a blur, heading down to his bedroom with an apparent sense of purpose. Zayn nibbled on his lip. Liam gave the slightest wince when the sound of a door being harshly shut came from the top of the hall. They both temporarily forgot about the Manchester United match.

"Did you make sure he ate?" Zayn blurted quietly, now distracted from his previous argument. "I meant to make sure he finished at least the bowl of cereal, but-"

Liam noted the anxious way Zayn grinded his toe into the hard floor, the way he stared at the empty hallway James had just crossed.

"Have a feeling he just made off with the bagel I left him with." Liam admitted. "Didn't stay to watch him eat it, I just came to check on you."

"Lovely." Zayn lightly breathed out, the air leaving him in a solid huff. He dragged a hand over his face, sucking in his bottom lip as he thought something over. "I guess we'll need to have a talk with him sometime soon."

Liam nodded, not sure of how they were even going to begin to tackle that conversation. "Doesn't have to be today. We'll just try before school starts, yeah?"

"Yeah." Zayn agreed. He tried to sound sure of himself, tried to look ahead at everything with the same optimistic attitude. He had to hang on to the idea that everything would just need time to sort itself out, hard as that may be.

"But about Dan and Ant coming over to ours..." Liam switched back to the original subject.

"You think I should call it off?" Zayn asked. "If you think it would overload James too soon..." 

Liam shrugged. "You and Dan will be taking him to the shops on Monday anyways, right? Guess there's no real difference between today and tomorrow, is there?"

Zayn nodded, a faint grin on his face. "You think it'll be okay?"

"I do." Liam admitted, happy to have coaxed a slight smile onto Zayn's features. Just like James, they both needed normalcy. Liam realized this above all. It wasn't normal for them to stay shut in the flat, locked away from the world. Two of their mates stopping by for a couple of hours wasn't anything to shield James from. Liam hated that he felt the initial need to say no. The world sometimes set him up to be the wet blanket, and it was that much worse when Zayn would be obviously disappointed and simultaneously feel he had to hide it.

"They've been buzzing to meet him." Zayn beamed as he began to type away on his phone.

"It'll be good for us..." Liam agreed slowly. "It's like testing the waters with Jai and new people." He shrugged.

"We have to start somewhere. He has to learn what's normal." Zayn seemed so relieved. His shoulders slumped as he realized they had avoided an argument, especially one that made him feel like he was painting Liam to be the bad guy.

Liam bit the inside of his mouth, tossing Zayn's words around in his mind as he stepped over towards one of the bookshelves along the near wall. With his finger he cleared a line through the faint layer of dust accumulating on one of the shelves. _Their lifestyle_. Liam felt the weight of those words in a distinct way. James had so much to learn about them as people. There would come a time when they would have to introduce him to the bigger picture. Their families. Their friends. _Their career._ Liam couldn't begin to fathom how they would explain the concept of fame to a five year-old. That thought alone kept him up at night more than most others. There were times when Liam felt a bit of guilt for thrusting a child into more than just a new home, but almost an entirely different planet. Did a boy so young really have any choice in the matter? Liam feared rejection, but it almost comforted him to imagine James with some inkling of free will.

Of course, Liam realized, there was so much learning he and Zayn would have to do as well. James came with a background too turbulent to easily envision. It intrigued Liam to no end to think that maybe a day would come where they would get to know James' take on his own story, no matter how far off that day might be.

______________________________________________________________________________

James was hyper aware of the bagel in his pocket when he managed to dash from the breakfast table to his bedroom. Liam and Zayn were talking in the office, and James couldn't tell what kind of talking they were doing. Their voices were hushed, but he had the unshakeable feeling the subject was him. He knew he shouldn't have asked for the bagel. That was probably why Liam left the kitchen so suddenly. James asking to take more of their food might have made him mad. Maybe Zayn and Liam were discussing how they were going to send him back.

A toy box sat pushed against the far wall of James' bedroom. He studied it for a moment before dropping down to his knees and raising the wooden lid. A bucket of Duplo caught his eye, providing a perfect solution to his problem. James yanked the bit of bagel from his pocket, quickly hiding it away underneath the brightly coloured bricks in the Duplo bucket. They found the food James first tried to hide in his desk drawer. Liam probably figured it out when he saw the crumbs in James' pockets. No one had been angry, but James knew some form of punishment would come if he didn't become more careful. He was stealing from them. Nobody wanted a thief for a kid.

Food was such a strange thing. It was everywhere, but there were rules about who it belonged to and who could eat it. James couldn't believe Liam for a second when he said that whatever they had was what he had. All of their food was stored away in one room, placed in cupboards high off the ground where James couldn't reach. That wasn't his. None of it was meant for him.

His hand absently stroked over the fabric covering his abdomen, mindful of how he received the three burns stretched across his stomach. The second foster mum James stayed with made a rule that no kids were allowed in the kitchen. James broke that rule, so he received three marks--one for each thing he stole. The skin never looked the same after that and it took forever to heal. James never took from the pantry or cupboards again, no matter how hungry he became.

Being banned from the kitchen forced James and the other kids in the home to use different means to find food. The older children stole whatever they could from the shops down the road, sometimes they would share with the younger ones. James and one other boy in the home were too small to do anything quite like that. Even that early in his time in care, hunger was not an unfamiliar concept to James. He could remember after his abbu became sick how there suddenly was never any food in their tiny flat. James took to eating whatever he could find, which oftentimes wasn't proper food. There was a certain point of hunger where things that weren't meant to be eaten began to taste and smell good in a way that wasn't normal. The bright paint on toys started to make James' mouth water like sweets. Fuzzy bits from the carpet reminded him of popcorn. Things that he knew perfectly well were not real food started to smell good in a way that suggested they might make the pain in his stomach leave.

All of the kids went hungry in that second foster home. James remembered his stomach hurting for days and having absolutely no energy. He was desperate to find something to eat. Sometimes they would get lucky and find food in the trash bins, but often times they had to wait it out between their infrequent meals. One boy in the home, James couldn't remember his name, taught all of the smaller kids how to eat paper to get by. James hadn't wanted to at first, he knew paper wasn't food, but the pain in his middle was too great to ignore. He hadn't done it often, but paper helped him put just enough in his stomach to be able to ignore the hunger and drift off to sleep. James remembered sitting around in a circle and sharing tiny pieces of newspaper with an older girl named Jada and that same boy who originally showed him. That memory was oddly pleasant, because it was the only time in that home when James felt like there was someone to care for and someone to care for him. He never knew what happened to the kids he met at the different homes, he wondered if they ever were adopted or went back to live with their real families.

James curled up on the bit of floor in front of his toy box. Finding a position that was comfortable enough on his side, he brought his knees up towards his chest before slipping his thumb nail between his teeth. He tried not to think about the day he and his foster brothers and sisters were taken from the last home. He tried not to remember the way the older kids fought and screamed, swearing the next place would only be just as bad. Try as he might, James couldn't get their words out of his head. He drifted off to sleep hearing raised voices, sizzling flesh, and a never-ending buzzing noise in his ears.

______________________________________________________________________________

Zayn relented to letting Liam tidy up the kitchen. Originally, he planned to do all of the washing up and to wipe down all of the countertops, but Liam plugged in his Ipod and jumped on the task first. Zayn watched him from the doorway, looking at the toned arms firmly scrubbing down tables and chairs in a thorough way that only Liam was capable of.

Instead, Zayn traipsed quietly down the hallway, stopping at the linen closet to retrieve the individual laundry bin. He shut the door softly, padding the remaining distance to James' bedroom. He rapped lightly on the doorframe. No sound came from the other side. He knocked again. Still nothing.

"Jai, I wanted to leave this in here for you."  
  
Zayn peeked his head inside, finding James on the floor. He slept curled up on one side, on a tiny space just in front of his toy box. Quietly, Zayn slipped inside and set the laundry bin in the small corner between the wall and James' desk. It shouldn't have really surprised him to find the boy asleep in the middle of the day. He seriously doubted that James slept well the previous night. Zayn knew even if James had managed to fall asleep, it couldn't have been for long. He had clambered out of bed the second he heard Zayn up and moving around earlier that morning.

Slowly, Zayn knelt down in front of where James rested. He hated to wake him, but hated the idea of letting him sleep on the hard ground much more. He would have just lifted him off the floor and set him on the bed, but it felt too risky to chance him waking up and not being okay with Zayn carrying him. He watched for a moment, noticing how James slept curled tightly in on himself, his back turned towards his bedroom door. James' thumb rested just outside of his mouth, making Zayn wonder if he had been a thumb sucker as a baby.

"Hey, James..." Zayn called, rubbing at the boy's bony shoulder.

James didn't stir and gradually come to like Zayn expected, but rather jolted awake as if an explosion had sounded near by. He tensed at Zayn's touch, instinctively rolling a full 180 degrees to put his back towards the toy chest and face whoever hovered over him. Zayn pulled his hand away like he had been scalded, feeling horrible when James threw his arms up over his head. Zayn sat back on his haunches, giving time for James to place where he was and to register that there was close to a meter of personal space surrounding him.

"Easy, it's okay. S'just me."

James took a deep breath before sliding his arms down, looking up at Zayn with unease. His mind slowly registered the soft words being spoken at him, and he gradually abandoned his protective position.

"You okay?" Zayn checked.

The rush of adrenaline had gone, and James looked ashamed of his reaction. He risked a quick glance at Zayn before averting his gaze back to ground and nodding.

"Wouldn't you rather kip on your bed than the floor?" Zayn made a mental promise right there to start regularly using possessives when talking to James about things around the house. _Your bathroom. Your bed. Your seat. Your lunch._

James nodded before hefting himself into a sitting position. Now sitting upright, he rubbed tiredly at his eyes, his body swaying under the need to continue sleeping.

"S'alright if I give you a lift?" Zayn asked. He felt relieved when James mumbled a quiet okay. Keeping his actions slow, Zayn reached out and easily hauled James up off the floor. He didn't stop to hold him, choosing instead to pick him up and deposit him onto the bed in one fluid motion.

James blinked with a touch of surprise when he processed how quickly he had been moved. Being on the floor at one moment and then momentarily finding himself on top of his bed had thrown him off. A large yawn forced its way out of his mouth before he stretched out across his mattress, curling up on his side once more.

Zayn took a seat along the bed's edge. "Sorry I startled you. Never meant to." He offered. "I just wanted to let you know that a couple of my mates are coming 'round a bit later. United's playing Newcastle and we're all going to watch."

James nodded slowly at the news, looking like he wasn't quite sure what any of it had to do with him.

Zayn placed a hand on the small of the boy's back, realizing that James didn't quite get the implication. "You want someone to come wake you up when it starts? You think you'd like to watch with us?"

James shrugged, nuzzling away into his pillow.

"There's no rule saying you have to stay in your room all the time." Zayn reasoned. "You live here. This is your home, too."

James' eyes were drooping shut as he nodded along to Zayn's words. It wasn't an expression of agreement, but more of a sleepy acknowledgement that he heard.

"One of us will come and ask you when the match starts." He promised, scratching a bit at James' back. "Have a good rest, yeah?"

______________________________________________________________________________

Noon came around quicker than Zayn had expected. Just as he managed to set the living room TV to the Manchester United match, there was the sound of a key being slipped into the front lock. He and Liam agreed several years back to have both Ant and Danny as unofficial flat sitters. They were familiar faces around the building. For years now all of the doormen knew them by first name. Both held a copy of the apartment key, a privilege normally only Trisha or Karen could boast. It was a necessity when Zayn and Liam had been gone for months at a time on tour.

"Just us, Zed." Ant called out from the front door.

Footsteps approached from the entryway before both Danny and Anthony Riach appeared in the living room.

Zayn was adjusting the brightness on the TV, only briefly glancing over as Ant threw himself down onto the sofa. "Arright, Ant?" He mumbled.

"Golden, mate." He slurred happily, stretching out the entire length of the three-seater. "Sophia and I are back together." 

"Yeah? She took you back?" Zayn called, a playful note in his words. Truthfully, he felt a sense of relief to see Ant's turbulent mid twenties finally winding down. The years he and Danny spent partying alongside  their little brother had been some of the most intense of their lives. Zayn was happy to see Ant with some semblance of stability, for everyone's sake.

Danny approached slowly, grinning as he pulled a distracted Zayn in for an embrace. "You good?" He hummed against Zayn's ear, rubbing affectionately at his head.

Zayn turned, hooking an arm around Danny's neck. He breathed in the smell of smoke and cinnamon, a scent combination Danny had managed to hang on to since their Bradford days. "Been good, Dan. S'just been intense, s'all."

"I haven't heard much. You three have been okay, yeah?" Danny pressed.

"Yeah."

"Where's the new baby, then?" Ant asked from the sofa.

Zayn looked over his shoulder, pulling away from Danny. "In his room. He's been having a kip for 'bout an hour now."

"S'the weather for it, innit?" Danny responded just as Liam quietly entered from the kitchen.

"There he is!" Liam grinned before pulling Danny in for a firm embrace. He had missed having their friends around. He and Zayn spent the last month doing whatever was necessary in their fostering process and they consequentially fell off the map socially. Aside from their parents, no one had heard much from them beyond a brief phone call now and then.

"Did you tell them?" Liam looked to Zayn as he released Danny.

Zayn shook his head. He noticed the early hints of concern in the glances shooting around the room.

"What? Is there more news?" Ant asked from the sofa, Loki curled up on his chest.

"No, s'not really news or anything." Zayn insisted. He could feel the way Ant was now paying more attention to them than the advert blaring quietly on the TV. He could feel how Danny was looking from his face to Liam's, trying to piece together if he should be asking more questions. Zayn's impulses told him to become defensive, even in the familiar company of his two closest friends. It made him nervous just how easily people could form opinions about James, about them. He needed for people to not demand so many explanations, but to just 'get it'.

"James is shy." Liam began carefully. "He's only vaguely accustomed to me and Zayn, so strangers are kind of a gamble."

"Sure, he's shy." Danny's shrug suggested he thought that would have been obvious. "What's the worry in that?"

"There's none." Zayn assured. "He's just wary 'round people he doesn't know." He crossed over to the sofa Ant was occupying, giving his young friend a firm nudge. "Budge up. Sleep at your own place." He grumbled as Ant made room for him. Zayn settled down on the end of the sofa, watching as Danny dropped onto the loveseat. Loki crossed to the next sofa, choosing Danny's lap as a new resting place.

Liam left down the hallway towards the back bedrooms, leaving the three of them pondering if they should order pizza.

______________________________________________________________________________

"Mate?" Liam softly announced himself as he peeked through the door.

James was awake, sitting up on his bed with the stuffed monkey they gave him clutched under his arm. Liam had the feeling he had been trying to listen for the adults out front.

"Match is about to start. You want to come watch?" Liam offered.

James curled his toes against the mattress, chewing on his thumbnail as he thought. He eventually shrugged, holding a look on his face that suggested he wasn't really sure what was and wasn't allowed.

"How 'bout this..." Liam rephrased "I would really like it if you came and watched with us. You don't have to stay for the entire thing if you don't want."

James nodded, finally giving in and crossing over. He allowed Liam to lead the way out into the living room. He trailed behind, anxiously trying to peer around Liam's legs without giving up the temporary barrier they created between him and whatever was next. It felt exactly like when Holly would lead him to meet a new couple at the agency office. That same sort of fear crept up into James' stomach. He didn't know a single thing about whoever he was being brought to see.

James took a deep breath as they came to the entry of the living room, preparing himself for the onslaught of eyes awaiting his arrival. The living room lights were dimmed, the room was mostly lit up from the glow of the TV.  He cast his gaze down to the floor, which was his normal defence mechanism for entering a room full of strangers. James had been conditioned to react a certain way when brought to meet people. He knew exactly how to shrink away when instantly assaulted with much too warm smiles and overly sweet coos.

Those reactions never came, though. In fact, much to James' shock, no reaction of any kind happened. He stood frozen in his spot, confused when he lifted his eyes to see that two strangers sat in front of the telly, but their attention barely flicked over at all. Two young men who looked to be the same age as Zayn and Liam sat on either sofa. They were mostly engrossed in whatever was on TV, one of them just managing to turn away enough to ask Liam if he wanted pizza later or now.

Liam made a face. "Definitely later. I only had breakfast not even two hours ago."

Suddenly, James was left alone as Liam moved across the room over to the larger sofa to take a seat. He stood awkwardly isolated at the mouth of the hallway, shifting from foot to foot.

Zayn grinned faintly at the way James fidgeted. He took mercy and held his hand out, silently beckoning for him to come over. Biting his lip, James hesitated for a moment before shuffling slowly to the loveseat. He was conscious to stay on the side of Zayn that was furthest from the strangers.

Zayn rested his hand on James' back, he watched the boy's eyes sneak little glimpses of Danny and Ant. It reminded him of their first introduction at the agency, when James leaned against Holly's legs and tried to stare without being caught. Zayn was surprised to feel James pressing ever so slightly against him. It was so unlike him to be curling in for contact rather than shying away.

"That's Danny." Zayn explained softly as he directed attention over to the person nearest Liam.

James took in the sharp nose and dark, beady eyes of the man sitting across from them. Danny gave a small wave, smirking despite the stern stare-down James timidly attempted to give him.

"And that's his brother, Ant." Zayn pointed his thumb at the man sitting closest. "They're my mates from back home."

Ant's eyes were dark like Danny's, but his jaw was wide, his shoulders broad. He reminded James of some of the older boys from the group home. He was tall,  probably rough and loud as well. Ant nodded briefly at James, mumbling an _arright_ before returning his eyes to the match on the screen.

"You want to sit with me or sit with Liam?" Zayn asked quietly. He made no attempt to pull anyone's attention over to them, he simply identified the newcomers for James and then offered him somewhere to sit.

Choosing where to sit was a welcomed relief. James eyed the open spot next to Liam, noticing how it was the farthest away from everyone else. He quickly scampered across the room and hauled himself up on to the sofa. His introduction to Zayn and Liam's friends was so simple. There was no great fuss made over him or demand that he speak to anyone. The main focus of the room was the match on the TV and James couldn't be more grateful.

Liam and James walked in only just after kick-off. Though he considered himself a fan of football, James admittedly didn't know what to do while watching a game in a room full of adults. It was such a foreign world to everything he had ever been exposed to. From what he could remember, there hadn't been much TV to watch when he lived with his abbu, there wasn't enough money. When they moved in with Taayaji TV was always around, but mostly cricket matches and Bollywood action movies. James didn't really know much about football until he went into foster care. He lived with a young couple in his third placement. They had two older boys who were their proper children. They played with neighbourhood kids in the back garden every day after coming home from secondary school. James remembered sometimes being allowed to watch them play football. They offered to teach him a few times, but he had been too scared to join. He felt that was the reason the nice couple had sent him back, because he was afraid of everything. James had just come from a really nasty foster home where the people were mean and the kids were even worse. He tried to be normal and act less afraid, but only lasted three weeks in the new home before they grew frustrated and sent him back.

Danny tried to subtly observe James without looking like he was paying anything less than full attention to the match on screen. Despite the amount of time he had been given to prepare himself for this moment, seeing Zayn and Liam with a child was still a very new and abrupt change. The instant Danny saw this apprehensive little boy adhering himself to Zayn's side, he became keenly aware of just how much things were going to change. Another human being relied on Zayn and Liam for security, a human being that seemed terrified of other human beings. The things Zayn told him over the phone about James were gutting, but the kid sitting by Liam didn't look particularly broken or fragile. Danny did his best to try and look like he was actively participating in watching the game. He sighed frustratedly at the right times, he joined in on the shit talking whenever appropriate, but something in him couldn't stop from wanting to try and observe this stoic little newcomer.

Ant didn't bother trying to hide his own staring. He thoughtfully looked over at James sitting on the far side of Liam. They told him ahead of time that the lad was shy, but Ant hadn't quite expected the timid little thing that stumbled out into the living room. James reminded Ant of a modern day Oliver Twist when he refused to look up from the floor. Zayn warned for them to just let James be, let him hang out a bit before trying to initiate anything. From what Ant could tell after a few minutes, James was certainly curious enough on his own. He would wait for any opportunity where he thought none of the adults were watching before peeking over to stare at him or Danny. After a couple of rounds of the tiring game, Ant couldn't deny his urge to size this kid up a bit.

"Who d'you support, small man?" Ant demanded, nodding his head over to a surprised looking James.

James looked up to find all eyes trained on him. He swallowed, wanting nothing more than to hide into Liam's side, but not wanting to look like a baby. The loud one had asked him the question, and James felt reminded of being singled out on the playground. His mind recalled the instances where everyone, including kids and grown-ups, would laugh the moment he gave the wrong answer. He didn't want to say the wrong thing here, didn't want to embarrass Zayn or Liam by sounding stupid.

"You can always say West Brom." Liam whispered down teasingly, trying to give James a way out.

James felt that he certainly couldn't say that. He didn't know that much about football, but he knew enough to know that West Brom weren't a big club and were normally horrible. He made a face at Liam before leaning around to look at Ant. "Gunners." He uttered with a casual shrug. He hoped he sounded a bit more confident than he felt. The four adults in the room looked at each other for a moment, smiles on some of their faces.

Ant snickered before breaking into a loud cackle, tipping his head back against the sofa as he laughed. "Did you hear him?" He cried while looking to both Zayn and Liam. Suddenly he sat forward and shrugged his shoulders, making an exaggerated impression of James' cool expression. _"Gooners"_ Ant quickly mimicked before breaking into another cackle.

"He is from down here, innee?" Danny side-eyed Zayn, unable to hide his own grin.

James frowned, instantly fearing he said the wrong thing. He wasn't sure what they wanted to hear, so he answered honestly. All the boys in the group home supported Arsenal and nearly all the kids at his school. Anyone else was just laughed at.

"Your kid supports Arsenal!" Ant exclaimed as he swatted Zayn's leg.

James blushed, ducking his head before hiding behind Liam once more.

"Nothing wrong with that." Zayn shrugged. "Arsenal's a good club, Jai. You don't have to like United."

"He's right. I don't like United." Liam assured as he slipped his arm around James. Despite his own amusement, he couldn't help but feel a touch sorry. James didn't quite understand that it wasn't so much _what_ he said that earned the big reaction, but rather  _how_ he said it.

"At least he doesn't support the Spurs." Ant remarked as he quieted down. He shook his head before turning his attention back to the game. "Or worse, CrystalPalace. Could you imagine?" He added while sneering in distaste.

James allowed himself to rest against Liam's side. He felt relieved that Liam and Zayn had taken up for him. He felt such a pressure to not look stupid in front of their mates. James feared that they might not let him hang around the next time there was a football match if he didn't do the right things here and now.

"I reckon I'd support Arsenal if I were from down here." Danny said after a few minutes of silence. "Cannons are cool."

Everyone mumbled faint agreements and James felt a bit thankful towards Danny at that moment. He decided that he liked Danny well enough. James began to wonder if maybe there wasn't always a test for him. He sat back against the sofa, allowing Liam to keep his arm around his shoulders. He relaxed enough to pay full attention to the match, actually enjoying himself a bit. Telly was such a treat at the other homes he had stayed at, and nearly non-existent at the group home. It seemed like a constant with Liam and Zayn, and James wasn't quite sure what to make of that. Watching the match surrounded by nothing but lads was fun. James knew enough about football beforehand to know the basics of the rules. He knew the names of the big clubs and some super famous players, but some finer points of the game still confused him. Every once in a while, Liam would explain something to him, quietly pointing out why a goal kick was given versus a corner kick, or why something counted as a foul when another thing didn't.

That afternoon had been the most fun James had in recent memory. He never really made much noise, even when Manchester United eventually won. He liked how no one expected him to really do much. It was okay that he sat back and soaked everything in. During half-time, Zayn brought up how they might actually go watch a couple of matches before the season was over. James thought the idea sounded amazing, but knew better than to believe in it just yet. He chose to stay close to Liam for the entirety of the evening, remaining tucked into his side even by the time pizza came an hour after the match.

______________________________________________________________________________

Monday morning was their last bit of quiet before the new school routine went into effect. Liam wanted to hold on to that feeling of tranquillity for as long as he could, but knew it wasn't meant to be. He had to be up so he could leave early to collaborate on a song writing session across town in some studio in Dalston. He dreaded the commute over to the East side of London, so the crack of dawn stood as the only chance of being remotely on time.

He was completely dressed by the time Zayn managed to drag across the floor towards the bathroom for a shower. Seated on the bench at the foot of their bed, Liam watched Zayn's slow progression with a touch of mirth in his eyes.

Zayn shuffled past with barely even a glance. "Hate when you go in early." He muttered.

Liam reach out slowly to give a light tug at Zayn's hand, stopping him from moping away. "Means I'll be home early tonight, though."

An airy sort of sigh left Zayn as he pulled Liam up on to his feet, pulling at his arms so they would slip around his waist. A low rumble came from Liam as he obliged, letting his hands smooth up and down Zayn's bare back. They rarely ever had these quiet moments in the mornings. Liam was normally up and gone long before the time Zayn managed to fully wake and get ready. The notion of sleep-hazed, toasty morning cuddles was a myth for them. Liam was up and moving like it was some sort of natural instinct, often making Zayn bitterly insist he was a bit _too_ in tune with the birds and the rising sun.

"James is still asleep." Liam mumbled down onto Zayn's shoulder. "Gotta feeling he'll be a right pleasure to wake up in the mornings for school."

Zayn poked his nose against Liam's neck. "I'm glad it'll be you waking him up, then."

Liam smiled knowingly. "See? I think you're starting to understand just how much our morning routine is about to change."

Zayn huffed against the clean smelling skin beneath his lips. "I'll still help get him ready and that. Jus' saying that you'll be the one rousin' him."

Liam's hand tugged playfully at the back waistband of Zayn's joggers. "You'll be that mum who drops him off in slippers and a dressing gown."

"Fuck off." Zayn blushed as he gently head butted Liam's shoulder. He pulled away, only lingering long enough for Liam to sneak in a kiss on his cheek.

"I wish I could go with you three." Liam admitted with a faint frown. He crossed to the chest of drawers to slip on his watch, the heavy metal momentarily ice cold against his wrist.

"Someone's gotta make sure the right superhero's on his lunchbox." Zayn grinned over his shoulder.

Liam shrugged, looking around for the belt he threw off the other day. "Well, that, yeah. But I really just want to watch him take things in, you know?"

Zayn paused in the doorway of the bathroom, leaning against the frame. "Keep your phone nearby. I'll try to send loads of pictures."

"Don't be afraid to make Danny help out a bit. Like, if Jai would rather keep close to you, let Danny handle shop people."

Zayn nodded dismissively. "He's been shopping with me since we were eighteen." He tilted his chin upwards before playfully asserting, "He knows what I keep 'im 'round for."

Liam finished slipping a belt through his trousers as Zayn turned away to grab a shower. After performing one more pocket check to make sure he had his phone, wallet, and keys, Liam crossed the hallway to James' bedroom. Quietly, he slipped inside to find James curled in a ball at the foot of his bed. The duvet and sheets were a tangled mess, making Liam wonder if James ever achieved any truly restful sleep.

Liam crossed over to the compact twin bed, realizing more and more that he didn't have the heart to rouse James. Something about the way he curled in on himself while he slept unnerved Liam. He was beginning to realize that James didn't have a healthy relationship with sleep and the evening time. In the mornings they always found him with his covers tossed about and his body twisted in some sort of protective position.

Liam straightened what little he could of the duvet and sheets, being sure not to disturb James in the process. He had to fight the instinct to pick the boy up and place him back at the head of his bed. He couldn't handle the risk of startling James and pulling him from sleep earlier than need be. His mum and eldest sister tried their hardest to cram in every well-known cliché of parenting advice when he and Zayn announced they were planning to start a family. Somewhere amongst the clutter of information Liam could recall ' _let_ _them sleep where they drop_ ' alongside things like _'feed a cold, starve a fever_ ' and _'make them wait twenty minutes to swim after eating'_.

Liam was thankful that James didn't stir when he carded a hand through his dark fringe and mumbled a soft promise to see him that evening. He made a quiet exit back out to the hallway. The sound of the shower running could be heard coming from his and Zayn's bedroom. Liam was mindful not to make too much noise as he trekked out of the apartment. He only barely remembered to grab an apple from the kitchen and fill Loki's food bowl before slipping out the front door.

 _____________________________________________________________________________

Zayn managed to get James and himself ready in just over an hour. Somehow the process of caring for someone else proved to be manageable enough. He wasn't sure how he would fare during the week when James needed to be at school on time every morning, but this casual excursion at least made him feel like he was semi-capable. There wasn't anything remarkably stressful about making sure James was dressed properly for the cold outside and that his clothes matched. Zayn considered himself lucky that the only setback to their getting out the door was when he sent James back to his room to make a second attempt at an outfit. His first attempt of maroon trousers, a green jumper, and red trainers was endearing enough for Zayn to sneak a photo on his phone as he walked James back to his room for different clothes.

Zayn's phone vibrated somewhere in the middle of doing up the buttons on James' coat. He looked at the screen to find a new text from Danny.

_Just pulled up outside. Don't be long. xD_

"Danny's going to come with us today." Zayn informed as he looked up from checking that James' trainers were tied well enough. He made a mental note to add boots to the list of must-buy items for that day. James' canvas trainers would make nothing but misery in the cold and wet London winter. "It's okay that he's with us, right?" Zayn hesitantly added, not truthfully knowing what he would do if he received anything other than a yes. Danny was already waiting outside and Zayn didn't fancy the idea of doing this trip alone.

James shifted before finally shrugging. "S'fine." He mumbled quietly.

Zayn had the defeating realization that James couldn't have mustered up an objection even if an actual bogeyman had been invited. He noticed with a certain amount of parent-like annoyance that James' sleeves fell nearly past his fingertips. With a sigh, Zayn knelt down to roll back the too-long fabric.  "I need you to stay close to me while we're out. You can't go running off." He explained as he fussed over the thick wool.

With newly freed hands, James looked up to meet Zayn's eyes.

"Can you do that for me?" He pressed.

James hesitated before realizing that silence didn't work as a reply. He nodded, allowing a soft 'yeah' to leave his lips.

Zayn grinned softly before clapping him on the arm. "Good lad." He praised. Satisfied that the boy finally was dressed to face the outside world, he straightened from the floor. "C'mon, then. Got Dan waiting outside."

James and Zayn rode the lift down to the building's lobby. The security man at the front desk waved to them before they walked outside onto the street. Danny's black SUV was parked a few meters down. The vehicle looked massive and imposing to James, who had never seen windows blacked out so dark. He wondered how anyone could see anything from the inside.

"Do you and Liam have a car?" James found himself asking aloud. He hadn't meant to ask questions and his hand clamped over his mouth the moment he realized what he said. He knew Liam and Zayn had to be loaded, but he never stopped to think that their friends were wealthy too. Danny's giant car only further cemented that notion in his mind.

"Yeah, we have one." Zayn smirked as he noticed James' hands pressed over his mouth. "Keep it in the garage 'round the other side of the building."

James found himself blushing a bit under Zayn's gaze. He knew shouldn't have asked anything, but it seemed like Zayn didn't really mind. Despite how curious he felt, it took nearly all of James' willpower to keep from asking why they were taking Danny's car instead.

"How goes it?" Danny greeted from the driver's seat.

"Good, mate." Zayn responded as he yanked open the heavy backdoor. 

"You won't believe what Liam did." Danny grinned, turned completely around in his seat to face them.

Zayn paused as he noticed the child booster seat sitting in the middle of the back bench. He blinked, completely unable to fathom how things like this constantly slipped past him. "Did he buy you one?" Zayn sputtered.

Danny shrugged as he looked over his shoulder. "Yeah. Came by and installed it nearly a week ago. Guess he figured you'd be making me the chauffeur."

Zayn made a mental note to properly thank Liam one of these evenings, because he hadn't _even once_ thought about car seats. Despite having younger siblings, nieces, and more baby cousins than he could count, he hadn't once remembered that James wasn't the size of a normal five year-old and would still need a safety harness. Zayn had made multiple preparation lists in the past month and something as major as a car seat never managed to make any of them. With a slight chill running through his frame, he wondered what else could have been forgotten. What if there were things that Liam hadn't remembered behind him? Zayn made sure James buckled himself in correctly as he tried to assure himself they had everything that was immediately essential. _Things can be purchased. In shops. Live in a massive city. Plenty of shops._ He mentally chanted before closing the door and walking around to the passenger's seat.

James was quiet during the drive to the eastern part of the city. He was slowly starting to feel okay with the idea of talking a little in front of Zayn and Liam, but Danny still felt like too much of a stranger. He didn't really mind sitting alone in the back, though. It gave him the rare opportunity to hear unfiltered adult conversation from the front seat. Usually grown ups always pushed him out of the room when they wanted to talk, but Zayn and Danny seemed completely open despite James being in earshot. They talked a little about Liam in between deciding which shops to visit first, Zayn ultimately deciding they would do the fun clothes shopping before picking up the school uniform last. They talked a lot about Ant and some girl he was seeing, they both seemed glad that he wasn't 'messing about' anymore. James didn't understand what that meant. He didn't truthfully understand half the things they discussed, but it left him no less fascinated.

The quiet, neighbourhood-like area that Zayn and Liam lived in soon went away as they headed further in to the heart of London. Zayn was surprised when he noticed how James looked in wonder at some of the taller buildings. He realized that James probably didn't have many opportunities to see much of the city, most of his placements had been in different neighbourhoods along the outskirts. The group home had been the one exception, they found out it was located deep in one of the rougher parts of Hackney.

"Shoreditch s'not too far from where you used to live." Zayn mentioned over his shoulder.

"Doubt he spent much time in this part of Shoreditch." Danny laughed, glancing at James momentarily through the mirror.

James agreed with him. The nice shops and restaurants were a long ways away from the things he remembered before coming to live with Liam and Zayn.

 _____________________________________________________________________________

Danny and James followed behind Zayn as he led them along the damp streets. The rain from the past few days finally reached an end, but everything was left soggy. They lucked up in finding parking relatively close to where they would visit, meaning less time out in the bitter cold and dodging questionable puddles.  
  
Danny made sure that James remained between him and Zayn as they walked. He repeatedly switched between looking over his shoulder and straining his neck to look up ahead. Years of being by Zayn's side taught him to never fully relax. Somewhere in his adult life, Zayn grew to better accept the attention he received out in public. Danny couldn't quite boast the same. Things weren't exactly as they were in the innocent bachelor years of their late teens and early twenties. The hype surrounding Liam and Zayn changed dramatically. After coming out as a couple, a newfound interest in them erupted. People saw them less as former members of One Direction and almost entirely as the new celebrity romance to analyze and evaluate.

"Might want to pull your hood up, Zed." Danny mumbled, thankful to see the side street they inhabited was next to empty.

Zayn quickly complied, unsure why he hadn't thought to cover his head much sooner. He glanced behind at James, noticing the determined look he wore as his short legs used twice the effort to match the pace set by their adult strides.

"Almost there." Zayn assured as they rounded a corner.

James never batted an eye when they passed by various storefronts only to enter a quieter side alley filled with back doors. They stopped just past a dumpster to wait outside one of the non-descript black doors. James felt increasingly concerned with not getting in the way. He didn't know who to walk beside or stand close to. Zayn looked very preoccupied with everything and Danny was still so unfamiliar. He also didn't understand why they weren't speaking, but just looking around as if someone might be looking for them.

The wind felt heavily intensified in the tunnel-like conditions of the alleyway. As Zayn sent a quick text on his mobile, he noticed James not very subtly mimicking the way Danny stood with his hands crammed deep in his pockets. They waited a moment longer in the assaulting wind, shoulders hunched and heads ducked low, before the large black door nearest them opened.

A young woman with white hair and a wide smile greeted them. James noticed her teeth were almost as blinding as he hair.

"Good to see you!" She beamed.

Zayn's hands fell to James' shoulders, gently ushering him inside. "Thanks so much for doing this, Leigh." He gushed.

Upon Liam's and Danny's insistence, Zayn agreed to call ahead to a few shops and request some favours to browse in private. He hated the idea of requesting special treatment, but felt placated when Liam convinced him it was a safety concern for James above all else. Zayn frequented Leigh's different shops in London for years. He had been one of her biggest clients for nearly a decade. There was enough trust built up in their relationship to know she would protect his privacy. 

Leigh stepped aside for the three of them to enter, brushing off Zayn's words with a dismissive wave. "The least I could do, honestly."

They filtered through the cramped back hallway and out into a large store room. Numerous tables and shelves were stacked with clothes and different vintage toys. The windows at the room's front were covered by thick, ceiling-to-floor black curtains to block off the view from the busy street outside. The walls were a crisp white that suggested even breathing too closely would dirty them forever. They were led by Leigh to stand in the middle of the dark wood floors. The polish on the inky black boards created a warped reflection of everything standing above.

"Who's this then?"

Danny watched from the side as the attention in the room fell to James. Leigh nodded down at him, her bright smile softening to something more toned down. Zayn's hands fell to rest on James' shoulders again when he took a cautious step back into his legs.

"This is James. He's with me." Zayn gave a quick introduction with a tone of polite finality. There wasn't much room left for questions.

If Leigh was confused by the lack of information given, she didn't reveal anything. Her face never faltered for a moment as she quickly nodded down at the boy sticking close to Zayn's side.

"Nice to meet you, James." She spoke quietly to him. Her eyes flicked over to where Danny stood awkwardly off to the side, distractedly winding up an old tin robot. "Nice to see you again, Danny."

Danny spun around, fumbling a bit with the toy in his hands. "Cheers, Leigh." He mumbled before quickly setting the in-motion robot on the table behind his back.

"You're allowed to play, you know." Leigh smirked at the sound of the toy clacking against the table as it continued to unwind itself.

Danny nodded as he tried to smoothly slip the still-walking robot under a pile of shirts.

"Right then." Leigh looked back to Zayn, her face lighting up before she took off for the table with the largest display. "Let me show you some of the new things that arrived. I'll get his sizes and we can work from there."

Zayn followed behind Leigh, beckoning for James to come along as well.

Leigh fired off information about the newest designs they managed to get in and Danny watched from nearby as Zayn tried his best to feign listening. He nodded along appropriately whenever something was explained to him, but his eyes repeatedly flicked down to James. Danny noticed the subtle way the boy tensed when Leigh stooped to measure his narrow waist. He noticed even more how Zayn's hand reached out for the base of James' neck in a manner that was purely instinctive. James stilled, the touch being enough to reassure him from jerking away.

Danny saw the effort James put forth to maintain a certain level of distance between himself and everyone else. He seemed to only ever let that rule of distance be broken by Liam or Zayn, and that was only in the context of being surrounded by newer and stranger strangers. He didn't know if things were easier when the three of them were at home alone.

In Zayn's eyes, taking James shopping could have worked out a number of different ways. Initially, he wasn't certain if the experience would prove to be positive or negative. James clearly hadn't been taken out in public much before, and certainly never shopping for himself. He couldn't really understand that the entire day was for him. His eyes doubled in size at the various trinkets and novelties he spied in Leigh's shop, never grasping that he was welcome to request a few for himself.  
  
Getting James to actually make choices or voice an opinion towards something proved to be near impossible. Zayn tried in the beginning to let James navigate the trip by asking him to pick whatever caught his eye first. He liked the idea of James being able to make simple decisions for himself, but immediately realized that level of freedom teetered on being overwhelming. When encouraged to run towards anything he liked, James chose instead to timidly stand close to Zayn, looking up as if in need of further instruction.

Danny, after watching this exchange repeat itself for a third time in the same shop, stepped forward to encourage some real decision making. With a sigh, he grabbed two pairs of child-sized Doc Martens and held them out to James. "Red or black?" He asked simply.

James blinked, his mind shifting from considering an enormous wall of possibilities to now only having to decide between two. A corner of his mouth turned up in a faint smile before he pointed at the black pair of boots.

Danny smirked triumphantly at Zayn. "Can't wait around all day, can we?" He chided.

Zayn countered with a brief sneer at Danny before he squatted to find the correct size for James. Truthfully, he was pleased that at least one clear decision had been made. The day would be painfully long for all of them if they never broke away from their current sail's pace. Finding a pair of decent boots for the cold was at least a start.

James' interest in picking out clothes only held for the better part of thirty minutes. He knew he was meant to stay close to Zayn, but it was boring staying in one spot while Zayn was busy picking out boring things like trousers and button down shirts. James began to fidget where he stood, but that fidgeting slowly escalated to him inching away to inspect one of the antique toy cars on the nearest table.

"Do you want to race them?"

James spun around at Danny's voice. He froze in place, uncertain if he wanted to run back to Zayn or just keep staring blankly at Danny until he went away.

Danny shook his head in exasperation as he reached behind James for one of the cars. "Has to be shown how to have fun, this one..."

James maintained a comfortable distance and stood behind the corner of a tall display table to watch Danny grab different toys from the shelves. He remained partially hidden, watching in amazement as no one yelled to reprimand Danny as he set up the wind-up cars to crash in to each other. Leigh and Zayn never so much as glanced over, continuing to talk about whatever clothes James needed as Danny lined up toy robots to march across the race paths of the wind-up cars.

The remainder of the shop visit was split up in the same fashion. James hid back behind different tables and displays to not-so-subtly snicker and watch. Danny purposefully pulled every toy he could find down from the shelves, pretending to play by himself in hopes that James would feel comfortable enough to join. That never happened, but the he looked content to be entertained by Danny's antics while Zayn finished paying for everything.

 _____________________________________________________________________________

  
Their exit from the alleyway was meant to be swift, smooth, and undetected. The district they were in had become much busier since they arrived, with traffic steadily picking up out on the roads. Danny formulated a plan for Zayn and James to wait inside for him until he drove around and parked by the alleyway's entrance.

Just after ensuring that James' coat was properly buttoned, Zayn received a text from Danny stating he was parked just outside and had spotted a small group of photographers huddled nearby.

Zayn regretted that James didn't have a hood of some sort to pull over his head. He stood with his brow furrowed for a moment before realizing he had picked out a couple of new beanies just a few minutes ago. Zayn quickly set one of the large shopping bags down to dig around for one of the small garments. After a moment of plundering and mild annoyance, he managed to retrieve a black beanie from the very bottom of the bag.

"C'mere, Jai." Zayn motioned before stooping to carefully tug the knit cap over the boy's dark hair.

James looked up, face scrunched in confusion.

"What?" Zayn lightly deadpanned. "It's freezing outside. Let's go." He hefted the two bags of shopping off the floor before saying a final goodbye to Leigh. Together, he and James slipped out the back door of the shop and out into the windy alley.

Danny met them just outside. "Need to hurry, lads. Did a bit of an illegal parking manoeuvre." He grimaced while taking one of the shopping bags.

"Oh, nice." Zayn muttered as they shuffled down to the SUV. The vehicle was indeed popped up over the curb and partially on to the pavement. As they reached nearer to the mouth of the alleyway, the sounds of Zayn's name being called could be heard distinctly over the wind and traffic.

James paused just a few meters from the entrance, looking worriedly from Zayn to the handful of men standing ready with large cameras.

Danny and Zayn both stopped in their tracks, turning to look back at James who now seemed hesitant to move any further.

"Zed..." Danny spoke softly, but his meaning was clear. They needed to move quickly before a swarm of real public attention formed around them. He didn't want to be pushy, but paps were notorious for drawing crowds.

"S'fine. I've got it." Zayn dismissively waved over his shoulder.

"At least give me this." Danny mumbled before taking both large shopping bags. He turned towards the street and steadily made way over to the SUV, disregarding the clicks of camera shutters that erupted.

Zayn's hand rested on the base of James' neck, ushering him to stand close. "Y'okay?" He asked, eyes flicking from the alleyway entrance to James' face.

James wouldn't look at Zayn, but remained focused on the people slowly gathering around the SUV. His brow furrowed, some number of unvoiced questions floating around his head.

"It's okay, there's just a few more people now that things are busier." Zayn assured while offering his hand.

James refused to move, ignoring the hand held out to him. He didn't understand what was happening around them, but it didn't look like the people buzzing around the end of the alleyway were anything normal. Danny was busy loading the bags into the back of the SUV at a noticeably hurried pace. James felt like he was becoming the cause of frustration, because clearly he wasn't moving fast enough for anyone.

"You want me to carry you, then?" Zayn offered calmly.

James looked away from the SUV and took the time to make direct eye contact and adamantly shake his head. He bit down on his lip, noticing that Zayn wasn't yanking him along or growing angry for his indecision. James exhaled before reaching out to grip onto the end of Zayn's coat. "I'll walk." He affirmed with minimal confidence.

Zayn's thumb smoothed over a bit of skin at the back of James' neck. "That's fine, mate." He nodded. "It's all right. I'm going to stay close to you." Zayn spoke quietly as he ushered James out towards the street. He tried not to over think the way James refused his hand. Zayn knew it was purely instinctual behaviour and nothing to do with him or his actions, but it made him fearfully wonder about what took place in the past to put that hesitation in James.

Once they passed out of the alley and on to the pavement, Danny made to climb into the driver's seat.

Zayn tried not to feel hurried as he shuffled past the clicking cameras carried by people calling his name. Three or four paps milling around didn't count as something to grow fussed over, he reminded himself. He nodded politely at one of them before pulling open the backdoor. Just as James was about to clamber up into the backseat, Zayn became increasingly aware of a man pressing in closer than necessary. His camera clicked away as he took a step closer, invading Zayn's personal space to snap photos over his shoulder.

James paused once more, standing frozen on the foot rail of Danny's SUV. He glanced over his shoulder worriedly at the man closing in on them, ignoring the quiet commands telling him to turn around and get in.

Zayn used his body as a shield. Without thinking, he bent down and wrapped his arm around James' middle and hefted him up into the backseat. James emitted a soft gasp at the sudden close contact, causing a sincere, quietly mumbled 'sorry' to slip past Zayn's lips. He felt awful for passing on his own stress and worries.

"Go on and buckle yourself in." Zayn instructed as James stared at him in confusion. He started to repeat himself, but noticed instead how the boy's gaze was now fixed on the man who refused to back up.

Listening to Danny's soft demands to get in, Zayn quickly shut the door to the backseat. He whipped around, holding his ground against the pap purposefully encroaching on his space. Zayn confidently brushed past, refusing to provide the reaction the man was trying to draw out of him. Ignoring the small crowd that had gathered around, he clambered in to the SUV.

As they drove away, James wanted so badly to ask what had happened and find out who those people were. He looked from Danny to Zayn, both disregarding him as they navigated away from the busy shopping district. James didn't understand why they acted as if he wasn't even there. Several times he felt so close to speaking up and demanding an explanation. His mouth would open and the beginnings of a question would sit at the top of his throat, but no sound came out. Feeling defeated, he chose to remain quiet.

Before long, Danny started to joke around like nothing had happened. Zayn didn't reply much to the attempts at banter, seemingly busy with the texts he was sending to Liam. At one point, he looked over his shoulder to James in the back seat. Zayn felt horrible at the amount of confusion still spread across the boy's face. At five, James could tell when he was out of the circle from something everyone else understood. Zayn turned completely around in his chair to grip James' knee, assuring him quietly that they would stop for food soon.

 _____________________________________________________________________________

Getting James' school clothes was a much quicker and streamlined process. Zayn felt a smile tugging on his lips as they walked in, and not out of amusement, but from pure relief. An older gentleman sat behind the desk of the tiny uniform shop, meaning little to no fuss would be made over them. He stood slowly from his stool, his old limbs shaking with the effort.

"Can I help you gentlemen?" He called politely.

Danny had to bite back a laugh as Zayn stepped forward with James. "Yes, we need to pick up a uniform and PE kit for Lion House."

The man pulled on the glasses hanging from the chain around his neck. He squinted for a moment at James before turning away to the racks of clothing off to the side of the shop floor. Immediately, his wrinkled hands went for one of the checked nursery smocks on the nearest rack.

Zayn noticed the look of horror on James' face at the idea of being dressed like a nursery school student. Knowing he had to step in, he softly cleared his throat. "Sorry, he's in the primary school. He needs the regular uniform."

The old man turned and peered at James once more, a brief expression of disbelief crossing his features before he recovered. "Do forgive me. I'm normally quite good at guessing their size, but it gets confusing when they're as tiny as him." He apologized before crossing over to the next rack.

James made no effort to hide his scowl as the shop keeper found the correct sizes. He crossed his arms over his chest before turning away. James trudged over to wait by the door.

"All right, small man?" Danny asked as James rubbed the toe of his trainer into the poor excuse for carpet. The boy lifted his face from the floor to shoot the same scowl in Danny's direction. James' sour expression only deepened when Danny laughed before looking over to Zayn to share a grin.

Quickly, a stack of jumpers, shirts, trousers, and PE shorts with the correct school logo grew high at the register. Zayn paid for the items just as the shaky old man finished bagging them. He purchased three of everything, just to ensure that James would have backups if something tore or became dirty beyond repair. There was a small temptation to go ahead and buy the next size up as well, in the event that James experienced a growth spurt in the next few months. As much as Zayn would have liked to plan ahead for such a welcomed surprise, he knew it was better to hold off. James' time with them wasn't guaranteed. Holly was meant to switch the placement status from emergency to long-term within two weeks time, but it was hard to look too far ahead until that crucial step was completed.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Liam returned home in the early evening to the smell of dinner hanging in the air. He stomped his boots clean in the entryway before shrugging off his coat. A quick glance down the hallway confirmed James was in his room. His bedroom light shined all alone down at the very end. Liam traipsed through the living room and dining area to the kitchen, finding Zayn facing a steaming skillet.

Liam thumped his phone loudly enough down onto the table to draw Zayn's attention to his presence.

Clad only in a beanie, sweatpants, and one of Liam's t-shirts, Zayn turned away from the sizzling grilled chicken.

Liam made sure the noise he made low in his throat was audible as he approached. He had a possessive streak that Zayn unknowingly and knowingly triggered. The sight of Zayn in his clothes was more than enough to grab Liam's attention. Despite the way he sauntered over, the soft smile on Liam's lips soon faltered as he stepped closer. Something in him registered the way Zayn ignored his suggestive eyes and body language, almost stiff in the way he accepted the kiss and embrace Liam offered.

"How were the shops with little man, then?" Liam murmured, letting his knuckles brush through Zayn's facial hair.

"Went easy enough." Zayn offered as he pulled back.

"Did he like it? Being out with you and Dan?" Liam continued as he reached around Zayn to lower the burner's heat.

Zayn shrugged, making a face as Liam started to fret over the food on the stove as if it were in danger of burning. "Yeah. Wanted to keep close to me and that, but he seemed okay with everything."

Liam let Zayn take the spatula back from his hand, noticing the way he scratched at his neck.

"Did something happen?"

Zayn took the plate Liam was now offering him, carefully taking the lightly browned chicken breasts off the heat. "Some paps caught wind of us out near Shoreditch."

Liam's eyebrows formed a line. "Wasn't bad, was it?"

Zayn shook his head, looking up to make the first bit of assuring eye contact all evening. "Weren't even a proper handful of them, but there was just this one who wouldn't back up."

"Was James okay?" Liam found himself demanding. He was surprised at how so few details could make him feel so quickly defensive.

"We need to talk to him." Zayn muttered quietly as he carried the dirty frying pan over to the sink. "It's not that he was terrified or anything. I mean, he was nervous about the people, but I think it's the confusion that bothered him."

"Has he been in his room all day?"

"Yeah." Zayn admitted over the sounds of running water and his scrubbing. "He didn't understand why there was so much commotion and why I didn't acknowledge the people shouting my name."

"Right." Liam nodded, trying to keep himself from believing that they've already irreversibly traumatized their foster son before the end of his first week. "So, what did you tell him?"

"That's the thing..." Zayn trailed off as he set the pan aside, a hint of guilt resting in the way he sighed. "I still haven't said anything yet."

"Nothing?" Liam clarified.

"I know it's not right to let him be so confused, but I really need you there for that conversation."

Liam nodded. He understood the initial hesitation, but it wouldn't be fair if they didn't soon explain several things to James about their work. "Can't put it off anymore, though." Liam spoke softly as Zayn chopped away at an onion near the sink. "It's our life and it's going to become his."

"Right." Zayn stopped to meet Liam's eyes over his shoulder. "But, with school tomorrow there's a full enough plate."

"Tomorrow after school, then. Before dinner." Liam decided, glad to see Zayn give a quick nod in agreement. Just before exiting the kitchen to change into house clothes, Liam stepped directly into Zayn's personal space, keeping him from dodging away. "It's going to be fine."  He insisted, the words warm off his lips. "You hear me?" He pressed a bit further when Zayn never met his eyes.

"Yeah, Li."

Liam let his hand squeeze at Zayn's hipbone. "I'm not having you take over all the worrying for us, love. Doesn't suit you."

_____________________________________________________________________________

Sometime after dinner Liam went around and did everything in his power to make waking up and getting ready tomorrow as stress free as possible. He helped James neatly set out his complete school uniform across his desk chair. Together, they packed his backpack with his PE kit and supplies. Liam almost went ahead and pre-packed James' lunch, but Zayn put his foot down, insisting that was a bit overeager and would only result in soggy sandwiches. Liam reluctantly agreed after a bit of gentle scolding that he was too over zealous and packing the lunchbox could wait until morning.  
  
After giving James another half hour to play around in his bedroom, Zayn finally directed him off towards the bathroom to prepare for bed. Liam milled about the kitchen, making sure the washing up was completed and the table was wiped down. Finally satisfied, he padded quietly down to James' bedroom to double check everything was ready. He flicked the light switch to find half the contents of James' toy box strewn about. Liam noticed the brief twinge of joy he felt at seeing a slightly messy bedroom. He worried that James often acted a bit too behaved, so seeing a few toys across the floor was oddly reassuring. James wasn't always such a little stern soldier. He was five and did five year-old things.

Liam went about and started to gather the few action figures laying on the floor, tossing them back into the toy chest. A few plastic dinosaurs were half hiding under the bed, making Liam wonder what imaginary game James constructed with them. Deciding to let the dinosaurs be in their cave, he stooped to turn a bucket of Duplo bricks upright. Liam paused when he noticed something that wasn't a brightly coloured plastic brick sitting in the bottom. The bagel from the other morning, now hard like a rock, sat partially hidden away under bricks. A pit of dread formed in Liam's stomach. He knew they needed to have a conversation with James about his food hoarding, he just forgot that it needed to be so soon.

Quickly, Liam plucked the stale bagel from the bucket. He made quick work of putting all of the Duplo pieces back inside and setting the bucket in the toy chest. He went back out to the hallway, hearing the tell-tale signs of James brushing his teeth, signalling that he was out of the bath and dressed for bed.

Zayn stood outside the bathroom's doorway, and Liam could tell by his body language that he was trying really hard to only supervise. They both noticed at various points over the past few days how little James knew about personal hygiene. He was familiar with the motions of taking a bath and brushing his teeth, but didn't really have the experience of doing either task properly on his own. If someone didn't stand to watch, soap and toothpaste became optional as James often selected to douse himself with only water.  
  
Liam stood just in front of the doorway, ensuring he remained out of James' view. Zayn was laughing at some sort of mess James was making, but he paused when the sound of Liam subtly sucking his teeth caught his attention.  
  
Zayn turned, a small grin still stretched across his features. "Yeah, babe?"

Liam nodded down at the bagel in his hand, wordlessly directing Zayn's gaze to follow.

Zayn's lips pressed together in a tight line. Clearly he had also forgotten that they agreed to talk to James about his food hoarding.

"Get him in bed, I'll be there in a minute." Liam mumbled before quickly slipping past and walking out towards the kitchen.

"Rinse that out and turn the light off." Zayn softly instructed to James just as Liam rounded the corner.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________________  
  
Zayn felt an undeniable pit of dread in his stomach as he led James down the hallway towards his bedroom. He knew it was only a talk and that they weren't going to be stern or deliver any type of discipline, but it still felt like playing the role of the bad parent.  
  
James stopped in the middle of the floor when they entered his bedroom, he hadn't expected to see all of his toys cleared away. Zayn watched him eye around the room, noticing in particular the way he sucked in his lower lip as he stared over at the black and white toy chest against the wall. Zayn realized that James must have known something was going on, because he quickly looked over to his bed with eager eyes.

"I'm gonna go right to sleep." James rapidly insisted. "You don't need to stay."

Zayn shook his head, trying to find the words to combat whatever assumptions the boy had already cooked up in his head. "James, listen..." He sighed.

James didn't stop. He swiftly climbed atop his mattress and began jamming his legs under the covers, never once glancing over as he yanked the duvet up over his body.

"We need to talk about something again tonight." Zayn explained as he pulled out the desk chair. He turned it around and straddled across it backwards. "It won't take long. It's just something that we-" He paused as Liam appeared in the doorway.

James went still, recognizing the strange air in the room. Both Liam and Zayn seemed serious, and he had a feeling he knew why. Now that Liam had joined him, he felt that much more nervous. From the very first meeting, James always imagined tall and strong Liam would be the one to get angry the most. He began to wonder if by now Zayn and Liam were wishing they hadn't agreed to take him.

"You're not in any trouble." Zayn struggled to assure.

"Yeah." Liam agreed softly as he stepped inside. "We're not upset or angry."

Those words didn't seem to provide any comfort to James, who now looked to be well situated in a state of unease. His hands fidgeted before they clasped together atop the duvet. He remained silent as his eyes actively flicked around the room, trying to find something safe to fixate on.

"It's just that Zayn and I noticed you like to sneak food away into your room." Liam continued. He felt an inward twitch of guilt at using the word 'sneak', wondering if maybe that sounded too accusatory. Liam noticed how Zayn sat back away from James' bed on the desk chair. It occurred to him that maybe he should be doing the same, something about sitting seemed much less menacing.

"We found that bagel from yesterday." Zayn stated carefully, mindful that the tone and pitch of his voice needed to be delicate. He tried to keep his body language casual, as well. His feet scooted his chair around in a lazy back-and-forth motion.

The mention of the bagel made James' eyes quit darting from distraction to distraction and snap over to Zayn. "Liam said I could have it." He shakily insisted. "It was mine."

Zayn nodded. "I know, but..." He glanced over at Liam, who was now sitting on the ground with his back leaning against the door of the wardrobe. The room hovered in silence for a moment before Zayn found the words to continue with. "We really don't want you to feel like you need to keep food in your room."

James sat up on his bed, his legs curled beneath him. He looked over at Liam, his little head nodding as he tried to encourage some kind of backup or agreement from him. "You said I could have it. You-"

"Yeah, I did." Liam supplied. "I thought you were going to eat it."

James looked down, a soft gulp sounding from his throat. "I wanted to keep it." He stated innocently. He was still very much stuck on the underlying fact that Liam gave something _to him_ and therefore it must have been _his_ to do whatever he pleased.

Zayn shared another glance over to Liam, wordlessly deciding who would speak next.

"It's just..." Liam started, trailing off as James looked expectantly at him.

"It worries us, mate." Zayn supplied.

"Did you take it?" James suddenly looked over at his closed toy chest with anxious eyes. "Is it still there?" 

"No, it was hard as a rock. No one could have eaten it. I had to throw it out." Liam said, his face sad as he watched an almost animalistic, scavenger-like instinct take over James. "If we kept it in the kitchen, wrapped it up, it would have lasted longer. You can't keep it at the bottom of-"

"You took it." James' eyes formed partial slits as he now glared at Liam. "It was mine." He reiterated.

Zayn sighed, shaking his head tiredly. "Jai...you're going to have rats in your room if you keep food in here."

James refused to look anywhere but down at his lap.

"We're not upset, James." Liam urged.

"I didn't steal it." He insisted, voice strained with the tears that were threatening to fall.

Zayn looked torn between maintaining the distance he established and crossing over to comfort James. He didn't feel right with either option. "We don't think you stole anything. That's not what we're saying." He soothed.

"We just want to show you that things are different here." Liam added. "There's no need to hide things away to ensure that they're still around for tomorrow."

"You don't have to always be looking out for yourself like that, Jai." Zayn spoke. "We look after you now."

Liam stood slowly from his spot against the wardrobe front. "Go on and lie down." He nodded.

James wiped the back of his hand over his eyes before burrowing himself down under his covers. He kept his chin tucked toward his chest as he turned over on his side. He didn't like the feeling of Zayn's or Liam's eyes on him.

"It's okay to feel upset, James. I can understand that." Liam murmured as he knelt down before the bed. "Everything's fine, though. I promise."

James listened quietly, never lifting his eyes to look at Liam.

"Get loads of sleep, okay? You're starting school tomorrow and I really think you're going to like it." Liam remained undeterred by the obvious sign of rejection, much to his own surprise. He stood slowly to his full height, spotting James' stuffed monkey wedged between the bed and the nightstand. He plucked the toy free, carefully slipping it under the duvet to rest beside James.

The moment Liam stepped out, James lifted his head from the pillow, staring after the door that had been softly closed.

Zayn remained seated on the small desk chair. "You okay?" He asked.

James didn't hesitate to make eye contact. He nodded before resting his head back on his pillow, his thumb nail now being assaulted by his front teeth. Zayn realized that even after three days in their home, there was already a different level of trust James held between him and Liam. It hurt him to think of James going ahead and shoving them into categories of 'good guy' and 'bad guy' so soon.

Zayn slowly stood from the tiny chair, carefully rolling it back to it's proper place by the desk. He stepped towards James' bed and sat down along the edge, placing himself closer to James' head than his feet. In a moment of bravery, Zayn carded a hand through the soft tufts of dark hair sweeping down over James' forehead. He was rewarded when the boy didn't pull away, but rather watched his hand unsurely before finally relaxing against the touch.

"We're glad you're here with us, you know." Zayn whispered, still partially marveling over being able to give a direct act of mild affection to James. "Go to sleep. Liam will wake you up in the morning."

Zayn smoothed the duvet over James' shoulder before rising off the bed's edge. He crossed over to the wardrobe against the wall and reached up to flick on the tiny lamp resting on top. "I'm gonna leave this light on for you, okay?" He explained over his shoulder.

James nodded, linking his arm around the monkey Liam placed beside him.

"Good night, Jai." Zayn called as he flicked off the main light switch. He cracked the door behind him as he stepped out into the hall.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Zayn found Liam in the office, pouring himself a cup of tea from the electric kettle kept on the desk.

"Why do I feel like a jail warden?" Liam spoke without looking up.

Zayn crossed over to where he sat in front of the computer. He didn't say anything, but rather raked his hand against the short bristly hairs at the nape of Liam's neck. "It's fine, Li. He's okay." He murmured.

Zayn didn't feel right responding with the thought circling around his head, so he opted to let Liam seek all the reassurance he needed from his touch. Meanwhile he couldn't quell the idea of how maybe James was a bit too institutionalized. It disturbed Zayn to think that possibly one of the few familiar things to their five year old was the concept of a prison.

    


	7. Chapter 7

Their first time sending a child off to school was nothing like Zayn ever envisioned.

That morning, just as the sun began to rise, Liam managed to walk a stumbling James down the hallway and into the kitchen. By some miracle he succeeded in getting a suitable breakfast into James' stomach. Zayn rolled out of bed twenty minutes after the rest of the house and padded out quietly to the sun filled kitchen. He downed the piping hot coffee Liam handed him before marching James off to sort out his sleep hair and help him get dressed. It was only while watching James shove a toothbrush into his mouth that Zayn realized how eerily smooth everything was going. There were no tears, no arguments, no minutes spent coaxing a stubborn child out of his pyjamas and into school clothes. James seemed on complete autopilot, wordlessly following along as Liam and Zayn made sure he was fed and looking presentable.

After getting James dressed and ready, Zayn made sure he and Liam looked put together enough to be taken seriously. He didn't really look forward to being under any scrutiny from James' teacher or the other parents. He and Liam were by no means teen mums, but they were on the young side to have a five year-old.

A small argument ensued when Zayn forbade Liam from wearing a snapback. It was the sort of argument Liam wasn't admittedly that fussed over losing, he mostly just wanted to enjoy to the look of outright consternation Zayn was sure to give him. His husband didn't disappoint, either. Liam basked in the open mouthed glare fixed upon him before finally tossing the hat back with the others in their closet.

After being placated when Liam slipped on a nice plaid button up, Zayn stepped out of the bedroom to go check up on James. He found him looking himself over in the bathroom mirror, seemingly unaware for a moment or two that he was being watched. Between the dark circles under his eyes and his stiff body language, James looked like he was preparing for a funeral rather than his first day at a new primary school. In that moment, when James' tiny hands neatly tucked his polo collar under his school jumper, Zayn didn't see the antsy little boy who filled colouring books in record speed. He saw a stern faced little man and it made the first inklings of worry creep into his head. There were times when James abandoned every notion of being five and invoked the tired spirit of someone who had been on the planet far longer. Zayn felt he would prefer tears and tantrums over this behaviour that reminded him of a soldier being sent to the front lines. He could only guess as to what James was mentally preparing himself for.  
  
The distance to drive from their flat to Lion House took only minutes. Zayn wondered if they might ever be able to walk to James' school in the mornings. He knew it would depend on a lot of outlying factors, like waiting until the weather warmed up and finding a way to ensure minimal to no media attention, but the thought alone was charming. He and Liam wanted James to feel like he had two people completely in his corner when he went to school. They wanted to strive to be the last faces he saw before entering the building and the first ones to greet him when he came running out.  
  
Liam easily parked their car around the nearly deserted back of the school. James sat up tall in the backseat, vying against his seatbelt to see every little detail. He came readily when Liam helped him out of the car. His head was on a swivel as his backpack was slipped onto his shoulders. The warm orangey red bricks of this old building were so different from the blue-grey cement walls of his last school. As James walked with Zayn up a stone pathway to the back entrance, he realized that everything about this place was different. There certainly weren't little gardens lining the paths at his old primary school.

Liam led the way down the corridors of the building while Zayn and James walked steadily behind. It was unusual for this school to admit new pupils in the middle of a term, but the administration agreed after lengthy discussion to make an exception in James' case.  Liam and Zayn didn't fail to recognize what a blessing that was. Parents normally applied months in advance in hopes their child might get a spot at Lion House in the Fall.  
  
Everything about the school was small. There were less than 200 students in the primary and nursery programmes. The class sizes were half that of most London area primaries. They only went up to year 3, which guaranteed that the oldest children would only be scrawny 8 year-olds. The stories Liam and Zayn heard from James' various placements and his time in the group home made them reluctant to place him in an environment filled with too many older children.   
  
As they turned a final corner it became suddenly apparent that they entered the section dedicated to the younger primary students. The classrooms they passed were filled with tiny tables and chairs. The student work pinned up along the walls was no longer the more structured assignments involving numbers and letters, but replaced by brightly coloured artwork with oddly proportioned people and animals. Liam slowed as they reached James' classroom. A woman in her early forties stood outside pinning up drawings to a corkboard. They arrived nearly twenty minutes early, wanting James to meet his teacher and become situated at his seat without the eyes of his classmates pouring over him.  
  
Before Liam could politely clear his throat, Ms. Evans turned and spotted them. A smile came across her face as her eyes fell on James.

"Good morning there!" She greeted warmly.  
  
Even though Zayn knew she was a perfectly nice woman, he couldn't help the defensive instinct that flared up inside him. Much like the other day in Leigh's shop, his hand fell to rest on James' shoulder. Zayn knew it was silly to think such negative thoughts without reason, especially after Ms. Evans gave absolutely zero indication of being anything less than accommodating. He simply couldn't shake the feeling that the three of them did not look like the other families she normally encountered. There wasn't a bright faced little boy holding tightly to his or Liam's hand, skipping happily down the corridors. James stumbled alongside Zayn in a grave sort of manner from the moment they entered the school building. Now that they stood outside his classroom, he took in what were meant to be child-friendly surroundings with a furrowed brow and unsure eyes.  
  
Ms. Evans shook hands with Liam and Zayn before she finally knelt down to James' height. "And I take it that you're James, then."  
  
James could only manage a curt nod before he blindly reached for the bottom of Zayn's coat. His lips pressed firmly together as he struggled with the high level of attention focused directly at him. He tried to meet eyes with the new woman, but couldn't keep himself from meekly looking away to the safety of his shoes.

Zayn knew he probably should have encouraged more social behaviour, but his unabashedly selfish part basked in the small feeling of pride that came when James nervously clutched on to him. It was a marginal victory in the very separate and much larger battle of trying to get James to attach and trust. Manners could be damned for at least a short while.

"I'm glad you came so bright and early." Ms. Evans smoothly continued as she stood back to her full height. "All your classmates can't wait to meet you. Are you excited?"  
  
Liam and Zayn went from polite smiles to looks of matched horror as James very bluntly shook his head at the friendly woman.

Ms. Evans, much to her credit, never batted an eye. "Not the first time someone's felt that way." She laughed easily. "I promise you'll have fun."  
  
Liam's shoulders relaxed as they entered the well lit classroom. He felt better to see that James' teacher held a sense of humour, because they would all certainly need it.  
  
The classroom was set up like a home. There were no individual desks, but rather three small circular tables placed in the centre of the room. A pile of large cushions rested around an armchair in one of the front corners. Ms. Evans explained that was where students listened to stories or performed little plays. Toys were set up along the back wall, the most noticeable of which was a play house that Liam estimated four or five kids could easily fit inside. James no longer pretended to listen to Ms. Evans explain how students took their coats off by the cubby station in the morning, his eyes were roaming all along the colourful walls.  
  
"Do you want to come and find your seat, James?" Liam asked while motioning over to the cluster of tables.

After an encouraging nod from Ms. Evans, James crossed to Liam in the centre of the room. Together they walked around the outer edges of the tables, reading through the place markers for each child's name. Liam stopped when he spotted a neon-yellow laminated card bearing JAMES MASOUD in thick, black letters.  
  
"Do you think I could fit in one of these?" Liam asked as he pulled the seat next to James' out from the table. The boy watched with a healthy amount of scepticism as Liam lowered himself down. Liam's large body curled up as he balanced himself on the too narrow seat. He smiled at James as he scooted the little chair closer. Liam's knees towered over the table's edge. Spurred on by the quiet snickers coming from James, he scrunched forward to lean on his elbows, pulling dopey faces as he pretended to complete invisible school work.  
  
Zayn feigned to attentively listen as Ms. Evans rattled on about how refreshing it was to see both parents actively involved in their child's academics. He had been expertly nodding along as he watched Liam guiding James around the chairs to his proper seat, but was harshly yanked back into the conversation when his ears picked up the words _their child_ rolling from Ms. Evans' mouth. Zayn's mind locked in on that phrase, looping it over and over again until it felt like it transcended English and became nonsensical gibberish. _Their child._ If Zayn hadn't completely lost focus before, he definitely was gone when he noticed Liam foolishly sitting with his knees folded up near his face to wrestle a laugh from James. Despite the sound of blood rushing through his ears, Zayn was drowning in a mixture of fondness and mild terror. He and Liam really had one of life's ultimate responsibilities under their roof.  
  
Zayn's attention only snapped back to the present when he heard his name being called.

He turned around to see Liam pointing at his watch. _Fuck._ They needed to be going soon if they were going to miss the first influx of parents and students. Ms. Evans gave Zayn an understanding grin as he excused himself to join Liam and James. He squatted down by the boy's chair, noticing that James was no longer holding up a semi-passable mask of indifference. The nerves he very subtly displayed all morning were now clearly evident on his face.

"You good, Jai?" Zayn asked.

James looked worriedly at all of the unfilled seats around him. His brow furrowed before he looked over at Zayn. "Do I have to?" He whispered.

Zayn blinked, feeling equals bits of surprise and confusion. "Do you have to what?"

"Do I really have to stay?"

Zayn cupped the back of James' neck, concern forming when he felt the traces of goose bumps along his skin. "Yeah, but only for a short while."

"How long?" James asked with a note of impatience.

"Just until 2:30." Zayn assured.

"Do you see that clock there?" Liam directed James' attention to the large red clock on the front wall. "When the little hand gets to the two and the big hand is on the six, we'll be outside to pick you up."

Zayn nodded. "Promise you it will fly by."

James looked at the clock with an unconvinced expression. Numbers still confused him, especially on clocks. How was he supposed to remember what 2:30 looked like?

The obvious worry on James' face prompted a sudden idea from Zayn. He quickly dove into the backpack Liam neatly hung on the back of James' chair, searching around until he found the washable markers tucked into a tiny art box. "You want me to draw you a watch on your wrist so you'll remember?"

James considered the idea for only a moment before he finally nodded. Noticing the pleased looks this brought to Zayn and Liam's faces, he slowly offered out his left wrist.

Zayn's tongue pressed behind his teeth as he pushed up James' jumper sleeve. He gently sketched out a black outline of a watch face with the correct dismissal time, being sure to place it further up from James' hand so it wouldn't smudge.

"Make sure you don't get it wet when you're washing up for lunch." Liam reminded. 

James admired the makeshift timepiece he now sported just as a bell sounded from out in the hallway. He visibly jumped in his seat before snapping his head around to the classroom door. His lips pressed together in worry.

"You'll be fine, sweetheart." Liam soothed. "Look at all the toys there in the back. I bet you'll get free run of those today. It's going to be loads of fun."

Zayn nodded along. "We'll be right outside waiting to pick you up." He promised.

James looked from his foster parents to the watch sketched out on his slender wrist. It wasn't his first time at school, so he knew he shouldn't act like such a baby. It was just hard when he finally realized that Liam and Zayn were going to leave and he would be all alone with some lady he didn't know and a bunch of kids.

"Have a good day, babe. We'll see you soon, yeah?" Zayn spoke as he and Liam slowly got to their feet. Each of them passed a hand through his hair before saying their goodbyes to Ms. Evans and exiting the classroom.

Liam noticed James chewing away on his thumbnail when he cast a final look over his shoulder.  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
The quiet corridors they previously entered were now alive with activity as they exited the school. The early morning commotion was in full swing as the first throngs of parents and students began to trickle inside. Liam led the way through the maze of small and tall bodies, both of them being sure to avoid making eye contact with anyone. Most of the children they passed would be too young to care about Zayn or him. The parents would be the real trouble, they were the only ones old enough to remember what they were famous for. It was no secret in the school which well known couple recently enrolled a new child mid semester.

Zayn felt a bit dazed as he followed behind Liam. Hardly anyone gave them much notice as they passed through the halls, aside from the occasional double take from a random mum. Zayn felt like he was hyper aware of everything. The children running past him were deafeningly loud, full of happy shouts about trivial things like the snack packed away in their lunch bag or who they were going to sit next to in class. Parents were talking or texting away on their mobiles, mumbling the occasional word to whichever child clutched on to their unoccupied hand. Teachers stood in the doorways of their classrooms, trying to herd  pupils inside and into their seats. Despite the brisk way he and Liam slipped through the halls, despite the way he kept his eyes averted downward, Zayn felt _so_ painstakingly aware of everything. He wasn't sure why, but something about the teachers, the parents, and the children felt so foreign to him. All around were reminders of a very protected and secure universe. It was maybe a bit jarring after spending a weekend with a child from a background so alien to it all. James didn't skip anywhere. He didn't shout from joy or excitement. Until coming to live with them, Zayn doubted he was ever shuttled around in high-end vehicles like the ones they found lining up outside to drop children off.

Liam guided himself and Zayn out of the school's back entrance and toward the car park. They made it to the safety of their car without incident. Gravel crunched underneath the tires as Liam pulled out onto the much busier streets, taking the proper directions out of their neighbourhood and toward Zayn's studio on the East side.

Liam noted on the drive across the city that Zayn's mood was in a strange funk. When he asked if they should stop for coffee, he only received a non-committal grunt in reply. Liam naturally asked for Zayn to repeat himself, but that only produced a short and clipped 'no'.  
  
As they made their way through morning traffic, it was a real battle for Liam to not say anything. Zayn was gazing out the window in silence, only ever looking away to change the song his Iphone's shuffle stopped on. What was most infuriating was that he never let one song play longer than thirty seconds before his thumb began to impatiently tap at the next button. It was the sort of behaviour that made Liam feel torn between wanting to scream and wanting to perform a spontaneous slam-on-the-breaks-seat-belt-check.  
  
Of course, Liam did neither. He didn't really have that sort of malice in him, so he chose to sit patiently in central London traffic and hold his tongue. He respected that Zayn was a grown man who could open up when he felt like it.

The studio space Zayn owned was located in North East London, far away from their home and James' school. Zayn bought the loft years ago before they married. He gutted out the inside and converted the space so he could have somewhere to paint and do graffiti murals in his spare time. Instantly after taking a break from One Direction, Liam and Zayn went off in different creative directions to explore the things they never were able to give proper attention to before. While Liam went directly into music production and song writing, Zayn dabbled around in a less focused manner. He started receiving scripts for possible film roles, created a few art pieces for charity auctions, there was even talk of him recording a mix tape with some indie R&B producer. Zayn never stayed locked down on one project for long before he darted to another. For right now at least, his focus was on painting.

Liam cherished the time he was able to spend lying around on the old leather sofas in Zayn's studio. There was something nostalgic about splitting the day between playing Grand Theft Auto in the front lounge and sneaking around to the back to watch shirtless Zayn slap colour onto blank walls. This was how they used to spend their days off from touring, secretly holed up in Zayn's old North London home.

Once they were out of the cold and inside the loft space, Zayn instantly retreated to his back graffiti room. Liam could hear his boots incessantly stomping around the bamboo floors. By now he knew it was better to not interfere, but rather let Zayn go off alone to work out whatever it was that was bothering him. Liam lowered himself down onto the large leather sofa, ready to distract himself with FIFA for however long would be necessary. That plan was foiled shortly after the game's main title screen appeared. Zayn came stomping out of the back and began pacing around the loft's mini kitchen. Liam listened to him mumble incoherently about not being able to find a palette knife anywhere for all of forty seconds.

"Are you actually going straight to work this very instant?" He finally asked over his shoulder.

Zayn stopped in his hunting, spinning around to shoot a hard look over at Liam. "Yeah. Is that not all right?"

Liam shook his head, never turning around from the TV. "Never said that. Just thought you'd want to join me."

"I came here to be productive." Zayn countered.

Liam knew Zayn heard the purposeful sigh that left his lips. He knew it got under Zayn's skin, judging by the way he promptly turned on his heel and retreated down the short hallway to his work room. He didn't know why he felt that he and Zayn could have a nice cuddle on the couch and talk about their feelings like adults. Why would Zayn ever make anything that simple for either of them? _Fuck me,_ Liam inwardly groaned as the sounds of FrankOcean filtered from the back of the loft and out into the front sitting area. Zayn Malik may have excelled in many areas of life, but perhaps his greatest achievement was in the department of sulking.  
  
Liam was too angered to enjoy the mindless distraction of video games. He abandoned the controller in his hand for his phone, beginning to scroll through his messages just as a way to fidget. After mostly seeing messages from work and one from his mum, Liam let his frustration get the better of him as he threw down his mobile. Almost suggesting the device was crying out from a physical wound, the ring tone Liam used for Harry's number erupted from where it landed on the far cushion.

Liam stretched himself to reach his phone, stabbing at it with his thumb before pressing it to his cheek. "Yeah?"  
  
"That's no way to greet someone, Liam. Really."

Liam stared up at the pipes and wood beams adorning the loft's high ceiling. "How are you, mate?" His second attempt was dry, but at least he made an effort.

"Better than you, by the sounds of it." Harry remarked with no shortage of amusement.

Liam had no trouble inferring that Harry was in the middle of driving. The too hushed background noise and the slower than normal rhythm Harry used to speak were dead giveaways. Harry Styles easily lived a quarter of his life in a vehicle. If not out socializing, he drove aimlessly to fill the hours in his day.

"Just had a busy morning." Liam supplied. "Dropped James off at his new school today."

"Oh yeah?" The enthusiasm from Harry's end was so genuine. Liam wanted to shove the phone to Zayn's ear and make him study what a positive attitude sounded like so there was no excuse for him not to have an example for future reference. "How is he?" Harry continued. "When you going to bring him 'round?"

 _Hell if I know,_ Liam thought to himself. He wondered if he should even begin to explain to Harry that James didn't yet know he or any of their other band mates existed.  "Soon-ish." He replied. Liam Payne became ever the king of non-committing after marrying Zayn. "You're definitely in the queue. There's just a massive amount of grandparents and aunties who have first claim."

"Yeah, 'course." Harry hadn't earnestly been listening. He obviously was struggling to divide his attention between Liam and the road. "But listen, Li," He continued on, "You and Zayn ought to bring him 'round for a proper introduction. Like, soon." 

Liam nodded. "Yeah, it's in the works. Just can't guarantee a date." 

"How are you and Zayn managing, by the way?" Harry brightly switched topics. "They always say how little ones can divide you if you aren't careful."

"Uh, average, I suppose. Don't really have much of a meter to judge us on." Liam wanted to vent. He wanted to vent so badly about his husband but hated how he was always the type to need permission. Even when the world piled all of its shit on Liam, he never felt like he had the right to complain unless someone close sat him down and gave the go-ahead. He wanted to talk about how ridiculous Zayn behaved and have a proper rant for once. He just couldn't bring himself to ask. He pleaded internally for Harry to just conclude and make the step for him. _Come on, intuitive bastard!_ Liam's mind screamed.

"Are things good, Li?" Harry innocently asked.

 _God bless you, Harry Styles._  
  
Liam exhaled before kicking his feet up on the coffee table. "We got a bit cross with each other after dropping James off this morning. Something's bothering Zayn and he's gone to have a sulk in his graffiti room."

"Just go talk to him." Harry supplied the obvious answer in a way that wasn't so directly insulting. Liam appreciated that. "You know how Zayn is. You have to chase him down to get his feelings out of him."

"He's just being really negative about James' first day. Like, I'm trying to make everything sound fun and exciting for James and he's not the least bit of help." 

"Can't be easy sending a kid off to school." Harry mused. "Don't you think he's just worried for him?"

"I don't know." Liam sighed. "I guess. Possibly?" Truthfully, Liam expected as much. They both struggled with watching James adjust to everything, but Zayn possibly felt that struggle a bit more than Liam.

"Feeling for others is kind of Zayn's shtick, bro." Harry added.

"Yeah. Yeah, it is." Liam admitted dejectedly.  
  
"Then go drag it out of him." Harry insisted. "It's what he wants you to do."

"Yeah, alright. Cheers, Haz."

"Sure, mate."

Liam pulled himself off the couch and made his way toward the humming of ventilation fans and the heavy bass drowning out FrankOcean's crooning. The fact that Zayn even heard him knock on the closed door seemed to supply a great bit of merit to Harry's argument. Liam hadn't struck the doorframe weakly, but it wasn't quite the sound a person picked up in that level of noise without anticipating beforehand. The music cut off instantly.

"Come in." Zayn called.

Liam left the door open as he stepped inside. It probably dug a bit under Zayn's skin, but Liam didn't really care. Even though he knew Zayn wore an air filter mask and kept his back room well ventilated, he still worried about the fumes. Besides, there wasn't anyone else around to hear them.  
  
"You okay?" Liam asked as he lowered himself to sit cross-legged on the drop cloth covered ground. He chose to stay a distance back from Zayn. It felt more supportive than diving down by his side and running the risk of smothering.

"Yeah, 'course." Came the mumbled reply. Zayn's back still faced Liam.

"I thought you were working on something." Liam continued carefully, sure to leave out any note of acidity or accusation. The only thing he wanted was for this conversation to start happening. Thanks to Zayn's clipped answers, he didn't quite know how else to continue.

Zayn shrugged before scratching at his head. "I was." He admitted slowly. "Not really going anywhere, though." 

"You wanna come sit out front with me?" Liam looked hopeful.

Somehow, Liam managed to coax Zayn out of the back and onto a sofa. He was tucked underneath Liam's arm, curled against him as they sat in an easy silence. Liam knew to let him be at this point. The hardest part of his battle was getting Zayn to just agree to sit with him and that was done. Everything else would come gradually on its own. So he felt okay just being quiet and letting Zayn unwind against him. He only ever broke the quiet to ask Zayn if he wanted anything, like tea or a smoke.

"Do you think it's fair?" Zayn finally blurted, his words muffled as part of his mouth was resting against Liam.

"What's fair?" 

Zayn sighed. "Do you think it's fair that he's with us? I mean, of all people for a kid to get landed with..."

"Why you saying this, love?" Liam's hand slipped up to cup the back of Zayn's head. The material of the beanie he wore felt soft and plush beneath his palm. "Cause I know it's not really you thinking that."

Zayn tucked his head lower. "He's going to feel so alone there, Liam." He admitted quietly. "Like, he's going to feel so by himself with all those kids."

"He'll make friends fine, babe. What's got you so worried all of the sudden?" Liam looked down at the man curled against him. Zayn looked so tired.

"That's not it." Zayn insisted. "Like, when we left and saw the people coming in, I don't know-- I just couldn't help but feel scared for him."

Liam didn't understand. "Scared for him?" He repeated. "He's starting primary, not his first day in the army."

Zayn didn't reply. He fidgeted a bit in a futile attempt to resettle and get comfortable. Liam watched him rub at his eyes before he finally gave up and slipped out of his grasp. Zayn drew himself up onto his feet and promptly began to pace. Liam watched from the sofa as Zayn's movements started out slow. He rolled his shoulders, taking a step toward the TV like he wanted something before pivoting on his feet and heading for the windows overlooking the street below.

"I think he's going to be fine." Liam offered from the sofa. "We spoke with his teacher and met with the counsellor. There are people looking out for him."

Zayn shook his head before he left the window. He scratched at the back of his neck as he slowly moved about from one end of the room to the other. His pace was leisurely, but it was still the fact that Zayn was actually bloody _pacing_ that had Liam's mind so blown. He couldn't think of a person that could work themselves into a knot quite like Zayn. It took a lot to get him into this kind of state, but once Zayn was worked up it took hours to unravel him back out.

"There's no one there like him. Like, that he can relate to, you know?" Zayn continued to move in that disjointed way that made his slow steps seem much quicker than they really were. Liam felt a bit dizzy watching him, wondering why he wasn't able to realize sooner just how upset Zayn was over everything. "They don't look like he does." Zayn finally added.

"Well, no, most of them don't." Liam admitted. "In fact, I think I only saw one black kid when we looked at the brochure." He laughed, but the look he received in response let Liam know that his attempt at humour wasn't appreciated. "To be fair, love, I don't think reception is the time in school where he's going to encounter racism just yet."

"You're going to tell me that?" Zayn asked disbelievingly, a finger pointing firmly into his chest as he stared at Liam. "I was once a brown five year-old."

"You're right." Liam quickly corrected himself. "You would know better than me. Sorry, I just mean that he's in a small class where a teacher can look after him better. Doesn't it make less of a chance for things like that?" 

Zayn looked unswayed. "Jai is just _so_ different from those kids. Not even because he's mixed. It's the things he's seen and been through." 

Liam nodded. "Yeah, I agree. But we're talking about having some mates to run around with in gym, right? It's not like-"

Zayn clearly wasn't listening. "He doesn't have a mum and dad who are lawyers and dentists. He lives with two men who aren't his parents. He's been in care for almost as long as he can remember, been told more times in his life that he's not wanted and not okay and not worth keeping!" His face was overcome by a pained sort of expression. His voice broke at one point and Liam felt almost personally responsible.

"Zayn..." Liam tried from the sofa. His eyes were level and calm, willing the man across from him to feel at ease once more.

Zayn only shook his head. "The other kids have been loved and nurtured and coddled through their entire lives." His hands clenched and unclenched. "James doesn't know what that's like, does he? To be loved and supported through everything." His shoulders slumped before he finally stopped pacing. "Fuck's sake." Came Zayn's tired exhale. "I guess it doesn't matter what goes wrong, does it? Because it's not like he'd say anything."

"That's what's really worrying you, isn't it?" Liam spoke, his voice soft as it drifted from the couch over to where Zayn stood a few feet away. "You're worried if anything goes wrong- grades, racism, nerves, bullying, whatever-- that he won't say a word."

"He won't." Zayn stated. "You know he won't."

"Babe..." Liam breathed. "Just, come here, will you? You're so far away and I can't stand talking to you like this."

Zayn turned and faced Liam full on. He stood stock still, refusing to take a step forward. It was a moment of defiance that reminded Liam of a child, and he wasn't about to hold that against him. Zayn couldn't handle the idea of someone hurting all alone. Liam got that. He knew Zayn was capable of taking another person's pain and internalizing it in a way that wasn't always the most beneficial.

"I really do think you're looking a little too far ahead right now." Liam reasoned, his tone gentle.

"He's not going to be like the other kids in reception." Zayn stated, pain still evident in his voice. "Jai's not scared of the same things they're scared of. His worries aren't like theirs."

"Maybe not." Liam agreed. "But I think right now you're acting like you can do all of the worrying for him. As if walking 'round and pacing the floors is going to protect him some how."

"It's just that I'm so sure something's going to go wrong, you know?"       

"No. You don't know that." Liam corrected. "Need you to c'mere now. Come on." He held his hand out in invitation.

Zayn crossed over dejectedly, letting himself flop down onto the cushions beside Liam.

Liam slipped his hand under Zayn's shirt, pressing his palm flat against his stomach. "I really wish you would have told me some of this sooner. I didn't know you felt all of that for so long."

Zayn turned his head to the side, frowning as he faced Liam. "Am I being ridiculous?"

"Maybe, but I don't think you can really help it." Liam smiled faintly, leaning forward to let his lips nibble at Zayn's jaw. "Not with a heart the size of yours, anyways." He slid his hand further up to Zayn's warm chest. "I have every possible school contact saved away in both of our phones, love. Go on and look if you don't believe me."

"Is that why you're not the one worried?" Zayn grumbled as he checked his own mobile.

Liam shrugged, his fingertips now running over the dips between Zayn's defined ribs. The soft bits of skin stretched between the bones felt smooth and warm. Everything grew a bit taught as Zayn slowly took in a deep breath. There was a pause before Zayn finally exhaled, a faint purr slipping past his lips that drew a grin from Liam.

"It just guts me to know that, like, if a bad thing's going to happen-I have to let it happen. I can't prevent it all." Zayn murmured.

Liam pushed them both to be horizontal on the cramped sofa. He was sure to let some of his weight rest on top of Zayn's chest, earning another deep sigh from the man as he willingly accepted the subtle force applied across his top. Liam served like an anchor to mentally and physically hold Zayn in place. Liam knew their size difference wasn't enough to risk hurting anything, but he was originally confused when he figured out Zayn liked being weighed down so much. There was something about resting under Liam's solidness that calmed him. They waited in silence for a while, letting stillness settle over as they worked out a comfortable position.

"You better now?" Liam hummed against Zayn's neck. He felt a bit of shifting beneath him before another meaningful exhale escaped.

"Not really." Zayn admitted after a pause. "Guess it does help a little, this."

Liam tapped little beats on Zayn's collarbone, taking advantage of how his husband was too tired to slap his hand away. The habit normally earned Liam a scolding, but he liked the idea of making a little bit of music from sounds that could only be made off of Zayn. No other person's collarbone would have the same shape or pitch under Liam's fingers.

"I don't like what you said earlier."

"Bout what?" Zayn's head lifted off the sofa, he blinked down a the top of Liam's hair with a frown.

"About him having us instead of someone else." Liam explained. "He's plenty lucky, I reckon. Has someone driving themselves up a wall over him."  
  
Zayn gave a weak laugh, his chest a little strained under the weight. "When did we trade places? You're so level about everything today."

Liam's lips pressed against the underside of Zayn's chin, urging him to lay down again. "I worry enough about him when he's at home. I couldn't function if I had to worry about him at school, as well."  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
An orderly line of small children came pouring out from the building's back entrance. Liam and Zayn stood leaning against their car, craning their necks to spot James in the group of students. After a moment of brief worry, it became clear why the lad wasn't immediately visible. He was the very last child in the line, and now that he stood amongst his classmates, they instantly realized he was one of the smallest in his year. James stood eye to eye with a little blond girl immediately in front of him, but Liam observed that the majority of the boys in his class were several centimetres taller. It seemed one kid in particular stood a full head taller than James.

One by one, parents came up and collected the children that belonged to them. James stood back, looking all around and oblivious to Liam waving in attempts to grab his attention. Finally, Ms. Evans knelt beside James and pointed out Liam and Zayn standing in the distance. A look of relief crossed the boy's face as he finally trudged over. Unlike this morning where they had relative privacy, Liam was keenly aware of other people's gazes fixed on them as James approached.

"Y'alright, mate?" Zayn brightly greeted.

The other children ran at full speed to throw their arms around whoever came to retrieve them. James stopped just before their feet. He nodded sheepishly at Zayn's question, his hands gripping on to the straps of his backpack.

"Did you have a good day?" Liam asked as he checked to make sure James had his lunchbox and gym bag. He snuck a glimpse at the boy's face, pleased to see no obvious signs of any recent crying. His face looked a bit flushed, suggesting he probably had PE later in the day.

James nodded once more as he began to chew on one of the nylon straps of his bag. He glanced over his shoulder, seeming to notice a few of the parents not-so-subtly staring in their direction. He chewed away at the strap in his mouth, his brows knitted together in that same curious expression he wore when seeing paps with Zayn and Danny.

"How about Liam gets you in the car while I go say a quick word to your teacher, yeah?" Zayn offered as he held the door to the backseat open. He didn't really like feeling so on display for everyone, but knew there was nothing in his power that could make people stop staring. It was a person's right to look where they pleased out in public, Zayn couldn't change that. He couldn't help but wonder was so interesting about them picking a child up from school. Why would adults who were literally in the middle of performing the exact same task stop and stare at someone else?

James nodded, his attention pulled away from the on-lookers. He was eager to finally be done with the day and go home.

Zayn walked over the crunchy gravel of the car park, spotting Ms. Evans on the walkway leading to the back entrance. He waved to her, taking it as a good sign that she smiled warmly upon spotting him.

"Sorry, I just know I'm not going to get much out of him about how everything went." Zayn explained.

Ms. Evans nodded understandingly. "Oh, of course. They don't always know what to share at the end of the day, do they?"

"Did he do okay?" Zayn asked.

Ms. Evans' smile didn't falter, instantly putting Zayn at ease. "He faired quite well, I think. Very well behaved. He stood back a bit and preferred to watch rather than participate, but that's normal when they're brought into the middle of the year."

"He didn't cry or anything, did he?"

Ms. Evans shook her head. She waved politely over at Liam before turning back to Zayn. "No, but I did notice him start to withdraw more at the end of the day. I suspect he's just tired and feeling a bit overwhelmed."

"He's a sweet lad, I promise. He's just wary in new situations and-"

Ms. Evans lifted a hand to cut Zayn's ramble off before it could start. She was clearly familiar with nervous first-time parents. "Oh, no, I don't need any convincing. Believe me, if I had reason at this point to be particularly worried about James, I would tell you. We're all going to keep an eye on him. I think once he feels more adjusted at home he'll feel more at ease here."

"We're willing to do anything you suggest to make it easier, really." Zayn assured.

"Oh, I'm sure." She nodded. "You and Liam are doing great, I can tell."

"So it went well, then?" Zayn checked one last time.

"Well as could be expected right now." Ms. Evans confirmed.

Zayn thanked her once more before slow jogging back across the car park to where Liam was waiting for him. He couldn't' believe that there were still numerous eyes trained on their car. Surely there wasn't anything that interesting to see anymore, he felt. Zayn slipped into the passenger's seat, happy to finally have one school day completed and under their belt. He tried not to think about the thousands more they potentially faced. He caught one young mother's eyes in the mirror, noticing how she pointed their car out to her two children. Zayn shook his head, wondering how he was going to explain to James why his foster parents attracted such levels of attention.

______________________________________________________________________________

Liam surprised Zayn that evening with offering to take over dinner. It wasn't that Liam wasn't capable of throwing a meal together, it was just that his list of meals he consistently threw together well was so very limited. His breakfasts were worthy of symphonies, but dinner was normally not Liam's comfort zone. Still, Zayn felt he had no room to protest when arms snaked around his waist and pulled him back from the sink. 

With only a faint amount of reluctance, Zayn left the kitchen in his husband's hands. He was surprised when he didn't find James in the living room. The TV was off, no longer blaring the re-run of Teen Titans he agreed to watch after Zayn's insistence. After a quick glimpse down the hall, Zayn noticed neither of the lights were on in the two bedrooms. He began to search James' bathroom, but paused when he caught sight of something in the office out of the corner of his eye.

James stood just barely past the doorway. He stared up at the surrounding walls, a hand outstretched with a pointed finger like he was counting something. He jumped the moment he heard Zayn, spinning around as if suddenly caught in the act of something wrong.

"Y'okay?" Zayn asked, a fond sort of amusement in his eyes.

"Um, I-I was..." James fumbled with his words. He was never told explicitly that he wasn't allowed in the office, but something about the room seemed to be understood as off limits.

"It's fine. You're allowed." Zayn laughed easily as he stepped inside. "What were you looking at?"

James pointed his finger at the largest wall and Zayn instantly understood. He and Liam had covered that wall in their office with several different plaques their releases had earned over the years. Most were One Direction related, but a few were from different artists whose songs Liam helped write or produce. Zayn wondered what James imagined the gold and silver disks were, because surely he had no concept of records or record players.

"Do you know what those are?" Zayn asked.

James shook his head.

"That's what Liam and I do for work." Zayn crossed the room over to the large desk. "If you c'mere a minute, I can show you." He called over his shoulder. 

James stood with a lost expression, wondering what kind of job required making large silvery disks. He looked from Zayn to the plaques several times before finally moving over to the desk. He stood unsurely at the far side, only feeling confident enough to approach closer when Zayn beckoned him to walk around. The little workspace behind the desk felt so obviously not for kids. Even with Zayn's permission, James didn't feel quite right standing there.

"You probably need to see this first, though." Zayn gently guided James to stand between his parted legs, pointing his attention to the short bookcase lined with actions figures and photographs.

James looked at the contents of the shelf he stood eye-level with, noticing the series of photographs it contained looked old.

"So, that one there is me and Liam a long time ago. We were teenagers, barely even knew each other." Zayn quietly offered. "That's Liam's family in the next one. His mum, his dad, and then he's got two sisters."

James looked at the two photographs pointed out to him. Liam and Zayn looked so different, barely like themselves at all. He wondered what all of this had to do with the big disks on the wall, but knew better than to interrupt Zayn with questions.

"Do you know what this one is?" Zayn asked when he pointed to another photograph further down the shelf.

James nodded. He looked at Liam and Zayn standing close together in dark suits, both looking like they had been caught just after someone said something really funny. Their smiles were huge. "You and Liam. When you got married."

Zayn smiled. "Yeah, s'right. We got married at our mate Harry's house. You weren't even born, I don't think."

"My birthday's November 28th." James spouted out proudly.

"We got married in April, so you weren't even a little baby." Zayn reached down to one of the lower shelves and pulled up a different photo. "Here's some of our mates. We want you to meet them soon. We work with them." 

"They make those with you?" James looked over at the gleaming wall of plaques once more.

"Yeah." Zayn nodded. "We're in a band. We sing and make albums. If the albums do really well, we might get awards. Those are some of the awards we've received." Zayn explained carefully.

James nodded along slowly before looking back at the photographs. "S'kinda like trophies, then?"

"Yeah, that's a good way to put it." Zayn agreed.

"What kind of songs do you sing?" James asked. "Are they good?"

The way James added the last part with not even the least bit of tact made Zayn laugh outright. "I can show you." He managed after a moment of recovery. He started to roll the chair over to face the computer.

"Wait." James paused, nudging Zayn as he pointed at something. "What's that one up there?"

Zayn looked over to the little frame hung up on the lone bit of wall behind the desk. He grinned brightly before reaching over James to pull the picture down. "Aw, you know this one, mate. Remember when we did this?"

James took the frame from Zayn's hands. He handled it carefully. "Why did you hang up the drawing?"

Zayn leaned his elbow on one of the chair's armrests, taking in the serious sort of look on James' face. "Because it's special to me." He stated, giving the boy a careful nudge. "I thought it was so sick when you gave it to us. Showed everyone I saw for like two weeks."

James blushed, fidgeting from one foot to another. He looked so oddly pleased as he handed the framed drawing back to Zayn.

"We did it together, so it's cool if I keep it here, yeah?"

Zayn grinned when he received a quick nod in reply. He reached over and took the drawing back, carefully leaning up so he could hang it back on the wall. Zayn scooted the chair a little closer to the desk, motioning for James to follow. He moved back a bit, allowing enough room for James to stand in front of him and easily see. Just as he started to type out the title of one of One Direction's songs into YouTube, he paused when he noticed James fidgeting uncomfortably. The boy was looking at the two arms on either side of him, clearly not okay with being locked in. Zayn dropped his left hand to free a bit more space, managing with only a little difficulty to perform the search with just his right.

James watched as the video Zayn selected started to play. Numbers counted down before Zayn popped up on a motorcycle. James' brow quirked up on one side as he took everything in. He looked from the video to Zayn a few times, seeming unsure if the people performing silly antics on screen were the same as the two men he lived with.

"Have you heard this song before?" Zayn asked.

James shook his head. "No, but I've seen him before. The one with the hair." He pointed at the screen.

"Harry? Yeah, he's hard to miss." Zayn agreed. "When did you see him?"

"One time on telly." James mumbled absently. He was now a bit more transfixed by the goofy antics and fake outdoor scenes.

Zayn wondered about the gears so obviously turning in James' head. He wanted to know just how much he was figuring out on his own and what questions he might have and maybe even if he thought the song was any good. Before he could formulate something else to say, Liam's voice called from out in the hall.

_"Oi! Dinner!"_

It was a bit of a relief. Zayn knew any further conversation with James would have to tread into the topics of fame and what it meant to have parents 'on telly'. He really, _really_ needed Liam there for those subjects. Having someone else to provide more examples and help fill in the gaps would make things easier.

"Let's go eat. I'll show you more later." Zayn urged as he exited out of the browser.

The dinner Liam prepared was what Zayn would call a more than solid attempt at fajitas. The aroma in the kitchen was enticing, making him wonder why he was the one usually performing the bulk of the cooking in this relationship.

James ate steadily, much to the pleasure of his foster parents. He sat with his legs curled beneath him, using both hands to hold up the little fajita he wrapped all on his own.

"I showed Jai the video for Kiss You." Zayn looked over at Liam.

"Yeah? What'd you think?" Liam asked from his end of the table.

James shrugged as he worked on the large bite of chicken in his mouth. "S'okay." He managed to mumble around his food.

"Yeah?" Liam chuckled, obviously amused at the bluntness offered from a five year-old's opinion. "A lot of other people thought it was okay, too."

James looked up, a touch of confusion in his eyes as he didn't quite get what Liam meant.

"You remember yesterday when the people took our picture behind that shop?" Zayn offered, pulling James' attention back to him. "That was because a lot of people know who we are, and..." He trailed off as all of the steam he built up began to fade away. Zayn looked over to Liam for help.

"Do you know what 'famous' means, mate?" Liam was quick to jump in.

James nodded earnestly. "Yeah, like Spiderman."

"Well..." Liam struggled with himself to stay serious and not laugh at the notion of being ranked alongside Spiderman. "That's sort of right." He began. "Zayn and I are famous because we sing and a lot of people like our songs. Spiderman's famous because he's a superhero."

"Sometimes people want to take our pictures when we're out just walking around." Zayn explained. He fumbled for a moment, not quite sure how to link paparazzi with fame in a way that was easy to understand. "If Spiderman were out walking around on the street, don't you think a lot of people would want to take his picture?"

James' eyes darted off to the side as he nodded, suggesting he thought that would be obvious.

"So, Zayn and I are kind of the same way." Liam continued. "People know who we are and know the songs that we sing, but they don't know us really. So, if we're seen outside walking around, sometimes people get a bit excited. It's like they're seeing Spiderman."

James bit down on his lip, his head tilted while he tried to process that information.

"You think you understand a bit better now?" Zayn asked. "Liam and I aren't superheroes or anything. We're normal people. We just have a job where a lot of people see our faces."

James' head bobbed up and down, but he seemed much more focused on draining his cup of apple juice.

The conversation naturally died off there. Zayn and Liam looked up, sharing a look that suggested they both felt like they just dodged a bullet. Neither was completely sure that James quite understood yet, but at least they set up the necessary foundation to have more conversations in the future. They knew the subject would need to be brought up again and again so James could get a bigger picture. Liam didn't want to look too far into things, but he was pleased that James seemed to not really care. He understood that talking around the safety of their kitchen table was different from being bombarded by attention out in the streets, but at least the initial comparison of his foster parents to Spiderman didn't seem to phase him.  
______________________________________________________________________________

School continued on in the same pattern for the next few days. It was hard to tell if James enjoyed himself or not, because each day he marched out to the car with the same unreadable expression. When asked how his day went, he would shrug before clambering up into the backseat. He never looked particularly sad or like he had been crying, so Liam and Zayn decided to leave him be.

James got up for Liam each morning with minimal complaint, which was surprising because Liam spotted more than a handful of signs suggesting the boy wasn't sleeping well. Perhaps the greatest of which being that James was often already awake when Liam padded into his room. He would be waiting patiently in the dark until the light was flicked on and Liam said it was time to get out of bed. Another big indicator something was wrong was the dishevelled sheets Liam found each morning. James' mattress would always be nearly bare, with most of his covers kicked off to the ground.

Breakfast was still a delicate issue, as James often didn't eat near as much as Liam and Zayn would like him to. After the first morning, his appetite seemed to decrease more and more. He now only took a couple bites of whatever was placed in front of him before losing complete interest. Zayn would share a look with Liam before he took James out of the kitchen to go get dressed. They both decided to not press the issue and cause any unnecessary stress. They knew they would have address James' diet soon, though. The boy needed to put weight on and his current pace wasn't ensuring that would happen any time soon. Liam made a mental note to make a doctor's appointment for James in the approaching month.

Thursday morning was their worst yet. Liam slipped into James' room to find that he had some sort of accident during the night. The boy was kneeling on top of his bed in the middle of a wet patch, his hands shaking as he clasped them firmly together. No amount of reassurance from Liam seemed to make him feel any better. He blurted out several apologies, seeming so sure that he had made some sort of irreparable mistake. James only calmed down some time after Zayn came across the hall to see what was wrong. He tearfully let Zayn take him to the bathroom to clean up while Liam gathered his dirty sheets.

James only nibbled at his toast that morning, even after Zayn bribed him with Nutella and sugary jams. The boy was a walking zombie after they managed to get him dressed and in the car. Liam walked him into school and dropped him off at his classroom. Before leaving, he watched for a moment as James stood numbly while letting his teacher slip his bag and coat from his shoulders. Liam tried to assure himself as he walked back out to the car, but his mind began to wonder about all of the things that could be going on at school that they wouldn't know. James could not be eating his lunch. Someone could be picking on him behind the teacher's back. He could be struggling with his schoolwork because he's too tired to pay attention in class. Liam struggled to keep his thoughts from running off the rails. He needed to be rational. James' teacher would tell them if there was any behaviour at school they needed to be concerned about. 

______________________________________________________________________________

The bags under James' eyes were alarmingly pronounced by the time they picked him up from school Thursday afternoon. He was sluggish on his feet as they watched him make his way over to their car. Zayn noticed the way James' bag and lunch box seemed to hang heavily from his limbs. He quickly moved to take both. 

"Go on and get in the car, babe." He urged while throwing James' things in the trunk. 

Liam helped get James settled in the back after noticing that he was fumbling around with his seatbelt rather than putting it on. After making sure the buckle was fastened properly, Liam reached to feel for any traces of heat in James' cheeks. He earned a soft whine before James shrugged away in mild annoyance. 

Liam wasn't that bothered by the behaviour. He understood that a full school day was no small order for a five year-old. "You ought to have a lie down when we get home." He insisted before crossing round to the driver's seat.

 James' mood didn't improve much that evening at home. He retreated back to his room soon after stripping off his uniform for house clothes. When Liam went to call him for dinner, he found the boy curled up on the floor by his bed, completely asleep. Liam knew he hadn't had a full night's sleep in days. Despite how much he hated for James to miss a meal, he didn't have the heart to wake him. Liam softly shut James' bedroom door before exiting back out into the kitchen. He wrapped up James' plate and set it in the fridge.

"We probably should make a doctor's appointment for him if this doesn't sort itself out soon, yeah?" Zayn wondered aloud.

"Yeah. I'll make the call if he's no better come Monday." Liam assured.

______________________________________________________________________________

One sharp and brief scream reached Liam's ears in the middle of the night. It was the sort of thing to abruptly pull him from his sleep. He jolted awake like emerging from under icy water, sitting straight up and blinking his eyes in an attempt to focus. He struggled to process what exactly he just heard. It wasn't until a soft thud sounded from somewhere within the apartment that Liam realized he hadn't been dreaming. Someone definitely screamed and it was definitely from somewhere inside. He looked down to see Zayn gently stirring awake, seeming more disturbed by Liam's sudden movements than any loud noise.

"Zayn!" Liam hissed in the dark. 

"Mm? S'wrong?" Came the mumbled reply.

Liam remained silent for a moment, straining to listen for something. "Thought I heard screaming."          

Zayn made a soft sort of grumble as he stirred around under the covers. His hand lightly wrapped around Liam's bicep, trying to pull him back under. "Don't think so."

"Shh." Liam insisted, head tilted to the side as he listened in concentration.

Zayn shifted impatiently before going still. For several moments, he didn't hear anything. He was about to roll over and tell Liam to go back to bed, until a faint sound reached his ears. Still not thinking much of anything, he went silent to give one final listen. Without even straining, Zayn could detect high and muffled whimpers coming from across the hall. His lips parted as realization slowly sank in.

"James." Liam murmured as he clambered out of bed.

"Take it slow." Zayn urged quietly as he followed behind. "Can't bust in all sudden like with him."

Together, they crossed the hall and stood outside of James' bedroom door. They listened, now able to clearly hear sobs coming from the other side.

Zayn was the one to reach forward and slowly turn the doorknob. In the same instant the door cracked open, the cries cut off like a switch being flipped. "James? Y'okay?" Zayn called as they slipped into the dark bedroom.

Liam blindly reached to hit the lights and instantly regretted the decision. He and Zayn both winced before recoiling at the harsh brightness flooding the room. Liam pinched the bridge of his nose as he struggled in forcing his eyes to adjust.

"Jesus." Zayn cursed as he finally took in the tangled mess of covers atop James' bed. Still squinting against the light, he noticed that James' little figure was missing from the disaster on the mattress. He shared a look with Liam just as a strangled sob escaped from within the room.

Liam put a finger to his lips as he smoothly brushed past Zayn. His motions were delicate as he lowered himself down onto his stomach, wanting to avoid any thuds or loud sounds. Slowly, Liam managed to stretch out on the ground next to James' bed. Trying to ignore the worry growing like a lump down in his gut, he turned his head so he could peer underneath.

"Hey..." Liam whispered. "What's the matter?"

James was curled on the floor in an awkward position near the top of the bed. His face was red in a way that suggested his crying was interrupting regular breathing. His small body was bent up tightly, with his hands clasped firmly over his mouth in a failed attempt to muffle the sounds leaving him. Liam felt helpless as he took everything in. Not a single idea came to mind of what he could do to talk down this terrified child. He imagined this must have been what it felt like to watch someone drown from afar and be completely unable to reach them.

"Oh, mate..." Liam exhaled sadly. He was not in any way prepared for the damaging sight of a child cowering in fear before him.

Zayn slowly lowered himself onto the floor by the opposite side of the bed. He peered underneath and felt his chest sink. James was worked up into a state that Zayn knew wasn't normal. This wasn't in the familiar realm of terror that accompanied most childhood nightmares. James was in a state of panic purely driven by adrenaline. His little chest struggled under the harsh sobs leaving his frame. Zayn knew they had to painful, judging by the way James was fighting against his body to hold everything in.

"Jai..." He called softly, pulling the boy's attention away for a moment.

James looked back and forth from Zayn to Liam. His limbs scrambled as he tried to find the room to press himself further back.

"Jai, listen to me." Zayn pleaded, twisting his head so he could have a more direct line of sight. "You're at home right now. You're with us. It's all okay."

"He's right." Liam added from the other side. "You're safe here."

James only shook his head, hands still clasped over his mouth. The sobs he tried to push down and hold back forced themselves out in a way that sounded worryingly similar to choking. Zayn could detect the shine of sweat across James' red brow, and he began to wonder if the boy could even hear them. He seemed so far gone, still mentally stuck wherever he had been moments ago in his sleep.  
  
Liam fought with himself to keep from diving in and drawing James out, protests be damned. He wasn't the type to sit idly by and withhold from comforting someone so clearly distraught. Between the feeling of Zayn's eyes resting on him and his own common sense, Liam knew better than to act on his instincts. Still, he was growing mildly frustrated with the way the nightstand kept him further down the length of the bed, making it impossible to be eye level. He was left scrambling for another way to re-direct James' attention.

Slowly, with only the vaguest idea of what he was doing, Liam slid a hand forward. "Come on, James." He murmured, turning his palm to face upward.

A sharp squeak left James' mouth that caused the three of them to jump in surprise. A nasty crack sounded when James startled, his head having collided with the wooden slats of the bed frame. Zayn and Liam both winced in sympathy, but James never reacted to the jarring bump. He produced a smear of jumbled out words that sounded like a sort of plea as he shook his head in Liam's direction.

Liam withdrew his hand promptly, shoving it out of sight behind his back. He bit down on his lower lip in guilt. He never had the intention to forcefully drag James out, especially not in this state. He hoped that maybe all James needed was a little bit of encouragement and he would agree to let them help.  
  
Zayn looked from James to Liam, and he felt pained at the sight of their faces. Both were in equal states of terror over different reasons. "Li..." He called faintly.  
  
"Yeah?" Came the stiff reply. Liam was shaking his head and Zayn could tell he was deep in the process of blaming himself.

"Just let me have a go for a while. It's fine."

There was a moment of quiet between the two of them, the only noise in the room coming from James' suppressed whimpers.

"You hear me?" Zayn tried softly again.  
  
"Yeah, right." Liam sighed before slowly sliding himself away from the bed and up from the floor.

 Zayn kept still as Liam crawled back towards the far wall. He lay stretched flat across the floor, tucking his hands under his chest as he waited for the stress level in the tiny bedroom to drop back down.

James watched Liam's face disappear from his view. He was left alone with Zayn peering in at him and the sight of Liam's bare feet far away on the other side of the room. He could hear his own heart beating loudly in his chest, and it took so much concentration to listen whenever Zayn said something to him. He had to focus extra hard to pick out the words over the rapid thumps filling his ears. All he could think about was how Liam and Zayn were sure to be upset with him. He never meant to wake anyone, especially not this late. They all had to be up early in the morning and James could only cower at the thought of how angry they would be over missing their sleep.

Zayn was silent as he tried to rack his brain for a different approach to the situation. He didn't know what he or Liam could possibly give that would provide any solace or comfort, but it didn't dissuade him from wanting to try. James had no reason to trust them, he realized that much. Zayn could only imagine what it must have felt like for him, to be curled up under a tiny bed in a strange home with two unfamiliar grown ups peering in from all around. 

Never moving from his spot on the floor, Zayn chose to let several minutes of silence pass. James' choked sobbing gradually died down, his breathing shifting back to something at least vaguely regular.  
  
"Does your head hurt, babe?"  
  
Zayn watched as James tearfully rubbed a hand over the lump that must have formed after his collision with the bed frame. He exhaled shakily, struggling to hold lasting eye contact with Zayn. The redness in his face had mostly left, suggesting maybe some of the initial adrenaline was starting to dissipate. He nodded slowly as he pulled his hand away from feeling his scalp.

"Yeah, you knocked it pretty hard." Zayn noted. "M'really sorry. That was our fault."

James kept still as he listened.

"Do you think you might want to come out? Let me take a look at it?"

James' teeth worried his lower lip for several moments, a pained expression came across his face. Zayn was certain he was about to send them back to square one and he and Liam would be trying to coax James out from under the bed until sunrise. Just as he was convinced he was about to be met with a fresh wave of tears, the boy surprised him by giving a brief little nod.

Relief flooded Zayn's chest, one corner of his mouth might have even twitched in a hint of a smile. "Good, mate." He praised. "I'm going to back up a bit so you have some more room. Just take your time."

If he were honest, James could have remained hidden under the bed long into the next night. The only thing keeping him from doing so was the fear of what might happen if he hid for too long. He lived with a foster mum once who would round up all of the kids when something was broken or stolen, interrogating down the line till she decided who had done whatever. That was when James learned to start hiding under beds, because it was hard for an old lady like her to find a boy as tiny as him. Hiding didn't always work, sometimes it got James into even more trouble, but at least it gave him a chance of maybe missing whatever bad thing was going on outside.  
  
Adults had a funny way of lying to make someone do what they wanted them to do. The adults at the group home would always lie. James wondered if that's what Liam and Zayn were doing. Maybe they were just acting nice because they wanted him to come out quicker. They didn't want to wait all day to punish him for screaming and waking them. Even if their kindness was only some sort of trick, and by this point James was certain it was, he knew it was wiser to play along rather than make things worse by making them wait.

Already anticipating the swift punishment he was sure to receive, James forced his shaky arms to drag his belly across the fluffy rug. It was hard using arms and legs that felt weak and flimsy like spaghetti. It was even harder to use them to abandon the only place that felt remotely safe. James felt like he had to try twice as hard to make his body cooperate.  
  
Zayn remained low on the floor where James could easily see him. He watched as the boy struggled to slide himself toward the open side Liam abandoned earlier. He grew worried when he noticed how badly James was shaking.  "Go as slow as you need." He quietly encouraged.

Another moment passed before James' head popped out from under the bed . He was overcome with uneasiness when he felt Liam's eyes pouring over him.

"You want some help?" Liam asked from his spot next to the far wall. It was tearing him apart to sit back and watch the boy when he was so obviously struggling. He had to summon a great deal of self control to not scurry over and begin dusting him off.  
  
James let out a clipped whine as he shook his head. The moment he managed to pull his legs free, he curled his body and ducked under the protection of his lanky arms.  
  
Zayn stood to his feet slowly, grunting a bit from being stretched across the hard floor for so long. He went around to the bed's other side. He stopped in his tracks when he saw James covering himself as if he expected bombs to fall. His meagre frame was trembling in anticipation of some sort of blow or berating.

"James..." Zayn called, delicately setting himself down onto his knees. "Babe, no-it's...it's okay." He tried.

Zayn let a sigh slip past his lips before cautiously edging his way over to the cowering figure. He was completely unsure of what he was doing. The only thing he knew for certain was that he would be at a complete loss if James crawled back under the bed.  
  
"Come on and sit up a bit for me, yeah?" Zayn asked, stopping just short of touching distance. 

James peeked between the slats formed by his arms.

"Please?" Zayn whispered. "We're only talking, James. I promise." He couldn't help but wonder if a promise from him would even mean something to James. Regardless, it was nothing short of an actual miracle several moments later when James finally lifted his head to reveal a grim face to them. Zayn lowered himself so he was sitting cross-legged on the floor. "Show me where you hit your head." He prompted.

James was mindful of the way Liam and Zayn were both staring at him. They were being so nice and it confused him to no end. If they were lying, they were too good of liars and James worried he would never be able to tell what was the truth from them. As much as he wanted to believe, he couldn't shake the feeling that any moment their kindness would turn. With a great amount of fear and thinking he had no other choice, James shakily pointed to where the throbbing in his head was located. He bit his lip, unable to keep tears from falling as Zayn approached him.

"There?" Zayn murmured as he reached out a tentative hand. He went slow, waiting for the first sign of outright rejection to make him hastily snap his hand away. No protests ever came, though. James breathed in and out unevenly, holding obediently still as he submitted to being touched. It was difficult to watch him struggle to accept such a simple gesture. The little boy who normally adhered himself to Zayn's side was gone. James reacted to him and Liam like they were no different than whatever he encountered in his sleep.

James bit down hard on his lip, refusing to look up as Zayn's fingertips lightly felt for the tender knot hidden under his hair. He battled with himself to hold still and not jerk away. Try as he might, James couldn't shake the feeling that Zayn was a second away from hitting him or yanking him to his feet by a handful of hair. The instinct to scramble back underneath the bed was overwhelming to ignore.  
  
Yet despite how everything inside of him was screaming to be afraid, James still noted the way Zayn was so careful. He recognized that Liam and Zayn wanted to be allowed to come close and touch him. Something about that would make them look so pleased and relieved and James didn't quite understand why. After a few moments, he realized that it did feel sort of nice when Zayn's fingers combed away the strands of hair poking around his ears. It was frustrating for James to have so many mixed feelings at once. Burning tears built up in his eyes before they rolled hot down his cheeks.  

"It's okay." Zayn spoke softly. "You know nothing bad's gonna happen to you, yeah? Not here. Not with us."

James still wouldn't lift his eyes, but Zayn felt slightly more at ease to see him leaning in to his touch. He bowed his head forward in silent permission for Zayn to reach the back of his hair. Zayn lightly brushed at the thick, dark strands, still making quiet promises that they were in a safe place. Several minutes passed where James remained hunched over as Zayn worked on providing him with the only affection he seemed willing to accept.

During this time, Liam sat watching back against the wall in a state of mild awe. He resigned himself early on to the idea that they would possibly be waiting hours until James worked himself into such a state that he would pass out from exhaustion. James surprised him in how he went from seemingly inconsolable to something much more stable and passive. Even more surprising to Liam was how Zayn was able to stay so calm throughout it all. Just when the cadence of James' breathing evened a bit, he felt okay to approach the pair on the ground by the bed. Zayn offered a weak smile over his shoulder as Liam quietly lowered himself down beside him. He watched the way James' shaking hadn't stopped or slowed. The way his tiny body was nothing but a mess of tremors and quakes made Liam's heart hurt.  
  
Zayn cleared his throat quietly before his hand stilled, now cupping around the back of James' head. "Did you have a bad dream?" He asked. "Is that what happened?"

James' breath hitched in his throat. He nodded, still unwilling to look either man in the eye.

"We all wake up scared, it just happens sometimes." Zayn tried to soothe.

James could only shake his head. He doubted Zayn or Liam had dreams like him. He knew they never got so scared that it made them sick or piss the bed or forget to breathe. They didn't know what it was like to be the one to wake up an entire house full of people because you were the kid who always fell out of bed crying. He didn't know how to find the words for some of things he dreamt, especially not the ones like tonight. James couldn't even remember seeing anything in tonight's dream. He woke up only knowing he saw dark colours and felt lots of bad things.  
  
James closed his eyes, willing himself to push those nasty sensations from his mind. He didn't want to think about those things in front of Zayn and Liam. He didn't want them to see him like that. He squeezed his eyes shut harder, shaking his head in attempts to clear everything. If he wasn't careful, his ears would start to ring and everything in the room would go fuzzy. It happened once in front of Holly and she told James he needed to see a doctor. He didn't want Liam or Zayn to know.

"Look at me, James." Zayn called. He noticed the way something seemed off in the boy's posture and the way his breathing went shallow. James' slender shoulders were bunched up tightly and Zayn knew he was beginning to be mentally pulled somewhere else.

James obeyed. He raised his head enough where Zayn could duck to meet his eyes. It was a struggle for him to make out Zayn's and Liam's blurry features. Everything was distorted by the fat tears clinging to his lashes. He made furious attempts to blink them away and clear his vision, but it only looked to make things worse.

"Think it would be okay if I held you for a bit?" Zayn asked, the question feeling useless as it left his mouth.

What possessed him to think that now was the time to try and initiate that sort of contact? Zayn knew it was unlikely, but he didn't know what else to do for James at that point. He had been crying for well over an hour and it was agonizing to not be able to do the things for him that felt instinctive and natural. Unsure and hopeful, Zayn pressed his lips together, waiting to see just how badly James reacted to the idea.

James smeared an unsteady hand across his messy face before he gave the faintest of nods. He felt so tired from shaking all over. Being smushed up under the bed made his body ache. Despite how badly each shuddering sob hurt in his chest and shoulders, he couldn't make himself stop crying. Not knowing what else to do, James felt like there was no choice but to let Zayn be nice.  
  
Zayn let out a shaky sigh of his own. He was slow in the way he slipped his hands underneath James' arms. He drew himself up onto his haunches, prolonging every little movement enough to give James plenty of time to change his mind. He waited another beat or two before smoothly standing, drawing James up off the ground.

Zayn was mindful to keep his hold loose. James sat stiffly on his arm, his head bowed so his face remained unreadable. The boy crammed two fingers into his mouth, trying to soothe himself against his body's constant trembling. He sniffled loudly. A portion of Zayn's t-shirt was balled under his free fist as he glanced down, seeming concerned about the amount of distance between him and the ground.

Zayn made a sympathetic hum as he combed his fingers through the back of James' hair. "This okay?" He asked.

James nodded swiftly. His lower lip began to wobble as he tried to hide his face away from any possible scrutiny. It wasn't the most convincing yes Liam or Zayn ever received.

"Are you sure, mate?" Zayn pressed gently. "I can set you down if you want-"

He was cut off by a whimper before a skinny arm hooked around his neck.

Zayn shared a disbelieving look with Liam. "Alright, okay." He murmured, shifting so James' weight could rest against him less awkwardly.

Liam stood to his feet, looking a mixture of both tired and relieved.  "I'll put some tea on." He offered.

"Yeah. Perfect." Zayn nodded as he smoothed his hand up and down James' back. Zayn hated that there was such an imbalance in the level of comfort James felt with each of them. He felt a stab of guilt for being the one on the better end of the deal. Liam seemed to be pressing down any feelings of rejection for the moment, choosing to make himself useful in what ways he could.

Zayn carried James out into the hallway. He made his strides even and smooth, wishing that James would be lulled enough to relax against him. He made shushing noises when he felt little limbs tighten around his body. James remained rigid as they entered the living room, his arms and legs unwilling to ease up in the way they clung. Zayn chose not to sit right away, but slowly paced around the length of the room, making a wide circle over the floor. Gradually, he felt the legs circled around his waist let go as James grew heavier and heavier in his arms.

"There you go, lad." Zayn mumbled encouragingly. "Rest your head on me."

He was rewarded when James burrowed down onto his shoulder. Zayn placed a cautious kiss onto the boy's damp cheek, relieved to be met with no objection. A new calm settled over James' body, the gasps and sputters from his crying had ceased. Aside from the arm he kept wrapped around Zayn's neck, he remained pliant and limp. He finally arrived at the conclusion that there was no need to cling so tightly while being carried. Zayn wondered if that was at least a partial sign of trust.  
  
"Gonna sit for a little while, okay?" Zayn whispered as he began to lower down onto the sofa. He rested back slowly, feeling more sure of himself when James remained chest-to-chest against him.   
  
Liam quietly padded in from the kitchen with mugs in both hands. A sad half smile came across his face as he took in Zayn sat with James on his lap. He made his way over to the sofa, handing Zayn his mug as he set himself down.

James startled when he felt the furniture shift around him. He sucked in a sharp breath before he hid his face away into Zayn's neck.

"Sorry, sweetheart." Liam sighed as he moved further back.

"Easy, yeah? You're okay." Zayn murmured lowly as he cradled James' head to his shoulder. He took a sip of his tea to check the temperature, pleased to find his was made extra milky. He swallowed a decent mouthful as his eyes fell on Liam, noticing the way he tried to not show the amount of hurt he was feeling.

Liam sat back a fair distance from Zayn, his face nervously watching James as if he expected another reaction.

Zayn looked thoughtful for a moment before his lips pressed softly to James' crown. "You gonna fall back t'sleep, Jai?" He asked, voice muffled against the dusky tufts of hair.

James shook his head against Zayn's shoulder. 

"No? Will you take a bit of tea for us, then? Just a little?" He let his hand smooth down James' back.

James reluctantly lifted his head, allowing the rim of the mug to be pressed to his lips before he took a meagre sip.

Zayn mumbled soft praises before he pulled the mug away. After stretching to set it down on the end table, he nodded at Liam to hand his tea over.

Wearing a puzzled look, Liam reluctantly set his own warm mug into Zayn's palm.

"Here, take some of Liam's as well." Zayn instructed as he helped James drink. James took a tentative sip before eagerly swallowing a large mouthful of the much sweeter beverage. Zayn, perfectly aware of the amount of sugar Liam preferred in his tea, smiled knowingly. "Whose do you like better?" He asked.

James licked his lips before he pointed his finger over in Liam's direction.

"Thought you would." Zayn smirked, his hand stroking James' cheek. "G'on and lay down. I'll give you more if you want."

With a little help, James got himself comfortable and moved to sit sideways across Zayn's lap. His thumb and index finger found their way into his mouth as he curled against the warmth provided by Zayn's chest. Soft talk from his two foster parents travelled back and forth over his head. James felt relieved when none of it had anything to do with him or his bad dream, it was all the sort of boring adult chatter about changing out light bulbs and not forgetting to check the post tomorrow afternoon. James' eyes were drawn downward to the small bird outlined on Zayn's hand. He never knew any adults with colouring on their bodies before coming to stay here. Something about it intrigued him, he wondered how they never washed off in the bath. Head feeling heavy, he let his fingertip trace over the simple bird again and again as he lost the battle to stay awake.  
  
Zayn did a double take when he felt a faint tickling sensation slide across the back of his hand. He noticed James' finger idly outlining the designs inked into his skin, the movements repetitive and rhythmic. A smile fixed itself across Zayn's face, one that reached to the corners of his eyes. He twisted his arm around to expose the bottom half of his right sleeve, giving James more images to explore. Zayn dropped another kiss down onto his head, silently encouraging him to carry on. The little fingertip made a few more slow loops and curves, never travelling further than the bit of microphone chord around Zayn's wrist before gradually coming to a stop. The pull of sleep finally seemed to win out over James' stubbornness.

"Why are you so far?" Zayn grumbled over at Liam.

Liam made a face before he nodded pointedly at James' resting form.

"He's fine, Li. I've got him."

After a moment of feeling unsure, Liam slid so he was sitting next to Zayn. He never fully stopped being hyper aware of James, watching out of the corner of his eye for any hints of alarm or rejection. Liam only truly relaxed when soft snores sounded from the little sleeping figure. Together, he and Zayn sat mostly in silence as they finished their tea. They didn't feel the need to talk much or have the TV on in the background. Something about the mewl-like sounds coming from James' recharging body became enough.

Liam yawned faintly as he rested his head next to Zayn's on the back of the sofa.  "Knew he liked you..." He murmured before draining the very last of his tea.

"You talk like he hates you." Zayn shook his head as he let his arms slip around James' sleeping body. The stillness that finally settled over the three of them put him at ease for the first time in what must have been hours.

Liam shifted, letting a tired sigh slip past his lips. "I know he doesn't really, but the way he still flinches whenever I-"

Zayn shot across an annoyed look that made Liam fall silent. "Oh, like he doesn't with me?"

Liam's mouth closed and then opened as he tried to respond.  
  
"Look, babe..." Zayn started again, noticeably calmer. "You can't go taking that all so personally. Like-the flinchin' or whatever, it's got nothing to do with you or me. S'just what he knows to do."

Liam sat still for a moment, his fingers picking at his lower lip before he nodded along in slow agreement. "It just tears me apart to see him like that." He whispered. "Cause I know he's sat here with us now and he's fine, but what about tomorrow? He'll go right back to the way things were before."

"Maybe." Zayn agreed faintly. "But at least we know he's learning, yeah? He's learning to let us help."  
  
Carefully, Liam reached out to smooth a hand through James' hair. Even though James was fast asleep by this point, Liam still worried that even the slightest touch could send him spiralling down back into hysterics. He wished this little boy could find some peace soon. It was gut wrenching for Liam to finally understand the level of nightmare that was keeping James from normal sleep. He counted it a blessing that James was finally calm. Despite the mess left behind on his face from tears and a running nose, he looked so serene curled up against Zayn's chest.

"Should we even bother with school tomorrow?" Liam wondered out loud.

Zayn hummed lowly, seeming to roll the question over in his head. "Dunno." He admitted. "We'll see how he feels in the morning, I guess."  
  
The three of them continued to doze peacefully on the sofa for another hour. Liam was startled awake by Loki bounding into the living room and pouncing onto his lap. Somewhere in his addled state, he had the good sense to coax Zayn awake enough to carry James back to bed. With a few empty grumbles, Zayn rose to his feet with James secure in his arms.  
  
The two quietly padded down the hall together. Liam made sure to stay back, carefully watching the sleepy face resting over Zayn's shoulder. 

______________________________________________________________________________

James didn't attend school that Friday. After a healthy half-hour of debate, Liam and Zayn decided under the door frame to his bedroom to let him sleep the day away.

"I don't see the point in taking him in late. Not when they get out at two o'clock." Zayn lamented quietly, listening to the even breaths coming from their foster son's sleeping body. 

Liam let his chest line up with Zayn's back, one arm snaking around his slim waist. "Hate to have him missing school so soon."

"Me too." Zayn yawned. "But it's only one day of Reception. Not really the same as bunking off from uni."

They went back to bed, only getting up when Liam's phone went off several hours later. They thought it would be the automated phone call from Lion House informing of James' absence, but were surprised to see a number from their agency flash across the screen. Liam listened to his voicemail to find a reminder that their first check-in with their caseworker was tomorrow. He felt relieved they decided to keep James out of school. He couldn't imagine the red flags that would form in Holly's mind when she saw how exhausted James looked.

______________________________________________________________________________

Saturday morning started out quietly enough in Zayn and Liam's apartment. James was woken up by a rather sweaty Liam who had just returned from his morning run. He told James to go watch cartoons out front while he grabbed a shower, promising they would make waffles for breakfast. James didn't understand why Liam was driving him out of bed this early on a Saturday. He only knew the waffles from the freezer section of the super market and was completely oblivious that Liam meant something else entirely. Mildly annoyed, James could only wonder how stupid waffles could possibly be worth waking up early on a weekend. Still, he allowed Liam to gently pull him out of bed and set him down on his feet.

"You remember how to use the remote?" Liam asked.

James looked around, feebly blinking the sleep out of his eyes. "Yeah."

"Go on, then. Won't take me long and I'm sure Zayn will be up soon." Liam urged while ushering the boy towards the door.

James stumbled out into the living room and made a direct line for the large sofa. He picked up the right remote off the coffee table and mashed the correct button. The TV was immediately on some channel playing a Batman cartoon. Satisfied, James clambered up onto the sofa and stretched out on his stomach. He looked dwarfed by the large piece of furniture. With his head placed just at the end, his feet just barely met the middle of the middle cushion.

Sometime soon after stretching out, James felt overwhelmingly compelled to close his eyes to the flashing on the screen. it started first as him just resting his eyelids, but then they wanted to remain shut. His breathing grew even and steady as he fell back to sleep.

James woke some time later to Zayn gently prodding him.

"You want to eat with us? Holly might stop by in a little while."

James groaned as he rolled onto his back. Zayn stood over him with a cup of tea in one hand.

"I know waking up's rough." He sympathized. "C'mon and eat something. You'll feel better."

Blearily, James stumbled along behind Zayn into the kitchen. He was guided over to his chair, which Zayn happily pulled out for him. Liam stood over near the kitchen island, carefully setting down a steaming plate of golden brown waffles on the countertop. James watched the two of them bustle around the kitchen. Zayn prepared drinks for everyone while Liam cleaned up the mess he made from cooking. They were just about to start preparing plates when the doorbell rang. Zayn mumbled something to Liam before crossing through the kitchen to head for the front door.

Eager to see a familiar face, James slipped down from his chair and tip-toed in to the living room. He stood back just under the archway, watching as Zayn opened the apartment door. James froze once he realized that Holly wasn't there. Instead, two adults wearing agency name tags stood out in the building's hallway. James felt his stomach twist as a small noise of fear stuck in his throat. The moment one of the agency officials looked over Zayn's shoulder and spotted him, he darted at full speed down the hallway to his bedroom. He pretended to never hear the soft voices calling after him.  
  
At the sound of scurrying little feet and James' name being called, Liam wiped his hands on a rag before promptly exiting the kitchen. He found Zayn standing near the hallway with baffled eyes. A smartly dressed man and woman stood in the entry of the flat, both wearing lanyards from their agency and tight lipped smiles.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's just that we told him his caseworker was coming." Zayn fumbled to explain.

Liam stared down the hallway to James' closed bedroom door as one of the agency workers informed that Holly was unable to make today's appointment. He slid a calming hand down Zayn's back before he strode forward to shake the hands of their guests. "Nice to meet you both, I'm Liam Payne."

"Jim Glass." The short, round, balding man with spectacles offered.

"Joanne Newton." The woman with grey hair followed, her voice stiff and formal.

"Jai just ran off." Zayn told Liam with a nod of his head down the hallway. He sighed before turning and swiftly offering his hand to Jim and Joanne. "I'm Zayn Malik." He greeted. "You'll have to excuse our mess in the kitchen. We were having a late breakfast and thought Holly would be stopping by a little later."

"Oh, there must have been some miscommunication on our part." Jim lamented. "We hate to disturb-"

"No, no, perfectly fine." Zayn assured. "Plenty of seats around the table to talk."

Liam nodded, watching with a small feeling of surprise as Zayn played the roll of accommodating host. That job traditionally went to him, as Zayn didn't exactly shine when catering to people he didn't know. Liam understood that there was a tense sort of air surrounding their first check-in visit. He picked up how something in the way Zayn acted resembled a very nervous performance. At least, in Liam's opinion, this entire ordeal felt very much like one gigantic performance. They both wanted good reports to the agency about the environment they were providing for James, but it was such a vulnerable feeling having to be judged according to a stranger's standards.

Zayn was just beginning to lead Jim and Joanne to the kitchen with offers of tea before he glanced over his shoulder. "Li, you want to go get Jai from the back?" He asked in a way that was more of a subtle plea.

Liam's eyes shot back a begging look of their own. "Me?" He clarified, obviously feeling the task should have been Zayn's job. Liam was far more cut out to play host than to try and coax James out from hiding.

"Yeah. Please, babe." Zayn replied curtly.

"Er...right." Liam managed an uncertain nod before taking off down their hallway.

James leaned against his closed bedroom door as he listened to the voices out near the living room. He didn't know what to think when random agency workers turned up unannounced. It was normal for Holly to make visits or call on the phone, but agency people were different. James knew from past experience that they never came around without a reason. His thumbnail was assaulted by his front teeth as he heard Zayn mention something about Liam coming to fetch him. James made a low sort of whine before he launched away from the door and dove down onto the ground. Frantically, he slid across the rug to underneath his bed in a futile attempt to hide. Hiding felt so stupid at this point, but James didn't know what else to do as he listened to footsteps approaching from outside. He slithered on his belly toward where the head of the bed frame met the wall, the exact spot he chose the night of the really bad dream. James was sure to draw his legs up so no one could pull him out. His thumbnail promptly returned to his mouth when he heard Liam approaching.

Panic mounted in his chest when the doorknob slowly turned.

Softly, Liam knocked on the door frame. "James?" He called before slipping inside. 

Liam glanced around the empty room, wondering if he should even be surprised to see that James actually took the extra precaution to hide himself. He sighed knowingly before stepping over to the bed and dropping down onto his knees. Liam pressed his stomach to the floor, tilting his head sideways to peer under the bed. He found James curled up near the very top.

"What's the matter, love? Why the hiding?" Liam calmly asked.

James only shook his head at the question, his eyes peering around Liam as he placed a beseeching finger to his lips.

"It's okay. It's just me and you." Liam assured, this time his voice much quieter. Despite having only just begun, he already felt like his eventual failure was all but confirmed.

"Can you close the door?" James whispered.

Liam blinked in confusion. "Why? They're all out in the kit-"

 _"Please!"_   James sharply begged.

"Wha?--Sure, yeah." Liam relented.

From the safety of his little hideout, James could see Liam quickly hopping up to comply. His feet crossed over to the far wall before the sound of the door being softly shut followed.

Liam returned to his position on the floor, craning his neck so he could continue to peer under the bed. "That better?" He checked with the little figure hiding back near the wall.

James nodded before stretching to look out and confirm that the door was truly shut. He was surprised to have his request so readily granted, but happy to finally have a semblance of security for the moment. The entire situation was so confusing for James. He didn't understand why these people were here instead of Holly. Why didn't Liam or Zayn tell him? Did they not know? What if James was being moved? What if Liam and Zayn lied about Holly coming and really just wanted to send him back? It wouldn't have been the first time a family sent him back that way. James' face hardened as those thoughts emerged. He allowed himself to full-on glare at Liam. _They probably knew all along that people were coming for me._

Liam was mildly wounded by James' sudden harsh stare. "Oi! What's that look for?" He softly demanded.

James only narrowed his eyes.

Liam exhaled slowly, feeling very tired and unsure of how long he could keep this up.  "Mate, I'm not going to drag you out from under your own bed, okay? So just relax." He stated before letting his head rest flatly on the ground.

James didn't understand. Why was Liam here if it wasn't to pull him out and drag him down the hall to be in front of everyone? More importantly, why was Liam never cross? James felt he'd done so many things that should have earned Liam or Zayn punishing him. He lied, he ran away when called, he screamed at Liam on multiple occasions. Yet, no one ever returned the anger, especially not Liam. James didn't understand why Liam wasn't now telling him off for running and hiding. Normally, he knew what to expect from most adults. He knew what their reactions would be whenever he messed up. With Liam and Zayn there was no way to know, and in many ways, that actually scared him more.

Despite the promise he just made, Liam felt like his list of options was almost completely exhausted. He knew Zayn could only keep up the pleasantries out in the kitchen for so long before it started to look to the agency workers like they had walked in on some sort of dysfunctional catastrophe. If James wasn't going to crawl out on his own, Liam really didn't know what else he could do. He didn't want to betray what little trust James placed in him, but they had to get things moving along.

"Look..." Liam began. "I want to help you, but I can't do a thing if this is how it's going to be."

James fixed Liam with a vacant sort of stare. He wasn't at all accustomed to having an adult try to reason with him.

"You've got to start talking to me, James." Liam implored gently.  
  
James looked past Liam for a moment, eyeing what little he could see of his bedroom door. He couldn't deny that things were going unusually calm. If Liam and Zayn really wanted him gone, they were being awfully laid back about it. He also realized that if the strangers at the door were here to take him back, they were going awfully slow about it. James was silent as his eyes fell downward. He listened for the distant voices out near the kitchen, struggling to hear much more than the occasional word or clatter of dishes.

Liam was patient. As much as he wanted to speed things along, he knew he couldn't. He could relate to how hard this part was for James, to string together the right words so others could understand. It was a hard thing to ask any child, especially one carrying around such complex feelings. Liam was a full grown man equipped with an adult vocabulary and didn't hold much faith that he would do any better.

"They're gonna make me move." James blurted.  
  
Liam lay there in momentary silence. Of all the things he expected to come from James, that hadn't quite been it. "Says who?" He managed after a moment of scrambling.

James shook his head bitterly. "No one."

"Then how do you know?" Liam wondered.  
  
James shrugged. "Just know."

Liam didn't miss the note of anger laced just underneath James' words. He nodded slowly, wanting to show that he understood. "That's not true, love." He insisted. "I don't know what happened before, but I promise you things are different this time. You're here with us as long as you want to be."

James looked unconvinced. He didn't know what to say back to Liam, but he knew that just wasn't how everything worked. Liam didn't understand. It didn't matter how much James wanted one thing or another, grown ups always decided without him.

Liam wondered where someone James' age learned to be so cynical. There was no sure-fire way to assure him against whatever he had already convinced himself of. For what felt like the 30th time in the past week, Liam couldn't help but think Zayn should be the one in his place instead. He might actually know what to say.

"I'm not gonna talk to them." James declared with no small amount of defiance.

Liam nodded along readily. "That's fine." He agreed. "You don't have to talk to them if you don't want to. You can eat your breakfast and make nasty faces while Zayn and I talk."

James' eyebrows raised at the prospect. He looked so sceptical, but Liam could actually read on his face how he was mulling the offer over.

"The sooner you come out and say hello the sooner they leave." Liam added. "Believe me, I want them gone as much as you do."

James bit his lip before nodding his consent. He slid out from under the bed, allowing Liam to lift him to his feet once he was free. He followed behind with great reluctance as Liam led him down the hallway. His jaw was set determinedly, but he felt no real confidence. It was strangely harder when someone wasn't marching you out to do something you didn't want to do. James was accustomed to being dragged along whenever people from the agency showed up, but Liam didn't do that. He allowed for James to walk down the hall at his own pace, never ushering or pushing him any faster.

They stepped into the living room to find it empty. James' face took on a pained look when two unfamiliar adult voices could be heard making small talk around the kitchen table. He and Liam stood there, just outside of the entry. Without warning, he reached out and grasped for the first anchoring thing he could touch. 

Liam felt remarkably dazed when he noticed James' little hand reaching up to snatch his. It took him a moment to recover from the shock to realize what exactly had happened. He had grown so accustomed to not seeking out physical contact, to keeping his distance and only offering reassurance through words. The boy's fingers struggled to wrap around Liam's palm, but his clasp remained tight as he gazed fearfully towards the kitchen.

"It's okay. Promise." Liam murmured before he gripped the hand in his tighter.  
  
Liam went slow as he guided them both into the dining nook. James purposefully hung back a bit, knowing that Liam's legs were functioning as his only barrier. James felt better as he noticed that Liam wasn't letting go of his hand or tugging him to stand out in front. It was nice being able to hold on to that little sense of security. With Liam offering some protection, James felt safe enough to peer out at the newcomers. The two agency workers were ones that he had never seen before. They weren't like Holly at all. They were old, but not like hundreds of years old either. One was a wrinkly woman and the other was a round man with silver hair and glasses. They sat across from Zayn on one side of the kitchen table. All three adults broke their chatter when Liam and James entered.

"Speaking of the little lad--Good morning, James! How are you?" The silver haired man with glasses asked kindly.  
  
James relaxed slightly when he realized that this tiny old man wasn't too awfully scary. He actually looked sort of funny in comparison to tall and muscular Liam. Realizing there was a pretty strong defence screen guarding him, James only felt the need to half-hide when everyone's eyes fell to him.

Liam carefully drew James around to stand at his side. "You want to say hi, mate?" He prompted.

"Hullo." James greeted stiffly. He remained pressed close to Liam, but surprised both of his foster parents by managing to lift his eyes as he spoke to their guests.

"I understand you were just about to have breakfast, weren't you? Go ahead and eat. We were just having a chat." Joanne offered.

"You can go have a seat, Jai. I'll get your plate ready." Liam spoke as he gave him a light nudge.  
  
Desperately wishing he was no longer the centre of attention, James crossed from Liam to stand by Zayn. He stood close to Zayn's chair, gripping tightly to one of the wooden rungs along the back. James eyed his own seat at the end of the table and knew there was no possible way he could sit there. It was too close to the agency people's side of the table. James much preferred standing far away on the safer side.

Zayn felt the little body pressing as close to his as possible. James' eyes never left the pair of agency workers sitting across from them. He couldn't help but wonder why his foster son was so nervous from a check-in. Hadn't he experienced plenty of these in his other placements? Wasn't all of this supposed to be his and Liam's concern? They were the ones who were really on display, after all. Zayn frowned at the antsy way James stood beside him. 

Liam approached the table with a plate of food prepared for James. He carefully set the neatly cut up bits of waffle and banana down at James' normal spot before settling down into his own chair.

"Why don't you go sit in your chair, babe?" Zayn asked.

James looked over to his lonely seat at the end before turning back to Zayn and shaking his head. A finger was now crammed nervously in his mouth.

Liam rested a hand on the small of the boy's back. "Would you rather sit with one of us?" He offered.

James nodded before purposefully stepping up on the bottom rung of Liam's chair.

"C'mere." Liam relented before easily pulling him up the rest of the way.

After squirming around to better situate himself, James readily leaned back against Liam's chest. He sat comfortably in the man's lap, the simple action seeming to calm him immensely. He allowed Liam to pull his hand away from his face without complaint. He no longer fidgeted, but still continued to cast worried looks over to the two adults across the table.

"Do you like your new school, James?" Joanne asked.

James fixed a glare on his face as he stared over at the woman. Liam had to bite the insides of his cheeks to keep from smiling. That little look shot daggers, and it had been the funniest thing he had seen all morning. He slipped an arm around James' slender midsection. "Go on." He nudged, knowing as a parent he shouldn't encourage such antisocial behaviour.

"S'okay." James finally decided with a shrug.

Liam found it hard to focus when the adult conversation picked back up. He marvelled at how James was sitting on his lap and didn't look the least bit forced to be there. Twenty-four hours ago this kid wouldn't hold his hand and now he rested without any concern over proximity. James' little hands held on to the larger arm loosely wrapped around his middle. Liam reached over for the small plate full of food he set at James' chair. He easily brought the small platter over and set it down on his placemat.

James only gave the briefest glance to the cut up bits of waffle and banana drizzled with honey. He mostly continued to stare at Jim and Joanne as if in anticipation of something neither Zayn or Liam exactly understood.

"Y'gotta eat, Jai." Zayn softly encouraged while handing over a fork. James could feel his big, soft eyes boring into him from the side, urging him to pick up the utensil.

"Have you been able to develop much of a routine, yet?" Jim asked, nodding over at Liam and Zayn.

"Getting there." Liam admitted. "Getting out the door in the morning hasn't been much of a struggle so far. He goes to bed at roughly the same time every night."

"He's been adjusting well to school, I take it? No problems from his teacher?" Joanne wondered. Her eyes darted over to James in a not so subtle way. Her question was heavy with a nasty implication that didn't go missed. She stared blatantly across the table, causing James to lean back a bit further into the warm chest behind him.

"He's been brilliant." Zayn was quick to insist. "His teacher adores him. Though I'm not so sure he returns the sentiment just yet."

Liam laughed appropriately at the small attempt of a joke, but his attention remained on the boy in his lap. He hated the way James still seemed so intimidated. Silently, he reached over and picked up the little fork resting by the plate. He stabbed a bit of waffle and banana before holding it up to James' mouth.

James blinked in mild surprise, his focus now broken away from the strange woman's uncomfortable gaze. He parted his lips and accepted the food Liam offered. He was surprised at how delicious the waffles tasted. They were thick with a crispy outside and a soft inside. The ones from the freezer always tasted mushy and nowhere near this good. James took a couple more bites from Liam before finally realizing that his breakfast offered the distraction he so desperately craved. Quite happily, he took the fork from Liam's hand and began feeding himself. James felt better being unable to answer any questions as his eyes were now trained down on his plate and his mouth constantly full of food.

Zayn seemed less on edge now that Liam was present to help him navigate the conversation with the two agency workers. Their questions were mostly routine pleasantries asking about the first week they spent together, so Zayn felt comfortable enough to occasionally lose focus and glance over at the pair sitting beside him. It gave him a warm, almost sickeningly sweet fond feeling to see Liam and James sat together so comfortably. The way James so visibly relaxed when pulled up onto Liam's lap was beyond encouraging. It was their own little private sign of progress, one that maybe Holly would have recognized, but not two random agency workers with only minimal background to James' case. Zayn was polite enough throughout the remainder of the meeting, but he couldn't help the sour feeling that came whenever Joanne fixed a pointed stare in James' direction. She glared like he was a criminal.

The check-in itself was relatively brief. Jim and Joanne were out of the flat just over an hour after they arrived.

The moment Zayn locked the front door, James emitted an audible sigh of relief. He was perched up on Liam's arm, the two of them standing back in the archway of the living room.

"You did really well, love." Liam praised.

"Me or him?" Zayn asked. There was no effort to conceal or disguise the grin on his face as he approached. The atmosphere in the apartment was so much easier now that all traces of their fostering agency were gone.

"Both of you." Liam confirmed as Zayn leaned in for a kiss.

Despite how unpleasant their first check-in felt, Zayn couldn't deny the obvious good that resulted from it. Liam looked almost a foot taller carrying their little boy. It made Zayn's chest swell with a unique mixture of pride and love that he wasn't entirely familiar with. There wasn't a second thought in his mind over how they had fared in whatever evaluations Jim and Joanne gave. Even with whatever setbacks they faced, he was damn pleased with the little environment they were cooking up all on their own.

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That felt like a lot to cram in. I apologize for the lateness. At least it's finally up, right?! 
> 
> Big thanks to everyone who is still reading and putting up with my infrequent updates. I felt so bad for not getting this posted last weekend that I forced myself to stay up until 7 AM to make sure it was finished. I proof read to the best of my sleep deprived ability, but things may have slipped past me in my haste. I'm just too impatient to give a golly darn at this point.


End file.
